The Longing of my Heart

[Tristan12]

Imagine if there was some sort of healing centre you could go to for emotional issues where all it consisted of was you getting showered with God’s unconditional love, and the love was so deep and so profound that it healed you completely, and that was all you ever needed.

I want to aim to create the next best thing with my work. I want any healing processes and techniques I create to be deeply rooted in existential love, and to ultimately just be a way of showering yourself with love in the places you need it. Love is really the only thing you need for any kind of healing, it's just a matter of giving it to yourself in the places you need it so that it touches you deep enough to actually create real transformation. A lot of healing techniques are already based on being loving and compassionate towards yourself but the love doesn't touch you as deeply as it needs to. That's what I'm going to figure out how to do.

Edited August 26, 2022 by Tristan12

[Tristan12]

"Though destiny a hundred times waylays you, in the end it pitches a tent for you in heaven. It is God's loving kindness to terrify you, in order to lead you to his kingdom of safety." - Rumi

[Tristan12]

 

Edited November 11, 2022 by Tristan12

[Tristan12]

A few weeks ago I had this experience of love which was a bit different from usual, it was a different angle and flavour to love than what I'm used to, but extremely beautiful. I was starting to get into this state of this child-like feeling of love, the feeling of love you have when you're a little kid and the world feels so magical and beautiful and you have this warm, soft, compassionate love. It's weird because the only times i've been able to access that kind of love is through really old and nostalgic songs from when I was a little kid, and remembering that loving feeling associated with them.

I forget exactly what I was thinking about that brought it on, but I just remember that I got into this state of that exact soft, compassionate child-like love. It became way more intense than I've ever been able to access from a nostalgic song previously. It sort of turned into an awakening rather than just feeling love. All the sudden it felt like this child-like love I was feeling, that felt exactly the same as how I remember it from when I was a little kid, it felt like this love is where I came from, this love is my home, and my present experience of life right now, which feels so empty of love and I feel so separated from myself, this is all just a dream, like i'm in some bubble, and the purpose of it is to bring me back to this love.

This also made me realize how insane consciousness is. I could see that the entire reality I'm in right now, the floor and the walls of my room, my entire current existence, it's all just being created by my own mind, it's all just something i'm dreaming up. Even something that feels as real as the physical world around me is just a bubble that i'm dreaming up. None of it is physically real at all, it's just a dream.

As I sat there experiencing this beautiful, intense child like love, realizing that this love is my home, this is where I came from (which is probably why I remember feeling that love in childhood right after coming into the world), I just remember having this intense feeling that this is what I need more than anything. When this soft, compassionate love touches me, I just need it so badly, the relief it brings me makes it feel like i'm breathing for the first time. Like I realize that all the time I spend without that love, I am so tense, it's like i'm holding my breath, just suffering and not really living, and then when this love hits, it's just paradise, it's complete relief, like I can just let go of all the pain and like I can breathe for the first time.

Often times when I get into states of love like this, and I realize that this is what I've needed more than anything, it always feels like it never even occurred to me that this is what I needed. Of course I know logically that love resolves all suffering/pain/dysfunctions etc. but when I am going through so much pain, I always forget that I just need love. When love like this hits me, and it's just complete relief, I realize that this is what I've needed this whole time but I never even realized it. This feeling was especially strong this time, and it made me really understand this quote that I heard from Rumi a while ago.

"Love is the pearl lost on the ocean floor. Love is the hidden treasure." - Rumi

That's exactly what it feels like. You go through endless amounts of suffering that feel like there is no end to them, and then all the sudden love hits you, and you realize, "holy shit, this is exactly what I've needed, and it never even occurred to me that this was possible". At that point you've found the true remedy. But it's more than just a remedy, it's love. With love everything will always be okay. With love you will be happy forever.

In this moment when I feel that love, its like that's it, that's all I need. I could just give up everything else in my life and be with this love and that's all I could ever ask for. When I have this love, nothing else matters.

These moments of love remind me not to get lost in the day to day suffering of my life, and to know that through my work I will one day reach this love and be with it forever. I will give up my life, rid myself of all attachments, become the water droplet falling into the ocean, and become infinite love forever. Nothing else could possibly matter when you have this love.

[Tristan12]

 

[Tristan12]

I was thinking about my life, and all the pain and suffering I've been through, and how it has physically changed me and opened my heart to the point where I am way more receptive to love and appreciate it at much deeper levels than I ever could have otherwise. I then thought about how increasing your ability to love is the whole point of life, and nothing else really matters in life but love, and how deeply I can understand and appreciate that now.

It made me realize that my whole life has been set up in a way to honour the only thing that matters in life. It made me realize, that if love is the most important thing ever, and it's the only thing I would ever want, how could I not choose to come into a life like this, a life that maximizes love?

I realize that this life I've lived of extreme suffering that has led to this connection I have with love, because of how important love is to me, of course I would choose a life like this. No other life would be worth living. This is the only life I could ever possibly want. I'd be an idiot to choose anything else, it's just so obvious. Yes, I have to endure a lot of suffering, but I can get through it, and my willingness to go through it proves the commitment I have to love in the core of my heart. Going through hell isn't going to stop me from reaching love. And that, that is fucking love.

Through this I realize that the life I've lived that on the surface would seem like complete hell and the last thing you would want to go through, I realize that this is the ONLY life I would ever want. I couldn't possibly ask for it to be any different, and I am beyond grateful for it.

Edited November 11, 2022 by Tristan12