How to own frame if you don't drink alcohol?

[Illusory Self]

I feel like it is so socially conditioned upon society that me not drinking alcohol will loose me some girls. It is a good reason to use to get them to come back to yours etc but I have not drunk in almost a month & intend on quitting. Does feel challenging going on these dates to pubs & getting a tonic water. I order it casually without making a big deal about it but I feel in the back of the girls mind, she is thinking why is he not getting a drink? 

I recently went on a date & the girl kept saying it was strange how I don't drink alcohol. I tried to own my reality/frame but still I feel like it is so conditioned in society to drink. 

I'd much rather improve my socialization skills without drinking though

[Spiral]

It’s weird if you think that it’s weird and try to hid it. If you own it nobody will care.

[museumoftrees]

Let her know you don’t drink before ordering. A good way of owning something is just saying it before others bring it up. 

« I actually don’t drink so i’ll just get myself a tonic water »

and when the girl ask you why you don’t drink just keep it simple and answer with a few words. Don’t go into a rant on why alcohol is bad and society promotes something unhealthy that lowers consciousness, you’ll bore your date.

1- Bring it up before her.

2- When asked why you don’t drink just make it like a non big deal, almost like a non-issue, something you don’t think about and it’s just not part of you.

Implement these two and you’ll be be in charge of the frame way more. You’ll feel more confident about this once you do it repeatedly.

[Federico del pueblo]

@Illusory Self

When going out:

She: 'why don't you drink alcohol?'

You: 'I sold my liver on the black market, now I don't tolerate alcohol'

'My liver got stolen from a girl that looked exactly like you, now I don't tolerate alcohol anymore'  (or some similar bullshit).

 

On dates:

She: 'It seems weird to me you're not drinking alcohol'

You: 'oh yeah? How so?'

(Or: 'And things will still get much weirder, I promise' OR 'yeah I'm a weirdo')

She: 'well, everybody drinks in a bar/pub etc.'

You: 'Are you trying to be like everybody?'  or  'I'm not trying to be like everybody'

 

No matter what any girl says, your frame remains 'it's awesome to not drink alcohol, if anyone thinks it's weird, they got a problem (or they are too weak to withstand the social pressure). Though you don't ever explicitly say that they are weak or weird, you just keep acting confident.

The real issue here is that you're still feeling judged for not drinking, and as always the solution is to not give a fuck anymore what anyone might think about you not drinking.

If you think about it... people pay money to ingest a substance that's toxic for the body, but you don't. So you're not the one you has to question himself.

 

So the overarching frame is something like 'I don't even care, it's not even important that people accept my alcohol abstinence'.

[Arcangelo]

10 years 3 months sober over here.

I'll be real and tell her I already drank my quota for this life.

[RendHeaven]

LOL this is hilarious

Have some pride that you're not poisoning yourself semiregularly.

[soos_mite_ah]

18 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

I recently went on a date & the girl kept saying it was strange how I don't drink alcohol. I tried to own my reality/frame but still I feel like it is so conditioned in society to drink. 

She's the weird one in this situation. There are pleanty of reasons why some people don't drink ranging fromsomething as simple it tastes bad to something more serious like addiction running in their family. Most adults get this so when you tell them you don't drink, they realize it's a personal decision and won't ask any more questions because they don't know how personal the reason is. Don't be a dick about it and do.n't be judgemental on the notion that other people drink. Just a simple "i don't drink" is sufficient. No need to make a big deal out of it

If you do encounter people who have a problem with you not drinking and are making a big deal out of it even if you aren't, that's usually not a person you want to deal with. They are not respecting your boundaries and are trying to make you feel ashamed of it. For me personally, I think it's really fucking weird to just expect people to drink or try to get someone to drink after they said no since it's literally a drug. 

Also, you won't have to "own frame" if you surround yourself with the right, nonjudgemental, respectful people. 

[Spence94]

14 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

10 years 3 months sober over here.

I'll be real and tell her I already drank my quota for this life.

@Arcangelo Word. Respect.

Edited March 20, 2022 by Spence94

[puporing]

Could always just avoid going to bars/restaurants to start off. Maybe go to a cafe instead.

[Leo Gura]

The frame is:

My body is my temple, why would I pollute it with poison?

My other frame is:

Alcohol is for children. Adults do DMT.

- - - - -

When I see someone drinking I look at them like at an ignorant child.

[Terell Kirby]

40 minutes ago, A_v_E said:

Addiction is 99% mind.

Not entirely true .. there are physiological impacts at play as well, could be genetic and/or hereditary. Alcoholism is a real thing .. a disease.

42 minutes ago, A_v_E said:

Not able to experience substances is not power it's avoidance of life for religious reasonings. 

So someone who doesn't want to take heroin, meth or crack is avoiding life or a religious nut? I don't think so ..

44 minutes ago, A_v_E said:

I would recommend everyone to become an addict and quit. 

This is silly .. encouraging someone to hooked on anything is just bad advice.

[ZenSwift]

For me I just and say "I only drink alcohol when I feel like I want to and I just don't want to drink alcohol right now." 

If I need alcohol

- to start having fun

- to gain courage

I've already made a mistake. Alcohol cannot give me those things. That has to come from a sober state first. 

 

I really value the state of consciousness that I'm in and I can have a lot of fun while sober. I am always the person having the most fun, the silliest and the most sober. It's actually pretty fun getting people to think I'm plastered and then telling them I'm completely sober, I get like massive respect for the amount of confidence that I would exude. "This guy knows how to have fun."

I would have my water that I'm drinking and I'll be like slamming it down and be like "damn that's some spicy water!". 

 

This thread inspires me to make a similar one...

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Come on, live a little!

I think to demonize alcohol as poison and to take a strict stance against it is rather pointless. There is such a rich variety of alcoholic beverages, it's an art!

Edited March 21, 2022 by Husseinisdoingfine

[RendHeaven]

2 hours ago, A_v_E said:

I find people against drug and alcohol just as annoying as the one pro drugs and alcohol.

2 hours ago, A_v_E said:

In fact I would recommend everyone to become an addict and quit. 

Naive conflation.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When I see someone drinking I look at them like at an ignorant child.

It's really that simple

[Husseinisdoingfine]

[puporing]

11 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Come on, live a little!

I think to demonize alcohol as poison and to take a strict stance against it is rather pointless. There is such a rich variety of alcoholic beverages, it's an art!

LoL yes I love craft beer for one mostly to see what people came up with, but might get over that one soon. Sometimes I just get the nonalcoholic ones but the selection is more limited there.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

There is literally a whole culture around being a wine taster, because wine comes in such a rich variety and can be made in so many ways. Not just wine! And to dismiss it all as ''poison'' is to throw away all of that culture, richness, variety, and artistry. 

[Rigel]

Why can’t it be both? It's all that sweet culture and art and it's also poison.

Such versatility

[puporing]

@Rigel Basically yea. No arguments there.

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

There is such a rich variety of alcoholic beverages, it's an art!

Meth cooking is an art! ?