Can Spiritual work heal my Anger Issues?

[axiom]

@Preety_India I have been through extreme amounts of trauma / abuse in my life as well, starting in childhood and continuing into my 30s.

Trauma is a like a hot coal. It burns anyone who carries it, and then they pass it on to someone else.

Those who have wronged you have held it, were burned by it, and they passed on to you.

Now you've been burned by it, and you pass it on to others.

The real root cause of the problem may extend back decades, centuries, or forever. It is not your fault that you were burned by it, just as it was not the fault of those who gave it to you. Noone asked for this trauma at any step of the way.

The only way to root it out is to truly forgive those who have wronged you. This is the meaning of love. Yes, it is much, much easier to say this than to actually do it. But that's the very reason trauma can stick around forever. It is the reason it gets passed on. You have the opportunity to be the person who finally stops this cycle from continuing.

If you are able to recognise the ultimate truth that everyone - yourself included - deserves complete forgiveness, then you will go some way to alleviating the anger.

Vipassana is an incredible tool which can ultimately root out all of your trauma and totally recalibrate your default response to triggers. The triggers themselves will ultimately lose all of their power.

[Shawn Philips]

On 19/3/2022 at 5:24 AM, puporing said:

Anger has an underlying feeling of sadness and loss. You could try writing out all that is making you feel angry (and I know you have on this forum but there's probably more). Maybe write a pretend letter to your mom without reservation, maybe have a trusted person read this out loud (or a therapist if you can afford that). If you can find a child-centered therapist/healer that would also help tremendously. 

And this for reference on grieving: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c95sfyv-M8M

Not necessarily has to be associated with sadness and loss. Preety_India says she doesnt like herself. That's because she doesnt met their belief system standards or expectatives created by society. Subconsciously she knows that and is resentful and angry with the world.

So the solution is to break out with her belief system that makes her unhappy, stop caring about other people say or think, and his owng ego judging her. A good experiment is being alone for a few days in nature likea  retreat, or with animals where you dont have to meet expectatives and standards and you forget about the ego. If doing that the anger disappears is because is related with what I've said.

[Kksd74628]

@Preety_India

I apologized on the second post or at least I tried to do so, so I don't know why you think we are having argument when in actuality we are not. We don't need to fight or have big drama here, because I am sorry about the impact that I had on you <3

@Breakingthewall

I am not trying to have any superioty that pisses even budha itself, but just tried to say my own honest opinion. NOW someone could say that no one asked your opinion, but isn't the forum for everyone and as I corrected my post which was misunderstood - I didn't want any negativity for anyone.

@Zero my Hero

If I am not allowed to write in colored font then how is one allowed to change her profile picture like a roulette 24/7. Changing profile picture makes it hard to identify user to his/her profile and that is exact same reason you can't change your username here.

To anyone else reading this post.

Don't participate in attacking me anymore, because that does not solve this case which is not even case, if you ask me. It's just generating drama from nothing.

[Preety_India]

@Kksd74628 your arguments are silly and have nothing to do with the topic. Leave me alone 

[Kksd74628]

@Preety_India

Someone is having hard time forgiving today  First I don't even purposely do anything and then I continue and apologize that someone took my message wrongly and the outcome is that my arguments are silly???

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, Shawn Philips said:

Subconsciously she knows that and is resentful and angry with the world.

I'm not really angry with the world. The world has a lot of good people. I just feel very abandoned all the time and this abandonment causes me to go into panic mode and then turn into outbursts of trigger and anger. 

At the center of it is coldness and abandonment. 

I was raised by a dismissive, avoidant, unloving, uncaring, neglecting and abandoning family. 

That caused me to feel vulnerable and easily provoked to anger. 

I don't hate the world. In fact strangers have shown me more kindness on occasions than my own family. 

 

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Preety_India

Someone is having hard time forgiving today  First I don't even purposely do anything and then I continue and apologize that someone took my message wrongly and the outcome is that my arguments are silly???

It's not the matter of forgiving you. There is nothing to forgive or punish. 

It's just a complete lack of understanding on your part and constantly dominating and pushing your narrative on me. 

If you're genuinely respectful, you would stop trash talking and saying things that are hurting me. But that doesn't seem to be the case. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Kksd74628 maybe you're the one creating drama by wasting my time, derailing the thread, taking the focus away from the topic and placing it on silly things like profile picture and my character/expression and then blaming other people here when they point it out about you. 

Maybe learn from others how to stick to something meaningful. 

. 

[Kksd74628]

@Preety_India

I am not trying to dominate and what this even means. I am just having hard time understanding why you can't just say that I forgive you and this whole case is over. You say that I have problem in understanding, but who said that it couldn't be you. Have you contemplated your own posts towards me and I can say that these doesn't have any more empathy. You called me straight unmature, insincere, unempathic, silly and contstantly have anger in your messages. (It's some degree fun that there is anger in anger post ) And otherwise you just say that I am piece of shit. Thanks for telling me all that <3

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Preety_India

I am not trying to dominate and what this even means. I am just having hard time understanding why you can't just say that I forgive you and this whole case is over. You say that I have problem in understanding, but who said that it couldn't be you. Have you contemplated your own posts towards me and I can say that these doesn't have any more empathy. You called me straight unmature, insincere, unempathic, silly and contstantly have anger in your messages. (It's some degree fun that there is anger in anger post ) And otherwise you just say that I am piece of shit. Thanks for telling me all that <3

Well it seems like you have a hard time when someone  is criticizing your behavior and yet you don't see a problem with nitpicking on their profiles picture or post count. I don't have an obligation to someone who is being straight up rude with me. People will treat you the way you treat them first. My response to you is obviously going to be negative if you bully me on my profile picture or nitpick on other things. You're expecting Positivity from me when you come to me with a negative attitude. I don't need to call your posts insensitive if you act respectful to me. Learn to command respect before blaming others for pointing out your behavior. 

[Kksd74628]

@Preety_India

My action has been critized, I accept that, and I apologized. What more there is to do than wait for forgiving . What more there could be done. You may say that stop messaging me, but it is kind of hard when you are also replying to me and I reply to you. Only way out is to accept apologize. Someone nitpicked about my colorful font and I even got warning from it so I don't see any difference in what I do right NOW than what was done to me. I respect you and that is reason I am using my time to fix our "fight". I honestly don't want problems with anyone on this forum.

[Preety_India]

@Kksd74628 your problem with font or whatever is not my personal issue. Deal with whoever did it to you. 

This is my last post to you. I'm not addressing you anymore 

I suggest you to not shit all over my thread anymore (that's pretty uncool) and be done with this here for good. 

I'm getting helpful responses from other users here, please don't deflect it. Let them talk to me. 

 

 

[Kksd74628]

@Preety_India

Fine then it is last post for me. Lets have drama as you want and not solve it like mature spiritual people  

[Preety_India]

@Kksd74628 OK if you want to solve this then use pm

[SOUL]

@Kksd74628 You can apologize for something and ask forgiveness but if you expect another to accept your apology and extend you forgiveness this will only create or perpetuate distress within yourself. Nobody is owed anything just because they have done something they themselves may not have been asked to do so if you see that it was fit to extend an apology, just apologize and leave it at that. Adding more contention to the situation is actually sullying the appearance of how genuine the apology is as it seems like you are doing it for yourself, not the one you feel you have wronged.

@Preety_India You made yourself vulnerable by sharing with us about something you are struggling to resolve within you. This shows how much you trust this forum and I hope that trust has not been broken or neutered in any way. Quite often anger is a result of some perceived mistreatment from others and rightly or wrongly it is something our self identity will react to. Use this is another opportunity or any time it does to not agree with the triggered feelings, thoughts or impulses meant to motivate reactive behavior. Don't just resist it, instead transcend it and behave as you seek for yourself, be the change you want to see in yourself. I wish healing and well being for you.

Edited March 20, 2022 by SOUL

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, SOUL said:

You made yourself vulnerable by sharing with us about something you are struggling to resolve within you. This shows how much you trust this forum and I hope that trust has not been broken or neutered in any way. Quite often anger is a result of some perceived mistreatment from others and rightly or wrongly it is something our self identity will react to. Use this is another opportunity or any time it does to not agree with the triggered feelings, thoughts or impulses meant to motivate reactive behavior. Don't just resist it, instead transcend it and behave as you seek for yourself, be the change you want to see in yourself. I wish healing and well being for you.

Can you rephrase this part and explain it to me again because I didn't understand it. 

 

[SOUL]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

10 minutes ago, SOUL said:

Use this is another opportunity or any time it does to not agree with the triggered feelings, thoughts or impulses meant to motivate reactive behavior. Don't just resist it, instead transcend it and behave as you seek for yourself, be the change you want to see in yourself. I wish healing and well being for you.

Can you rephrase this part and explain it to me again because I didn't understand it. 

Any time our mind creates some feelings, thoughts or impulses in us to behave a certain way in response to a perceived reason to protect our 'self' we can use it as another opportunity to transcend that attachment to what the mind creates. We can create the healing dynamic we seek for us in the present moment instead of fall into the reactive dynamic the mind desires for us.

Be what we seek for us even if the mind is dancing around trying to get us to act in reaction to it but if we resist it we are actually giving it credibility as something to that needs to be resisted. We are taking our energy which can be used for creating what we seek in us and using it on contending with something that doesn't really exist, it's the mind imagining something that it wants us to react to. Transcend it and be in the the present what we seek to be.

I used many more words and some of the same words to rephrase it I hope that's ok.

Peace and hugs, you are one of my favorite members.

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, SOUL said:

Any time our mind creates some feelings, thoughts or impulses in us to behave a certain way in response to a perceived reason to protect our 'self' we can use it as another opportunity to transcend that attachment to what the mind creates. We can create the healing dynamic we seek for us in the present moment instead of fall into the reactive dynamic the mind desires for us.

Be what we seek for us even if the mind is dancing around trying to get us to act in reaction to it but if we resist it we are actually giving it credibility as something to that needs to be resisted. We are taking our energy which can be used for creating what we seek in us and using it on contending with something that doesn't really exist, it's the mind imagining something that it wants us to react to. Transcend it and be in the the present what we seek to be.

I used many more words and some of the same words to rephrase it I hope that's ok.

Peace and hugs, you are one of my favorite members.

Thank you, yea transcending seems to be a good idea. 

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, axiom said:

The only way to root it out is to truly forgive those who have wronged you.

In my experience, The only way to truly forgive, and this for me is very recent, is to realize what others are. they are exactly you. another form imagined by the void, the same as you. You are the void, you are them . there is no one to forgive (I know it sounds like a non-dualistic cliché).

2 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

am not trying to have any superioty that pisses even budha itself

I was a bit fool in my comment, apologies

[SOUL]

@Preety_India  I thought to add but waited until you replied that why it is helpful to not resist the content of the mind is this adds conflict to the mind as part of the new pattern creation. The reason to just simply behave as we seek for ourselves is because this creates a pattern for the subconscious mind to learn from, to use as experience to draw on.

We are modeling behavior for the mind to become more like in the future because we don't wish it to always be such a source of distress. If we contend with it by resisting it's content this is the model we are giving to the mind to remember as the experience. It's healing to create a fresh pattern grounded in well being not one that has remaining contention.

I hope this clarified my message a bit more.

Peace.

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by SOUL