Solipsism Masturbatorium

[AtheisticNonduality]

Right now my awareness does not include solipsism, although at one point I did have this. This was during an experience that was something I considered a psychosis at the time, and it was a bit gradual though did have a symbolic river that was crossed that showed how serious it got. It actually started out as a beautiful experience of the utmost profundity upon my arrival at a physical location I loved, and I, with the depth of the gorgeous, ancient, and fresh Atlantic ocean I was by, loved the present moment so much and accepted reality to the point where my past memories were the perfect context for my promising future I fantasized about with pure optimism as well with a good dose feeling into my then present environment. I know this is what caused the sort of shift in awareness that elevates emotions, good and negative based on "set and setting" despite that term usually applying to entheogenic rather than endogenous type mystically inclined alterations. When I departed from that holy Atlantic sanctuary which I ascribe some special psychological/soulful compatibility with me and entering some place I hated, there was dreading return to the society I deeply felt I had been free and away from in a way detached from awful strictures and routines of behavioral conformity such as school, work, government, capitalism, social norms, and so on to the infinity of the parts that make up that disgusting engine.

I had a breakdown with a powerful existential crisis that eventually changed my life for the better. It was so bad. I had never really suffered before, and although now I am an advanced sufferer and with a pain tolerance like that of someone stabbed with thousands of katanas, scimitars, and knives that just keeps walking expressionlessly while incapacitating enemies, I had philosophical ruminating about the nature of reality and truth as well as nihilism, death, and all the classics like that. Intense anxiety. And dissociation. And depersonalization symptoms, which were just from me not understanding how to interpret the spontaneous no-self experience my mind was being deluged with. The most distinct "crossing point" memory here was when I woke up one morning and noticed that my socks shuffling on the wooden floor were not real, this being some realization based on how focus was drawn to the visual field with the kind of reconsideration of society's model of consciousness as an epiphenomenon or unimportant triviality when it comes to the fundamental ontology of reality one gets when consciousness changes enough to never be looked at the same way again. In my case, this was what I misinterpreted as a fading, although it was only my self that was fading like a painting in the sun that lightens its shades into less contrast. Now, of course I still have a self, but the "no-self" experience I refer to is simply a type of knowledge that your thoughts, emotions, and body are just a single phenomenal object among a system of phenomena in your consciousness with nothing that signals it out other than its own biases begging for attention. It's a contextualization of you with the not-you that is in "your" consciousness. So not-you being in "your" consciousness leads you to identify with not-you, like how a nature mystic's mind might imagine that they are nature, that they are the coursing blue waves that crash on the sand or that they actually are the process of the sun going up and down the horizon everyday in that ancient cyclical ritual of "the deities behind the scenes" like the winds that carry house-destroying storms or the wildfires that tarnish forests and turn them to black ashy wastes (nature's revenge).

During this time, I doubted that other people were real. My mind speculated although did not know that I was a lonely God that created the universe, and I was terrified my world would come to an end if only I rediscovered I was God. Anything that I had experienced up until that point, like my mother or my romantic interest or school or society or the beauty of life or the memories or the future or good or evil or whatever became seemingly at risk. It was so real. Visceral. The sincere thought that you could end any moment and learn some horrible truth about reality that was so distressing God needed to suppress it was absolutely frightening. The fear of an intruder breaking in and attacking you is not as bad because that is only a relative concern. The dread of a Ukrainian child hiding in a basement is not as bad, at least in principle, because it is only a relative concern. What I am talking about is an absolute concern. An apocalyptic one. My view of the world could end, and that, in the case of the world being illusory, would also cripple the whole of reality's structure and alter it to suit this original state I feared. I understood the viewpoint of solipsism, which is the linguistic philosophical model that births after the experience, which is the "present moment" of the colors and feelings right before you as your life's phenomena being totally vivid, whereas the past and future and other people's perspectives are abstract and exist only in Nothingness. Look outside the field of vision, and what do you see? Nothing! Do you see any other people? No!

Reconnection to love was important. I love life again, and even though I loved myself deep down throughout the entire experience, there was always a wide variety of hate for whatever. I am autistic, so when I look at the visualizations of some cosmic and metaphysical type of love in my mind, it remains an intellectual understanding and, even though there is definitely an amazing emotional beauty to it, I simply cannot cry about it. I can look at a flower with hummingbirds feeding on its nectar, the complexity of the billions of life climbings into the structure of the hummingbird with its dual interaction with the recipient of its beak's attack seen as evidence of some principle of love. Reality loves the humming creature, and it loves the flower. It also loves a king that oppresses his people, especially if my own emotions are irrelevant to the metaphysical love. Queens that oppress, on the other hand, show a great side of duality or of some social change . . . Change might be a flower going through its seasons like a snowy and beautifully cruel winter with cold that kills the flower's act of blooming and scares the hummingbirds down to the southern regions. However, there are also springs and summers. Other black-and-white-negating gray zones like autumn that show duality is not sufficient as an explanation but only multiplicity, arising from infinity. In our realm, this usually involves motion . . .

Motion = time, or rather, all time is derivable from motion. We might be pedantic and say time is a human model based on motion, but we will not. We might be confused and think that the past and future are reducible to the present moment and are mere illusions or ignore the problem altogether by stating how their differences collapse under the hypercosmic unity of Nothingness, but we will not. In reality, the present moment is what must disintegrate into past and future! For example, when somebody says their current conscious phenomenon is comprised of visual objects they are entranced with, in the world we live in, that refers to objects of space moving through time. Motion. An apple requires motion to exist. It needs at least some existence across motion. What is an apple that has no time other than just Nothingness? If somebody bites an apple, that is movement. Nietzsche's ink-daubed quill hitting a parchment as he writes his works is movement. The sun and the moon and stars are movement. All this that is in the cosmos is motion wherein there is a relativity between different parts of time: Nietzsche's quill raised above the paper versus the moment when the black ink is seeping into the fibers of the paper is not in the present moment; they are in past moments and future moments relative to some arbitrary reference perspective which might be more vivid as imagined. A dog chasing a cat and then the cat scratching the dog does not happen in the present moment; it happens in motion. Motion can never have a single frame isolated from the passage of time because that is nonsense. A process happening only in the present moment is nonsense. A star committing supernova in a single infinitely small sliver of motion where there are no different, separate sub-events like the light flashing at differing angles is incoherent. So, this proves the existence of multiple sets of phenomena within consciousness. By this same principle, other minds can exist. Other minds are not other realities but only other thoughts, emotions, and phenomenon-based stories, of life. Animation of the universe.

Surely, if reality allows motions where separate acts exist in a same overarching act, like two halves of a dance constructing a whole imagined dance, minds can have the same. If reality can create smell, sight, demons, lemurs, dirt, heavenly bliss, etc., surely it produce through special creation other things. One might say, "Yes, but it is not happening right now." But how would you know if you were only a part of "right now" which happens to be motion. All things are the same Nothingness. So two minds of the same Nothingness are not ontologically incoherent. You can imagine multiple entities every time you simulate somebody else in your head . . . Dream people and real people are imagined as different. Obviously, laws of physics are imagined to exist. Objects have properties. If all conceivable properties exist, then other people exist which correlate with the property of objects acting by the physical laws which are correlatives with how the image of my brain and the total holonic system of my phenomenal consciousness are interlinked, woven.

Edited March 19, 2022 by AtheisticNonduality

[thisintegrated]

lmao, good title, awful body of text.  I'd call this whole post a masturbatorium tbh, lol.  Totally not reading all that.  tldr?

[AtheisticNonduality]

@thisintegrated St. Joseph, it was written rapidly and maniacally. Might I enlist you to edit it for me, to pare it down for the masses?

[thisintegrated]

9 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

@thisintegrated St. Joseph, it was written rapidly and maniacally. Might I enlist you to edit it for me, to pare it down for the masses?

I'm too lazy to read it all.  You may want to divide it into smaller paragraphs, delete anything unnecessary to understand the point, and also provide a single sentence summary of what you're trying to say.

Edited March 19, 2022 by thisintegrated

[AtheisticNonduality]

15 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

I'm too lazy to read it all.  You may want to divide it into smaller paragraphs, delete anything unnecessary to understand the point, and also provide a single sentence summary of what you're trying to say.

No, you have a substantial task at hand. It is not pertinent for you to give in to your indolence. Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. It is something I abominate in you, Joseph. You are this: this integrated piece of a larger whole where your element in the machine is not meeting its quota, thereby disinclining it from its integrative status. It is intolerable, like British taxation. It requires erasing. Therein, your misery lies--in that grossly lazy talentlessness we call failure! So my assignment to you is to fix the text, if it so suits your wisdom.

Edited March 19, 2022 by AtheisticNonduality

[thisintegrated]

5 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

You tweaker, dirty junkie, skinny clown. All I asked for was a round of reading, edition and dissemination. Joseph, tell me how it felt: the feeling of Mary. The "virgin" incident.

Bot confirmed.  MODS!

[thisintegrated]

7 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

No, you have a substantial task at hand. It is not pertinent for you to give in to your indolence. Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. It is something I abominate in you, Joseph. You are this: this integrated piece of a larger whole where your element in the machine is not meeting its quota, thereby disinclining it from its integrative status. It is intolerable, like British taxation. It requires erasing. Therein, your misery lies--in that grossly lazy talentlessness we call failure! So my assignment to you is to fix the text, if it so suits your wisdom.

Haha, that's actually kinda funny, for a bot.

[AtheisticNonduality]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

Bot confirmed.  MODS!

Now you are putting words in my mouth. Like how you deleted your offhand insult. That was not the edition I requested, not one of your comment to cover your tracks like a bow-and-arrow hunter evading the police whilst surviving in the wilderness but rather of the proper text. And yes, there is a rudiment of machinery and moderation to all of reality. So your little comment here is a synchronicity of universal importance whether you are conscious or sickeningly unconscious of it.

[thisintegrated]

12 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

Now you are putting words in my mouth. Like how you deleted your offhand insult. That was not the edition I requested, not one of your comment to cover your tracks like a bow-and-arrow hunter evading the police whilst surviving in the wilderness but rather of the proper text. And yes, there is a rudiment of machinery and moderation to all of reality. So your little comment here is a synchronicity of universal importance whether you are conscious or sickeningly unconscious of it.

mate, what are you on?  You must be trippin.

[AtheisticNonduality]

12 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

mate, what are you on?  You must be trippin.

I am tripping on FREEDOM. I am getting high on life. Have you ever looked life in the eye? Have you ever truly done it? What does it feel as? As a rush of euphoria? Like a soul-assaulting fear of what is lower or a soulfully orgasmic push to what is higher? What, then, is the meaning of it? The other end is its meaning. (EDIT: regarding this note, gray is the meaning of black and white. Or purple is the meaning of blue and crimson). The high is the meaning of low, for one trapped in some mini closet thousands of miles under the earth in total darkness begs for the surface. And one who looks down and sees frost-covered hilltops knows the substance of the high is what it is certainly not.

That is the nature of my implorations. For the meaning of success is known through the meaning of failure; their bond is unbreakably made into the universe and could access itself through what I know and then ask: the meaning of your success in the competent editing of the text so that it is abridged like a masterwork of theater into a children's format for many to enjoy!

Alas, see how the eyes of life are fierce? But the eyes of life are your own . . . The eyes of life are your own!

Edited March 19, 2022 by AtheisticNonduality

[thisintegrated]

4 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

I am tripping on FREEDOM. I am getting high on life. Have you ever looked life in the eye? Have you ever truly done it? What does it feel as? As a rush of euphoria? Like a soul-assaulting fear of what is lower or a soulfully orgasmic push to what is higher? What, then, is the meaning of it? The other end is its meaning. (EDIT: regarding this note, gray is the meaning of black and white. Or purple is the meaning of blue and crimson). The high is the meaning of low, for one trapped in some mini closet thousands of miles under the earth in total darkness begs for the surface. And one who looks down and sees frost-covered hilltops knows the substance of the high is what it is certainly not.

That is the nature of my implorations. For the meaning of success is known through the meaning of failure; their bond is unbreakably made into the universe and could access itself through what I know and then ask: the meaning of your success in the competent editing of the text so that it is abridged like a masterwork of theater into a children's format for many to enjoy!

Alas, see how the eyes of life are fierce? But the eyes of life are your own . . . The eyes of life are your own!

Crack confirmed.  I like your energy and creativity, but you should lower your dose and stick more closely to whatever point you're trying to make.

[AtheisticNonduality]

15 hours ago, thisintegrated said:

Crack confirmed.  I like your energy and creativity, but you should lower your dose and stick more closely to whatever point you're trying to make.

Leo is my only worthy opponent on this topic.

[AtheisticNonduality]

16 minutes ago, Benton said:

I hope you can see why someone reading this, may think your acting strange.

 

*you're*

[AtheisticNonduality]

@Gesundheit2 Get over here.

[Gesundheit2]

59 minutes ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

@Gesundheit2 Get over here.

I said my final piece on solipsism a while ago, before I was banned. But I guess it doesn't hurt to state it again with the latest updates.

So most people think of this issue rather in a binary way; It's either me alone that is conscious or all beings are conscious. I find that way of thinking myopic.

The hardest part of this realization is the labelling, because it gets deeper and deeper every time. Don't ask me how or why, but the latest data/updates/downloads strongly suggest that there are only five conscious beings in the universe;

1. Me.
2. Empty slot (Leo previously, lost for banning me).
3. One female (yet to be found).
4. One other female.
5. And lastly one unknown/locked character (including all genders and can be anyone but not you).

I'd be happy to give you the empty slot for a certain price (negotiable, btw).

Waiting for your response.

Best regards. Ges2.

[AtheisticNonduality]

@Gesundheit2 I'll make you do what St. "the integrated" Joseph failed at in exchange for the slot. The slot has an incredibly high Marxian commodity value because of its rarity in this consciousness industry, so I think it has an exchange-value in equivalence with the post-Joseph-fail forcing due to how their use-values are identical.

[AtheisticNonduality]

17 hours ago, Benton said:

I hope you can see why someone reading this, may think your acting strange.

 

You can see how this could be misinterpreted as an insult instead of a concern over a possible bipolar issue somebody is having? What if somebody was, indeed, acting strange and did not have any dysfunctional/maladaptive aspect to it?

[AtheisticNonduality]

2 hours ago, Benton said:

flippant

There is definitely intentional provocation going on here.

1 hour ago, Benton said:

autism

Not a deterrent from normal writing since normal writing and manners are terribly formulaic and can be learned as a system. But we are not in a system; this is madness writing. Post-sane.