How do you give a woman space?

[Stratos]

I am in love with one of my close friends for a couple of months now. We both have feelings for each other but haven't communicated them appropriately. Only glimpses of them or drunk confessions. 

She broke up 1 week ago from a 1-year relationship and I found the opportunity to tell her how I feel. At a party, we both drank a little and I opened up. We made out for a bit. 

The next day she asked for time. However, I feel very bad because I haven't told her sober how much I truly care for her.

 

I really want to approach her and talk it out but on the one hand, she JUST broke up and on the other, I don't want to cross the "I need time" boundaries. Our communication is currently limited to a couple of texts a day. 

 

What's the best approach to get my feelings out of my chest without pushing her away? + How do I help her get through the breakup?

[Preety_India]

Space can be given in 6 ways 

1. Giving them an outlet for their outbursts, let them open up 

2. Giving them time to heal and cope and recover while not being in contact 

3. Giving them room for further negotiation and communication. No cutting communication. 

4. Give them room to express difficult feelings or ideas or thoughts or doubt or question. 

5. Give respect to their needs and wants and requirements and boundaries. 

6. Give them their own time for themselves or "me time" 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

7. Give room for mistakes and errors. 

8. Give regard for their concerns, feelings and reactions. 

 

 

Edited March 18, 2022 by Preety_India

[Federico del pueblo]

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Space can be given in 6 ways 

1. Giving them an outlet for their outbursts, let them open up 

2. Giving them time to heal and cope and recover while not being in contact 

3. Giving them room for further negotiation and communication. No cutting communication. 

4. Give them room to express difficult feelings or ideas or thoughts or doubt or question. 

5. Give respect to their needs and wants and requirements and boundaries. 

6. Give them their own time for themselves or "me time" 

7. Give room for mistakes and errors. 

8. Give regard for their concerns, feelings and reactions. 

That was straight to the point! No long introduction and stuff ??

[aurum]

5 hours ago, Stratos said:

I really want to approach her and talk it out but on the one hand, she JUST broke up and on the other, I don't want to cross the "I need time" boundaries. Our communication is currently limited to a couple of texts a day. 

Just let her be for now. Don’t be pushy about it.

And It’s good that you are sharing your feelings with each other, but you need to do it at some point sober. The alcohol is helping you get over your fear but it’s also makes things sloppy. Drunk commitments usually don’t go anywhere.

So give it a little time. And then sack up and have a conversation. “hey X, can we talk about the other night?” Something like that. 

[somegirl]

@Stratos She just broke up, I would leave her alone. She's not in the mood for any kind of new relationship for now, I would guess.

Then after some time has passed, you can bring up "that night". 

[Lyubov]

This is one of those situations that is helped a lot by having other options. I wouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket here and by that I mean your feelings for her and your dating life. Try to be going on dates with other women and meeting other women. It will release some of the tension around this and open up some space. From there she may not feel as pressured which could help your situation. It sounds like you are kinda walking on eggshells here. 

Alternatively, you could pursue her hard and you may get her due to some sort of rebound phase going on with her. I’m not sure what she’s into or the dynamics in your situation so there may be an opportunity as well here. Strike while the iron is hot. Things may mellow out and go cold if you don’t pursue her. The thing is sometimes you have to be prepared to lose her though given your situation. If you haven’t gotten with her but you want to, you have to be prepared to lose her as a friend.

This is in general why I try to avoid this scenario myself with women I know I’d grow quite attracted towards. For me, that initial spark of attraction I find works out much better when it starts from a sort of detached, low pressure situation. Kinda like a clean canvas or fresh start. Just easier to develop other aspects of the relationship but at the same time can be harder since you are starting from 0 with a person. When these sort of fond feelings of friendship are already there it can sometimes go your way or go heavily against you. Not saying it isn’t possible, it is, I just have found it uncomfortable and not the most enjoyable scenario to find myself in. I’m perfectly happy starting from scratch with each relationship but I’ll keep my options open as well if other situations arise. 

Edited March 19, 2022 by Lyubov

[Leo Gura]

Don't speak to her or text with her for a few weeks. Let her come to you. Let her initiate otherwise you come off needy/desperate.

You can also ask her to define what needing space means in her mind.

Also, if you're making out with girls you should be closing. Otherwise hold off the makeout. It can be awkward to make out and then not close, leaving an odd situation for later.

Make a distinction between a kiss vs a heavy makeout. Keep the heavy makeouts for when you feel the logistics are suitable to close. If not, deny her the makeout and tease her with short kisses. This is more classy, otherwise she may feel slutty.

[Kshantivadin]

13 hours ago, somegirl said:

@Stratos She just broke up, I would leave her alone. She's not in the mood for any kind of new relationship for now, I would guess.

Then after some time has passed, you can bring up "that night". 

IME and many others' - women hop from one relationship for another like its nothing.

[somegirl]

33 minutes ago, Kshantivadin said:

IME and many others' - women hop from one relationship for another like its nothing.

*Women who cannot function on their own and need constant company and reassurance they are desired and need others to know they are desired* maybe. 

I don't believe they even love their new bfs, it's impossible to love someone after knowing them for such a short amount of time. They hop into new relationships for different unhealthy reasons. They love relationship drama.

[Tech36363]

@Leo Gura space means some other guy , leo just doesnt want to be to rude to you @Stratos

[Leo Gura]

58 minutes ago, Tech36363 said:

@Leo Gura space means some other guy , leo just doesnt want to be to rude to you @Stratos

Not necessarily. Sometimes girls are dealing with their own personal drama and need some time to sort it out.

[integral]

The only case where giving them space doesn't work is when she's a serial dater and will jump on the next guy instantly.