High Consciousness Ways of Developing Social Skills?

[Insightful27]

I'm worried that in an attempt to develop my social skills I'm going to start caring a lot more about what people think about me. Building charisma is centered around saying the right things in the right way that gets people to like you. I know you can have great social skills without caring about what other people think about you, I'm wondering how you would go about developing that? The same thing goes for pickup, how to you develop social skills in a high consciousness way when it is something that is inherently lower consciousness?

[aurum]

@Insightful27

Here’s the key. You want to so deeply not care how others are judging or perceiving you that it goes full circle. And you’re now able to free up enough mental energy to develop true empathy.

True empathy is not possible living from a purely fear-state inside your head. You cannot perceive anything accurately that way. It’s like trying to look out of a broken window.

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

I'm worried that in an attempt to develop my social skills I'm going to start caring a lot more about what people think about me.

It's the opposite in practice. The more I socialize the less I care what people think about me.

I used to care A LOT. Now it's just irrelevant because I've talked to 1000s of people, many of whom rejected me and I grew a thick skin.

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Building charisma is centered around saying the right things in the right way that gets people to like you.

No! You fundamentally misunderstand what charisma is. It's not about getting people to like you or saying things you think they want to hear.

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I know you can have great social skills without caring about what other people think about you, I'm wondering how you would go about developing that? The same thing goes for pickup, how to you develop social skills in a high consciousness way when it is something that is inherently lower consciousness?

Go out and talk to people.

Talking to people is not some high consciousness activity. It's dumb. Learn to relate to people on a dumb, fun level. Don't treat it too seriously. Especially when talking to girls.

The biggest change I had to make to get good with girls is to learn to talk dumb. The biggest mistake is to trying to be intellectual or serious with girls. Ironically, learning to talk dumb is not easy if you're smart.

It is a mistake to try to make socializing "high consciousness". It's not supposed to be. It's like playing with a child.

[Yali]

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 I've talked to 1000s of people,

@Leo Gura How many years have you spent talking to 1000s of people?

I want an idea of how long I'd take.

Edited March 18, 2022 by Yali

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Yali said:

@Leo Gura How many years have you spent talking to 1000s of people?

I want an idea of how long I'd take.

There isn't a clear answer because there are periods in my life where I've socialized A LOT, and then other periods where I didn't talk to anyone for months or years.

You're looking at a few solid years of it at least to get decent.

[Yali]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

anyone for months or years.

you've had years on a dry spell? @Leo Gura

[NoSelfSelf]

@Insightful27 Great queastion btw you pinpointed the worst problem with going developing social skills...the problem is that self-help and old pick up is based on developing your fasade,bulding techniques,what you gonna say(pickup lines) but thats an old paradigm the paradigm of doing...you basically scam people to like you, what you wanna become is social master where you start to drop your constructed front you made(because you think your true self is not good enough) removing the things that is blocking your true you(alot of inner work that cant explain here) so basically if you care what other think if you try to say certen things to push emotional buttons, looking for approval trying to get something from them you are basically scamming people...but showing your true self and wide range of your true personality thats where they will like you or not and you wont be caring what they think because its geniuenly you...and your experiences will be genuene and true while the experiences from using techniques etc(you use them at right time automatically not strategizing) is gonna be not sustainable etc.

[aurum]

19 hours ago, Insightful27 said:

The same thing goes for pickup, how to you develop social skills in a high consciousness way when it is something that is inherently lower consciousness?

 

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Talking to people is not some high consciousness activity. It's dumb. Learn to relate to people on a dumb, fun level. Don't treat it too seriously. Especially when talking to girls.

The biggest change I had to make to get good with girls is to learn to talk dumb. The biggest mistake is to trying to be intellectual or serious with girls. Ironically, learning to talk dumb is not easy if you're smart.

It is a mistake to try to make socializing "high consciousness". It's not supposed to be. It's like playing with a child.

Leo's statements here read as non-resistant in nature to me. So obviously they work for him.

But I personally don't like this frame of "socializing is lower consciousness and I need to dumb myself down". Maybe there's some truth there, but I find there's still a sort of begrudging, resistant energy to it. "Fine, I'll play dumb for these idiots". Which will not manifest as strongly as really embracing socializing as something you love doing.

Since my goal is to have positive social experiences, I prefer to program my mind with thoughts more like these:

I LOVE socializing. Socializing is a chance for me to let loose and connect with people. I love people. I'm a people person. I can connect with anyone. I'm endless curious about people. I can be my true self and have deep fulfilling relationships. I appreciate all the people in my life. The people in my life are so supportive. They have my back. I'd do anything for them.

You don't need to believe in the metaphysics of manifestation to how those statements will manifest a better social life than just looping on how socializing is lower consciousness. Those statements feel good in my body when I say them.

The point is to find your own non-resistant thoughts about socializing. You know what you don't want (lower consciousness socializing). So what is that pointing you towards in terms of what you DO want?

Once you know what you do want, focus on that. The more you focus on it, the more real it becomes.

Notice too how certain statements clash with your current identity structure / worldview, and the resistance that generates. Can you release that resistance?

[Insightful27]

On 3/17/2022 at 11:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

misunderstand what charisma is. It's not about getting people to like you or saying things you think they want to hear.

Then what is charisma fundamentally about? Also, would you say after forming deep relationship socializing becomes higher consciousness? I know you've talked about deep romantic relationships taking on a spiritual aspect before....

Edited March 25, 2022 by Insightful27

[Insightful27]

On 3/25/2022 at 0:08 PM, Insightful27 said:

Then what is charisma fundamentally about? Also, would you say after forming deep relationship socializing becomes higher consciousness? I know you've talked about deep romantic relationships taking on a spiritual aspect before....

@Leo Gura