Shifty Me

[PureExp]

Its my observation (and I guess of many of you) that what I call "myself, me or I" is not constant, it keeps shifting from one thing to other. This made me think

In the early days, there was no I, there was just this magical experience of seeing through these two holes in the head. Later people told me I was me, something different from them. As I grew, I grew.

It was very fuzzy initially, but later took a form, which could be seen in the mirror. Others had similar forms, and they referred to themselves as I, so I started calling this body as I too. So I sat, I ran, I stood or danced. Actually body did all that, something simply tagged it as belonging to I.

Later a name was added and I was this name now, just a sound. More additions happened, and I was now also a son of particular humans that lived with me and fed me etc. Many things started piling up under the umbrella of I - looks, education, degree, profession, age, relations, attitude, nature, likes, dislikes, things I did, things I did not do and hundreds of things were I.

I was thoughts, I was emotions and feelings, I was a personality, an individual, which kept changing everyday and every second. Not very long ago, the I was a seeker, full of ego and "knowledge", I the knower, I the seeker, I the ignorant who is getting wiser. I was lost in me.

It slowly became apparent that I is only a thought, an idea, a concept which is a tag for certain experiences, namely that came via this body and mind. Everything else was not-I ..... objects, others, anything that was not so immediate and could not be controlled. So the mind divided the continuum of experiences into two - I and not-I. When seen neutrally, there were just events, experiences, some bearing tags of I, some not.

Another interesting thing to note was, the mind was not consistent. Sometimes I was sitting, sometimes "my" body was sitting. Other times it disintegrated into "my leg", "my hands", "my eyes" etc. Sometimes I was thinking, sometimes the thoughts were "mine". Sometimes I was a writer, sometimes I was just doing the job of a writer. So the identification and ownership kept alternating. It was just a play of language, a convenient way of describing some things. There was no concrete I there.

The I also becomes Self, the witnessing consciousness. This is the new game in the town. So I am that. But then when seen closely, its just another tag for an experience that simply is there. Now this experience also got added into the giant container of I.

I keeps changing colors. I is virtual, not a real thing, so it can do that. It is highly dependent on what is most important to the mind - body, people, objects, skills. It all is held together in a structure called memory. No memory, no I. The personality thus constructed out of millions of life experiences is just a few bits of memory, which is assigned to a variable - I.

Once I realized this, the I almost disappeared, it became unimportant. There was just "this-ness" - the experience of now and here. Now it is very clear that the thing called I was just an illusion, an artificial construct in the mind. Its back to the magical experience of seeing through these two holes in the head

 

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Hiya. What a journey eh? I'm realizing that all the ramifications of all the realizations, and then the ultimate realization, is that this realm is meant to be experienced and en-JOYed. Shared, enhanced, embellished, mostly mysterious and completely free and powerful. Do all of that while adopting 'The Golden Rule' while we're here to the best of your ability, second by second... living FOR each second.. you're living it. Being and becoming. 

[FirstglimpseOMG]

The nightmare and the 'good dream' ARE both dreams, but you can choose which one to run with & get as lucid about as you wish. I love the whole 'good dream' thing!!!