Fear of losing control

[Julian gabriel]

Possibly above all I fear losing control of my mind and body,  even though I don't really feel like I am in control of it now.

I still don't want to let it go and be conducted by intuition. 

Why is having control so satisfying? being able to feel that you are the doer of your actions is so pleasurable but stands in the way of surrender.

I want to surrender and stop this dumb mind game of pretending I have control. 

actually I kinda like the dumb mind games

 

Edited March 13, 2022 by Julian gabriel

[A Fellow Lighter]

So .. if you know that you're not in control, what is it that you fear losing, exactly?

[Kamo]

9 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:

Possibly above all I fear losing control of my mind and body,  even though I don't really feel like I am in control of it now.

I still don't want to let it go and be conducted by intuition. 

Why is having control so satisfying? being able to feel that you are the doer of your actions is so pleasurable but stands in the way of surrender.

I want to surrender and stop this dumb mind game of pretending I have control. 

actually I kinda like the dumb mind games

 

Because of Survival. Watch Leos 2 part video on Understanding survival. The ego is all about control in order to survive. So it fears its own disillusionment.