Feeling sapped of energy and unmotivated

[Radu97]

Hi guys! 

I wanted to share with you my  journey for the past 2 years of what I wanted to do with my career and how it turned out to not be what I wanted this leading to a lack of inspiration and motivation for me. 

Long story short I work in hospitality, in michelin star restaurants. I did a 1 year total internship in Spain during university and during the 2020 pandemic I finished my BA. In 2021 august I left my home country for the second time alone in London this time. I started very strong. All gas no breaks as they say. I was working hard, training bjj on my days off, lifting weights, visiting London, going to football games and even got a promotion in the first 6 months. As this may sound and look good at first after a few months after december I started to feel burnt out. Working 12-13 hour shift with 5-6 hours sleep in between shifts. With the promotion I got more money but it came with more hours worked. I work an average of 55-60 hours a week and also commuting for 45 mins each way. During working here I was also treated as a door mat a lot of the times. The managers saw that I am pushing and doing a very good job therefore I was the only one being asked to do favours like stay some OT or can you come earlier today at work the manager texting me at 7:30 am before that working 13 hours the day before. Don't know how I ended up here but I ended up just working and getting home absolutely dead tired. On my off days I have no motivation to go and workout or go to a bjj class. I ended up abusing weed smoking almost everyday. I stay home as well all day doing nothing because I am just to dead tired from these long shifts. The upside is that I am able to save some money but at what cost? My sleep is almost non existent (I put my alarm at 9:30 am and wake up at 7 and can't go back to sleep this while going to sleep at 2 am), I am losing a lot of weight because my appetite is very low I bearly eat anything all day. I feel very stuck and don't know what to do. My first decision would be to just quit and go back to my home country. But I don't know if I will regret this decision. 

I really don't know what to do and feel stuck. What do you guys suggest? Because by every week passed I just don't want more and more to not work in this field and in this country. I tried to also have a romantic life by going out on dates but every time we couldn't find common ground on our date time to meet. Or we would go on 1-2 dates but it would stop there. I had a shroom trip a week ago to help me lift my mood and have a bit of clarity in the way my emotions and thoughts flow through me. But after 2 days I was right back in the 13 hours grind shift. 

What do you guys suggest I do or how do you see this situation from an outside perspective? I feel it is not worth it to grind away my time, health, sleep and personal life for the £. On one side I win better money on the other side I have sacrificed my personal life, health and sleep for it. I also thought that I am wining like a wanker and always find excuses to my situation and try to claim responsibility. This would mean me continuing to work this job and forcing myself through this lack of sleep and lack of motivation to push through and go to train bjj, lift weight and go have a romantic life while working 60 hour weeks with 3 x  13 hours shifts and 2 x 10 hour shifts a week but inevitably this will lead to burnout. Or here as well maybe I'm just wining like a wanker should just shut the f up and keep moving forward. This is what most people tell me. "Hey just shut up and work! When I was your age I would work 25 hours a day 366 days a year!" That's literally what people tell me when I ask for support. (I'm 24 btw).

 

Don't know what to do right now and I became desperate. The thing is if I quit for my wellbeing and go back to my home country my mind/ego views this as a major failure and this automatically make me suffer even more because I was the one who wanted to come to london and work this job not knowing in what I'm getting into. 

 

Sorry for the long post guys. Any response is welcomed! Thanks!

[vizual]

Do you have some higher goal for yourself? If you don't, it can become hard to justify to yourself why you are grinding away if it isn't leading to anything that you feel is worthy of your efforts. Surely you will be able to transition into something else in London which inspires you more to justify your efforts. You already found out that no amount of money is worth sacrificing your happiness for, that's already a valuable life lesson. Now you just need to find something that is worth suffering for, and then the effort you put in will feel less like effort.

And people are wired differently. Some people are totally fine and content with working a meaningless job for 40 years straight, and all power to them. While other people will start eating themselves up if they aren't progressing toward a higher goal. You have to be honest with yourself and make the decision that is right for you. Not the decision that works for someone else.

[Consept]

If you ever want to chat about it just drop me a message, im studying to be a financial advisor, have a business etc. I know its tough in London, i grew up there and still live near, its like everyones just there to grind and make money esp coming from over seas

[BlueOak]

First making changes isn't losing, its adapting so you can win.

Stress is cumulative and causes fatigue as the body shuts itself down to preserve itself. It causes loss of sleep, anxiety, loss of sexual drive, loss of appetite, loss of personal drive, eventually depression etc. You will continue to shut down areas of your body/mind and life until you relieve stress. So my first advice is relax in whatever manner works for you, seek out ways to relax and try a few. 

If you work in high stress environments and have little time to relax, then use that little time to relax preciously. You can do a five minute yoga routine or five minute meditation. You might find a relaxing form of martial arts, or walks in nature, swimming, calming music etc as you travel to work. Whatever it is. Life shapes itself around you too. This is hard to understand at first, but how you react/reflect and act will inevitably shape your life, even if it seems like everything's happening to you, it works both ways.

Also why make it binary. London is its own country almost, like many capitals. There are a wealth of places in UK that are nothing like London, many of which are based on tourism. I'd be tempted to go to the coast and the ocean alone is going to make you feel less stressed, along with those around you. 

Do a bit of research on locations within the UK in your preferred field, especially those related to hospitality. If you want a gold mine in the UK go to Jersey on the holiday season or christmas and earn a fortune in hospitality tips, if you can get in ;).  Its not called millionaire island for nothing. *I've only heard this info second hand

If you prefer the city life to quieter towns, here are the cities I would look at, but a town might well suit you so have a look along the coast.
https://www.tripsavvy.com/popular-uk-cities-for-international-visitors-1661845

Here is a personality quiz based around location: 
Info: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-31816926 - Test: https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/where-in-britain-would-you-be-happiest/zkmrpg8

Finally If you want the mechanics of stress I dropped this video earlier.

*Also have you spoke to your boss about this, he/she is human (some of the time :D) and might well adapt things to suit you rather than lose you, if you are valued to them.

Edited March 11, 2022 by BlueOak

[Radu97]

This has become the problem. Because of this grind I basically lost my purpose and don't know why I 'm even working in the first place. I booked a 2 week holiday and I'm going back to my home country in april to stay and think and get some time off with my family for easter. I was even thinking of changing departments to learn something else. But that would mean taking a paycut. Also what makes me go on this downward spiral is the loneliness I have here. While I used to train bjj at my gym at least I had some people to talk to and change a few words. But now due to being exhausted I have no motivation to go and train. I just sit home and do nothing or at least talk with my family. Every morning when I wake up I feel like a train hit me and basically my initiative to go out and live life is almost non existent. 

[jimwell]

You are similar to a typical Japanese who works himself to death. It is called "karoshi". I have heard many times about young Japanese (early 20s) who worked 12 hours a day with essentially no days off (they don't take their rare days off) for big Japanese companies. They made much money but it was all pointless because they ended up dead in their lates 20s or early 30s. The way they died was horrible. They showed up at work in the morning and then collapsed. It's intriguing that their death occurred in the morning. Why not in the afternoon when they were supposed to be more exhausted? 

Some hard-working Japanese are able to make it in their late 40s before they get sick and die. The others don't die but get depressed and are forced to quit because they just can't continue anymore. Others just murder themselves because of depression. The last category of hard-working Japanese is the one which my former 55-year-old student who works for Toyota Motor Corporation as an Industry-Design Engineer belongs to. 

His words:

"My life is nothing but work. I have been exhausted and wanting to quit for many years but not been able to. I have made billions of yen but it's pointless because I don't even have time to spend them." 

He looked frail and unhealthy. I hope he is still alive now and ok. 

It's obvious to me what you should do. Change the work situation. Try a different job if needed. If nothing works, go back to your home country and then regroup. 

Additional info:

My former student wasn't on vacation when he studied. His company required him to do it, so the company paid for it. Studying was part of his job at that time. 

Edited March 12, 2022 by jimwell
added additional info and description

[BlueOak]

@Radu97

Depressions a b*tch my friend. Been through long periods of it. You are not alone.

Sounds like you need a change and it really sounds like you need to stop beating yourself up about it all. Plenty of people that will do that for you. Anger is a way out of depression, its like a bridge to something better. Everyone goes through these snapping periods where they can't take something anymore and have to make a change.

Its not losing its life. It sucks sometimes. Somethings we are powerless to change and somethings we can, especially what we do ourselves. Make a change and try for better. Make a plan, make another plan, make another plan and try all three. Fail until you win. Sorry its hurting right now, just know it happens to everyone that they end up on their backside at times. 

The only way out is doing something else, making that move somewhere else, or talking to your boss. You'll probably have a lot of career changes in your life. Just something that happens to us all. Maybe build on some of the things you learned here or use it show you how you never want your life to be again.

Get some long periods of sleep, life will seem a bit better if you can have some time off to rest and relax. Sounds like you are long overdue a holiday. All the best.

Edited March 11, 2022 by BlueOak