Trip Report 01 - 1.5g Psilocybin Magic Mushrooms

[Grant6]

Today I had my first trip ever on psychedelics. The only other drug I have experience with is weed, which I've done around 7 times in my life. 

Just for background I have been watching Leo's videos for over 6 years now and am very familiar with his teachings about Love, Truth, etc, you all know. I am 24 years old. 

Not sure what the norm is when organizing trip reports, but I split mine up into 3 sections: 
Pre-Trip - thoughts and feelings beforehand
The Trip Itself - any in-the-moment things I wrote down
Post-Trip - my thoughts and feelings afterwards

I also tripped with my friend who is a little more experienced and he did 1.8mg. He is spiritual in the casual sense but does not have any kind of framework for understanding existential matters like I do from Leo's videos, nor is he very concerned with that kind of stuff. 

 

PRE-TRIP

6:57am

Just looked at and contemplated my list of top 10 values. Felt good to ground myself in that, and I feel more energized and more excited to take the mushrooms because I feel like I have some direction that I want to go in now. Before I was feeling more anxious and fearful because my mind wasn't clear and felt foggy, just felt more prone to negative thoughts. Now that I grounded myself in my values, my mind feels much clearer and I feel more excited about taking the mushrooms. Still have a slight headache though.

What's most meaningful to me in life? That will be my intention.

7:15am
Also, what value can I provide to others?

 

THE TRIP ITSELF

< > = post trip elaboration

10:40am
Ate mushrooms.

11:29am
Heavy headed, still feel good, also sleepy but probably cause I still haven't eaten.

(I didn't write time stamp for these)
It's a placebo
<idea from "The Universe Is A Dream," I saw how the mushrooms is just a placebo or in other words an excuse for us in the dream to get closer to God Realization. It's like we (God) had to convince ourselves that we need psychedelics in order to awaken because admitting we can awaken right now defeats the purpose of the dream, if that makes sense. It's hard to articulate.>

I can't remember. But that in and of itself is evidence of God. Thats why it's a separate thing! I feel like I am channeling a higher consciousness now, like separate from myself. But the separateness is there because if I were to admit that I am that would be too great to handle.

12:20pm
Everything makes sense.
It's all Love.
It's so simple.

I feel like I can predict the future when I am on shrooms.

I don't want to disrupt other people's dream.

Everything is a distraction from ___

2:24pm
Earlier was a lot to integrate (hold in my mind), but I have some takeaways now. My "purpose" is to be more charismatic. I've been in my shell a lot, and it's important for me to be able to communicate more effectively with others, but a big piece of that is being more happy/joyful. I'm communicating with myself after all (when I talk to other people), and that gives me comfort

My purpose as of now is to see more beauty (details of the dream) and help others discover more beauty around them and within themselves. Also something to work on is developing more charisma.

Forgetting is a convenient way of perhaps dismissing Truth when it arises. God is very clever.

No visualizations. I have no choice but to fall back into the dream. Fear of bursting other people's dream.

 

POST-TRIP

The Experience Itself:
• Every time I write to myself, I feel like I'm channeling a higher being or something, but that being is ME!
• Felt like seeing life from a birds eye view, then as I was coming down I felt like I was slipping back into the dream.
• Felt like I was having trouble articulating what I was experiencing (writing notes/insights down), precisely because God didn't want to be seen.
• Felt like solipsism, like I was the only thing that exists. I don't think it was God Realization, but a sort of introduction to it. 
• It's so hard to articulate what was happening! I wanted to tell my friend—"It's all a dream!! We're in a dream!!" but I kept it to myself because I knew he would think I'm crazy if I said it with such conviction, and would maybe be too piercing and actually terrify him? I didn't want to burst his dream. He took my silence like something was wrong, but then I assured him I am "feeling the shrooms," and am just internalizing it. 

--> for example, I struggled for the longest to even tell him, "It's all love," and, "It's a dream," and when I finally said it in a nice calm tone, what I noticed is I would be making eye contact with him but he would look away! Because it's like he knew it's true but didn't want to admit it/wake up to it.

• I was concerned with being caught outside of the dream.

--> for example, I felt like I had to sneak to my phone in the other room to write insights I was having, and when I began writing insights about how we're all in a dream, my friend came in the room and asked if I was ok! And I told him yes, but I knew he was going to check on me because it felt like he was subtly trying to keep me from being aware of the dream, like the crabs in the bucket analogy.

• Life felt very deterministic. Like we don't actually have control over what we do, except I suppose we have the choice to awaken, which happens gradually as much as we can handle.

Insights:

*some of these I felt like I was conscious of, but it was like half-baked awareness and not complete consciousness/awareness. Or am I only saying that so that I can continue to have a reason to pursue more spirituality? Guess it doesn't really matter either way.

• Life is so simple.
• Life is so empty, but thats what makes it so beautiful!!!
• We're all actors in a dream
• God works in implicit ways
• God communicates through humor/playfulness, and through beauty. Which is why I want to be more charismatic, so I can communicate to others more effectively.
• God reveals itself in ways that we can handle, such as lyrics in music. It's like God is winking at us, nudging us to find him.
• Life is just God exploring itself more and more.

After Thoughts:
• Human civilization is so fuckin complex. Thinking about how we all just want more Love, but our ways of getting it has been so all over the place. I know it's all Love, but I'm not directly conscious of that yet.
• Ethics is very important to me when dealing with people
• Challenge of life purpose I wrote (see more beauty and communicate it to others): showing others more beauty/love will inevitably result in some people rejecting me, and thats ok because rejection doesn't invalidate the love/beauty in any way.
• Have no tempation to increase dosage. 1.5g was great.
• Feel like my purpose is to guide people towards Love, towards beauty, to see what the dream is and gain appreciation of it.
• I feel like another aspect of my purpose is to figure out how to communicate the dream more implicitly/cleverly to others, because we are so stubborn we don't want to wake up! But that's where so much beauty lies in life.

Action Items for Dream Integration:
• Self care. I need to give myself more love, just by doing things I enjoy. Keep it simple.
• Self image. Read Psychocybernetics. Change my view of myself. For a minute I saw myself as a charismatic, charming guy and I felt really inspired. Felt like I broke out of my current self identity for a bit and it was liberating.
• More personal development. I need to do more learning, and continue developing good habits in my life, basically work on more ego development, before I move on to more psychedelics. I got plenty to chew on from this experience for a while.

 

Lastly, I am still a bit confused about what kind of mystical experience this was. I assume more clarity will come the more I trip, but my inner wisdom is telling me to focus on my personal development more, and maybe in like 4 months I can trip again with a new intention. Any feedback or tips on how I can improve moving forward is appreciated! 

[Matthew85]

@Grant6 Excellent insights! Thank you for sharing. 

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Grant6 said:

It's like we (God) had to convince ourselves that we need psychedelics in order to awaken because admitting we can awaken right now defeats the purpose of the dream, if that makes sense. It's hard to articulate.>

Yeah that’s one of the mindfucks I had on LSD.

You realize that even this story of “I took a psychedelic and had an awakening” is just more imagination. That is not what actually happened. Psychedelics are just more content within consciousness. It’s more like consciousness awakens itself, with no outside tool or authority all, just by its own will. Mind-blowing.

[Grant6]

@Matthew85 

[Leo Gura]

Very good! You got a little taste of spirituality. Now do 100 more trips and you might understand some things

[Grant6]

@aurum Yes exactly, so amazing to experience. The depth of this dream is so complex, I don't even know the half of it yet. But there's a reason for why it works the way it does. I can't wait to explore it more next time I do psychedelics.

[Grant6]

@Leo Gura Haha, challenge accepted

[Adam M]

I see you, brother. Thank you for the share. Deeply felt.

[Buba]

@Grant6

Any permanent changes in your psyche, mood?

[Grant6]

@Buba No permanent changes in my psyche. As far as mood, sometimes I do remind myself of the trip and it motivates me to keep going because now I have an experience of what I am working towards (it's not purely conceptual in my head), and also having a reference experience helps me wrap my head around Leo's more metaphysical topics, which is a nice feeling. But these are more circumstantial. I haven't experienced a permanent, prolonged mood change.