Figuring Out What Feels Right

[PepperBlossoms]

http://lonestaraca.org/am-i-an-adult-child/#:~:text=An adult child is someone,learned from stages of childhood.

An adult child is someone who responds to adult situations with self-doubt, self-blame, or a sense of being wrong or inferior, all learned from stages of childhood.

I think that some level of self doubt is good though because you are questioning things.  Self doubt is kinda the same thing as a sense of being wrong.  Again it is okay to do this and if one doesn't do it at all, they may be more of a problem.

Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home?

Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other behaviors?

Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family?

As an adult, do you feel immature? Do you feel like you are a child inside?

As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents? Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with the parents?

Do you fear authority figures and angry people?

Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way?

Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack?

Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves?

Do you involve yourself in the problems of others? Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis?

Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?

Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family?

I remember feeling awkward when people were at my house and we were in the kitchen/dining room/living room and felt more comfortable being in my room with the door closed but even then, I may not feel comfortable.  What I do now is just be on the other side of the country from my parents so that is no issue.  It was more being dismissive of behavior that it was excuses.  I cannot change other's behavior and don't care as much if I am not around the person ever.  I am trying to work with others better.  I didn't try to do the protection thing until recently and it was more against sarcasm.  Maybe I should study up on sarcasm some more as it can also just be funny/playful but can also be hurtful/mean. But again, if I am never around the sarcastic person, it is not an issue and is out of my awareness.  I can see that I am not "grown up" in some ways but also that we all have things we still need to work on and develop.  I think I am treated like a child in terms of being told what to do or questioned but I think that adults do that to other adults so that may not necessarily be a child thing - it is usually because there is an identified problem/concern that one wants to speak of.  Yes I have had a great fear of authorities and angry people.  If I distance myself, then it is no issue but I have noticed that I need to not pay attention to the tone, which I have connected as being scary, and rather pay attention to the subject of the voice.  I think I need to watch several videos of people with the assertive, aggressive, angry personality type so I can get more used to it and familiar with it.  Yes if the compliment is on "good job" or "you are pretty", I feel like it is a lie but if it is about some of my writing, I will agree that it is good.  I guess good job and pretty is very, very relative but I do feel proud of some of my writing.  Yes I will interpret criticism as an attack and need to work on that.  Maybe I should write down a bunch of ways to be criticized and how that can be helpful info and not hurtful and look at why I am interpreting it as an attack. Sometimes I think I can impact how they feel yes. I think we are all impacted by everything.  I may point things out to them that I see are problems.  I will judge myself but yes it is hard when you don't have a context for what is normal so getting more and more context is super helpful.  I think we are all effected by behavior, regardless of what it is.

Edited March 24, 2022 by PepperBlossoms

[Sucuk Ekmek]

 

That was a very good question. Why you are in that situation?