Figuring Out What Feels Right

[PepperBlossoms]

I am wondering if my typing style has become a bad habit.  Or has many bad habits.  I will sometimes just use the dash - and I am not sure if that is appropriate or not. If I am going to be writing and trying to sell the work, it may be beneficial to spend some time updating myself on various writing requirements.

Here are some that I would need to look up as I am not sure:

-Can you use - (dashes) or does everything have to be commas, periods, etc.

-When do you put the period and comma when it comes to a quote? Example: "My name is Susan", she said.  Stuff like that- I am not sure.  Again I used the dash again.  Part of me is like, oh well we should be more free to write however, but if I am doing it in a way that is annoying or improper, I may want to learn the commonly accepted way.

-Can you use sentence fragments or does everything have to be subject-verb?

I feel like requiring ourselves to be so compliant with the rules can feel like it is restricting; however it can also be helpful to be aware of what the rules are and what we can break and what we cannot.

-How to use ";". when do you use it.

[PepperBlossoms]

Having a Trello has been probably one of the most helpful things for keeping track of tasks that I need/want to do.

Oh that is another one.  Is it proper to be dashing stuff like "need/want" or is that not okay? I will add to my Trello.

I find that I will come up with things to do but then I will not necessarily do them.  Sometimes I say, meh I don't really have to, sometimes I say, meh I am not interested in that anymore.  It will vary.  It is not necessarily bad to not do things we told ourselves we would do.  It can be helpful to have a checking mechanism where okay, we say yes on somethings and no on others but it gets checked to where the original placement of yes's and no's doesn't have to be bound to that and can change.

[PepperBlossoms]

I am not sure if this is the best place to be journaling or if it even matters where I do it.

I had a personal blog that I did it in.  One problem with that is that you couldn't quickly see all of the blog posts and would have to click one by one.  Another way I had been doing it was using Microsoft Paint but again I had this small text over a large file and would have to scroll around to see everything as well as open and close lots of files.  Another one was notepad.

I usually don't go back and look at anything I write and there is a chance I will just delete it.  One nice thing about writing on here is that the text is small, easy to read and scroll though, and so if we ever wanted to go back to find things, it may not be that hard.  However, it is risky putting your thoughts on someone else's website because he or she could take their website down at any moment and some of the information that you type could be used against you.  It is cool though in that you can read other people's journals and it can motivate you to do certain things.

There is one side of the spectrum where we are sharing too much and another side where we are too scared to share anything.  Sharing too much can at least help us work through many ideas whereas if we are hiding, we may not be able to work through things as easily.

[PepperBlossoms]

I felt bad with regards to how much potential extra electricity was having to be used because the window coverings were not all the way down on quite a bit of windows and so I just went around and closed basically all of them.

It would be nice to have a tool where you can press a button and it will close all of them for you and you can also select which ones you want to open up and at what time and based on what temperature it is outside.

I am not sure if writing our day to day thoughts is helpful or not.  If we are writing about it in terms of "I feel good" and "I feel bad", maybe that is a good thing because it is possibly helping us to better understand what we like and do not like.

I feel good about having gone through the exercise of trying to look at the career suggestions I was given

I feel good about the videos I have watched recently and the books I have read recently as they seem to have been very helpful

I feel good about trying to work things out and utilize different sources

I feel bad about how I utilized different sources

I feel bad about the way by body feels tight in some places like my arm - I need to stretch

I feel bad about feeling super cold - I need to do laundry to get the warmer stuff clean so I can wear it!

(I have those in my Trello already though)

I feel bad about having missed the meeting and not just cancelled my registration or made a better effort to attend.  I need to be more responsible with that.

I feel good about writing ideas down.

I feel partly bad about using this site to write ideas because there is the desire to not put everything that you want to put.  If I had my own private journal, I could put anything.  That is something to think about.  I have made a note to look in to other journaling apps.  I guess there is the idea of, oh well if I put things on here, people can read it and give me suggestions whereas if it is private, no one will be able to.  I guess another option is to not put the most private things but I can put everything else.  A concern though is lets say I come up with some great ideas.  Those could get stolen by someone else because I put them on here - if I am trying to capitalize on them as my own ideas.

Again it is hard to know what to do.

I feel bad about my posture

[PepperBlossoms]

I feel like one of the things with derping is that we may do it because we haven't learned how to not do it.

When we were in school - all the way from kindergarten to the end of college, we were kinda basically instructed to sit, be quiet, don't move around, and just watch the teacher, do what the teacher says, write down what the teacher says, memorize what the teacher says.  We were to take everything in but there was no back and forth.  Yes we would take a test but we didn't really have to know how to use the material, we just had to know the surface of it to answer the questions - we would look for matching keywords, we would look for clues as to what the question was asking and what data points that we had for solving it and/or answering it.  There wasn't any time where we were to have one person telling us lots of data and we had to quickly interpret it and tell them the data back.

I think another thing that causes derping is because of the way jobs are - we don't really get a say in stuff - so we are just like as we were when we were students, we are to just follow commands.  Yes to a degree the higher your position, the more you get a say - but also to some degree, you are still the slave following the commands of the others.

People may feel like they are not rewarded to be executioners because they get paid the same annual salary regardless, so there is no incentive to go above and beyond (unless the company rewards you for that).  Companies will get the profit, you won't, you may feel like you are getting used, you may get pissed off, you may feel like you are not getting paid enough, you may ask for a raise, they may come up with an excuse for why they can't do it such as "raises aren't offered at this time of the year, we have to see some more, we are still looking in to it, etc."

The people who make amazing things have to step outside of being a derp and start acting, doing, going for it.

Ways to not derp:

Someone is talking and you try your best to stick with it as much as you can, no matter how hard it is to pay attention and stick with it

When you are talking, you have to actively consider that there is someone you are talking to and you can't just keep on talking and talking.  You have to look at them and make them as part of it.  (I am really bad at both of these still.  I tend to have thoughts and I am just speaking what I am seeing/thinking and am ignoring the other person.)  Multi-tasking can be helpful or just doing on thing at a time.

I guess the process of not derping would have to be getting shown a lot of new, different ideas and feeling inspired to actively seek them out yourself.  Getting inspired to think about them and spend a lot of time doing that.  Being around people who actively share their ideas.  Being able to actively back and forth share your ideas and respond and then listen and then respond.

Of the thing I put in bold, how would I get better at that?  Also I would tend to resist doing things.  Someone would say, hey lets do xyz and I would kinda respond as a slug.  How would I be like yeah, lets do it!  I think you just have to get in the habit of being "on" and saying yes.  Notice your urge to say no and resist it and say yes.  However, it is also helpful to NOT say yes to everything too so that is really tricky.

To be better with others:

Notice, I am with another person.  I am not alone.  The other person has thoughts just like me.  The other person wants to be listened to just like me.  The other person wants my attention and to be addressed just like me.  I forget this items constantly.  I have gotten too used to being in my own bubble even if I am around other people.

In one way, you have to take your ideas less seriously so that you can take the other person more seriously.  You are putting 99.99% of your attention on the idea and 0.01% of the attention on the person you are with.  That doesn't work.  If you want to be with the other person, you have to put maybe 60% of the attention on the idea and 40% on the other person.  I need to get better at constantly looking at the other person for feedback, clues, info.  I guess I am so absorbed at what I am coming up with, what I have come up with, and what I could come up with, that I am rejecting that there is another person there.

Problems we have with others COULD be problems we have with ourselves.  When I talk and talk and talk and the other person doesn't say anything, I may initially get mad that they were not listening and are not responding.  However, I too was no listening to them - not listening to their body language and responding to their need to be part of it. 

I liked what the woman in the 14th hikes documentary said - she mentioned how she would let her husband go after whatever goals he wanted.  I thought that was a nice, supportive way to be.  I am so used to my parents trying to push their interpretation of what goals are and are not allowed to be gone after but she was like, no we are all adults and we can pick what goals we want and I am not going to get in the way.  It is like the therapist thing where the parent has a guess of what would be best for one's path but that is not necessarily going to be as good as what the individual thinks will work for them.  So when my parent or friend is telling me stuff to do and I don't listen, that is because again I am thinking about it one way and they are thinking about it another way and we have different priorities and different needs.

I also thought that it was interesting how the guy in the derping video said that humans will push the boundaries to their limits and how it seems many humans have decided that they do not have boundaries and what is going to happen is those boundaries are going to continue to get pushed.  I can see that I am pushing the boundary to the limit of staying at my peer's second home and how, yeah that could get taken away - that has helped hugely with saving money and not having to pay it on rent, utilities, property tax, whatever.

I too would like to let people go after the goals they want and not try to convince them they can't and be supportive of their endeavors - which that could look like asking them how it is going... ah I am not sure on this.  Part of me feels like you shouldn't have to do anything when it comes to another's endeavors.  Sometimes when people are being supportive, they are actually hurting us because they are pushing us in a direction we may not have otherwise chose for ourselves.  Heck, I remember when I was younger, the direction I wanted to go in was to work at a strip club- I thought it would be fun.  The me now says, oh well was that a stupid want?  Looking at how I don't really want to use my college degree at all, the college degree, which my parents pushed, seems even more ridiculous in a way.  Well maybe not.  I guess I was thinking it would be cool to get to interact with people - but again, would I have even lasted and that could be a really dangerous, toxic environment.  Also, some of the patrons could be scary too.  Also, you don't know how that is going to impact your reputation.  I can't believe that I had my friends ask the owner if I could work there and he said, okay show up tomorrow with xyz.  Part of me is like, oh well my face is so innocent looking and haha what is he thinking saying yes to that.  My friends convinced me not to go the next day and I also didn't like the idea of having to wear flats as all of the ones that I had had had hurt my feet.  (Wow that is weird using 3 had's in a row but I guess that is possible...)

So with regards to pushing the boundaries to our limits, we could do that with money - trying to stretch it in as many ways as possible, with our time - trying to be as efficient as possible, with the activities that we do - selecting ones that will help us with growth as much as possible.  I think I do that with money by A, not spending it on housing as I am currently lucky enough to not have to, and really only spending it on food for the most part (which food is still super expensive).  Also because I rarely drive, I am not spending it on gas as much.  I can stretch it even more with the gas app that tells you where the cheapest gas is and with the grocery store app that lets me get coupons and other discounts - and then if I go to the local one, I will save on gas and time... but the local one is more expensive but maybe with the app with the savings it will still be worth it. All the mental energy and time spent into going to the other one that turns into a 3 hour trip does take away a large chunk of the day.  Regarding efficiency, well I guess part of that is just not blowing my time on things like video games, the news, gossip, talking to people for so much but it doesn't really go anywhere or provide for much.  Talking to people is weird because it can be a huge time waster and distraction, but sometimes you need those people when you need help/friends and if you keep on blowing them off and only interact when you want them, then they may not be there for you because you aren't being there for them.  That is a tricky one.  Also, what about the whole phone call thing.  If someone says, hey lets talk on the phone or lets zoom later.  Part of you is like, ah is this going to be a waste of time?  Do I turn this down?  I am still not sure.  Regarding activities that help us with growth - that could be writing, reading books, meditating, exercising, creating, questioning.  I guess with regards to reading books, watching documentaries, watching movies, talking to people, reading stuff on forums - these are tricky.  One could easily blow so much time doing it and it not be productive or lead to anything.  But sometimes you have to be willing to not be productive and it will take you to places you never knew you could go to and give you totally new and different experiences.

[PepperBlossoms]

Part of me is like, oh talking to people is a waste of time, but another part is like, well ignoring them is rude and if you can do it quickly, then hey, that is a win-win.  I feel like I go in phases where I want to spend a whole lot of time talking to people and then other phases where I just want to be by myself.

Like it doesn't take that long to send a reply and depending on the reply, some will require more time than others.  If it is just a simple, hello, I hope everything is going well, well that is pretty fast.  Sometimes we will want to put a lot of effort in and sometimes we won't and that is okay too.

I think also like even with writing, I could put in a lot of effort to get the grammar right or I could put in a little effort.  Sometimes putting in medium effort is good. 

[PepperBlossoms]

One of my peers sent me this.  It is so nice to see this thing happening.  They said that they hope to be able to get 90% of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch and are also installing interceptors and rivers all over.  This is super great!

[PepperBlossoms]

I feel like when we moved away from being in communities with our family and neighbors, we got some more isolation and "everyone for themselves" attitude.  There are good and bad things.  The stuff is more unevenly distributed.  Instead of it being shared among the community, it is more within the individual.  Families do not even necessarily share the wealth with each other.  Every person is having to figure out how to exploit in order to survive instead of working together.  It makes sense in a way that we evolved towards this because the exploiters would do better than the sharers.  However, we also evolved to share because we had to to survive.  One person couldn't do everything.  It is like a pendulum where you go back and forth from exploiting to sharing to exploiting to sharing. Systems are becoming more resilient in some ways and weaker in other ways.

Tradition and culture and sharing common beliefs is less as much a thing.  Parental opinions are having less of an effect because people can share info with others so easily that they are not limited to those within their geographic boundary.

We can more massively fix things and more massively mess up things.  Some structures are deliberately messing things up and some are deliberately fixing things and some are doing something in between but that will also depend on the perspective used.

I like the idea of trying to be as efficient with ones time as possible as that lets one get more stuff done.  I came up with the idea, well if I have to eat and I have to stretch and I have to do the tennis ball thing and I want to finish a documentary, I can do them all at once!  There is a bit of opportunity wasted because when you eat, you are doing a physical task with your mouth but not using the body or brain.  When you watch a documentary, you are using your brain but not your body.  When you stretch and use the tennis balls, you are only using certain parts of your body and not too much of your brain.  However, you could also be stretching and using the tennis balls and it can be meditative too.

My mind does jump from one thing to another as it has many things it wants to cover and explore.

I feel somewhat weird about - okay I still am not doing anything about the job thing - but I also have a bit of things that I want to do first.  I am not sure if that is bad or not but also, when we get into a job, it takes so much time and kinda prevents other things.

I was thinking about exotic flowers and how they can be inspirational for exotic ideas and activities.

https://www.lovingly.com/featured-content/unwrapped-blog/lifestyle/10-most-exotic-flowers-around-the-world/

 

https://livingcolorgardencenter.net/gardening/exotic-flowers/

 

https://www.flora2000.com/blog/2014/07/10/10-must-see-exotic-flowers-from-the-world/

 

https://hanatropicals.com/large-tropical-arrangement/

Exotic stuff can inspire us to seek out other exotic stuff.  New ideas inspire new ideas.

[PepperBlossoms]

Ah sometimes I find a movie that I was looking for but then there are some others that look cool too and I am like, I want to watch all of these!! ...but there is only time for one.. so have to stay focused on the one I was going in there for!! ..but it can be cool to mess around and look at new things though too.

The adaptability of going with one way and then switching and then adapting and then adapting and then adapting.  We want flow state but sometimes we want to break the flow state too...

It's like, what is it that makes this look so tempting to watch!???  Because it looks new and mysterious or what?

[PepperBlossoms]

14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible

"In life you have to keep doing what you believe
You have to ask yourself do you really want this from your heart
Is it for the self glory? Or is it for something bigger?
Sometimes the idea that you come up with may seem impossible to the rest of the world but that doesn't mean that it is impossible to you
And if you can inspire one or two people in a good way, you can inspire the world"

[PepperBlossoms]

I like new stuff which leads to new stuff which leads to new stuff.  Exotic stuff inspires exotic stuff.

You may not want to pick a corporate career because the amount of new stuff starts to taper off in context with leaving and finding other new stuff to go chase.  You could find yourself diving into one area of reality and then crawling out and then diving into another and then crawling out.  Life may not be about finding one final thing to settle on forever but rather what the next stepping stone to jump to is.  Kinda like in Mario Party where your player jumps from one mushroom to another.  We are kinda on one mushroom at a time and we jump from one to the next and sometimes we jump backwards (there's also sideways, forwards, diagonal, whatever).

The stuff that my imagine would currently want to jump through would be: art, writing, music, learning, exploring, helping, loving.

[PepperBlossoms]

Otherworld

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg6-pAgO-J4

Life is short.  Look at new stuff!:

What if the world had places like this and not just for kids?

 

The more buffer you have, the more you may take risks.

When you don't have a buffer, there may be no considering new ideas because all you are so at risk if you take any risk at all.  It may be work, work, work, work because to deviate for any moment from that is to die.  The tightrope is too tight.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1rmsJM_2UI

spinning tea cups

[PepperBlossoms]

Fashion models look bored all the time - I wonder if they really are bored or if they are told to act like that. I think the oh I am too good to be here mindset is supposed to be consider appealing because if they were smiley and happy, they may see too accessible and the idea is that people want something that is not fully accessible, something rare.  Its like a mind game that the companies require their models to do to send a certain tone about the brand.  Like, hey we are in a limited access club - you have to work to get our attention, we won't just give it to you.

[PepperBlossoms]

Asian food looks soooooo good

[PepperBlossoms]

 

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[PepperBlossoms]

Aggressive Design

Edited March 12, 2022 by PepperBlossoms