Nerd Your Help: How Do I Stop Caring About Whether Or Not I'm Good Looking?

[heisenburger]

Hi, throughout my childhood when I was very young I was bullied for my looks which made me insecure. I used to always think that if I was good looking I would be happy, now I'm seventeen years old and after puberty I now love how I look. The problem is it's not fullfilling, now that I think I'm attractive I'm scared of losing it whether it be getting older and getting wrinkles or getting fat or going bald.

After seeing both sides I now realise valuing looks similar to other things like valuing approval is a trap. Even at a stage where I objectively see myself as good looking I still suffer emotionally for fear of losing it. I want to detach from it completely.

When I didn't have good looks I felt bad and now when I do have them I still feel bad because im worried of losing them. How do I detach completely from this value of needing to be good looking. It's at the point where I just don't want to give a fuck. Is there a way to do this? . It's especially difficult when I've been programmed through commercials society etc to care about looks. How do I make it so

1: I don't care whether or not people find me attractive.

2: I don't care whether or not I perceive myself as attractive. 

 

[eskwire]

@heisenburger Try a negative visualization. Think about the worst case scenario (being ugly) in serious detail (feel air on your ugly face, water running on your wrinkly hands). 

Also write down thoughts you have about appearance and its importance. Examples: "I don't want to go bald. I want to be good looking. I have to be good looking." Whatever goes on in your mind. Apply the Byron Katie method to each thought. Thework.com 

[Visionary]

23 hours ago, heisenburger said:

Hi, throughout my childhood when I was very young I was bullied for my looks which made me insecure. I used to always think that if I was good looking I would be happy, now I'm seventeen years old and after puberty I now love how I look. The problem is it's not fullfilling, now that I think I'm attractive I'm scared of losing it whether it be getting older and getting wrinkles or getting fat or going bald.

After seeing both sides I now realise valuing looks similar to other things like valuing approval is a trap. Even at a stage where I objectively see myself as good looking I still suffer emotionally for fear of losing it. I want to detach from it completely.

When I didn't have good looks I felt bad and now when I do have them I still feel bad because im worried of losing them. How do I detach completely from this value of needing to be good looking. It's at the point where I just don't want to give a fuck. Is there a way to do this? . It's especially difficult when I've been programmed through commercials society etc to care about looks. How do I make it so

1: I don't care whether or not people find me attractive.

2: I don't care whether or not I perceive myself as attractive. 

 

I think it's very connected in your case. Maybe your desire to not loose your attractiveness comes from fear of rejection. I think it would be key to stop caring what other people think of you. Trust me that's not an easy job. Train unconditional self-acceptance. Try to love your fears. Try to love your problems. And drop your desire to get rid of this problem. If you fuel that desire this can turn out to be very problematic. Desire creates a 'perfect' scenario and thus creates an enormous pressure subconsciously. Perfectionism and anxiety problems go hand in hand.

 

[jse]

Superficial "ugliness" is actually a blessing in disguise - often it leads to strong character-building traits.  For example, Donald Trump didn't get to where he is today by winning beauty contests.  Hmmm, poor example...

"Good looks" are skin deep, and only shallow people care about that.  If you fulfill some need to impress them, you will only attract superficial people in your life.

 

vs

Edited January 22, 2017 by jse
added pics

[mostly harmless]

Did you ever meet a person that you thought looked amazing but then when she (or he) talked you lost all interest?

Is there somebody that one of your friends thinks looks great but you disagree or vice versa?

Did you know someone when you were young who used to look good but today doesn't anymore? Do you think less of that person now?

Do you know someone who looks good but has a bad character? Do you respect or like that person? Do you want to spend time with that person?

What are the persons that you like the most? Would other people think they are attractive?

Did you ever meet a person who you thought looked average or not so great but when you got to know them you realized at some point, that you now thought the person was actually kind of good looking?

Did you ever meet someone who nobody except of you thinks is good-looking? Are you wrong?

[MellowEd]

It's just a limiting belief