I always need revenge

[machinegun]

I'm pretty sure this area of myself is in stage red and I want to ask how to get myself out of this rut. 

Basically, the problem is whenever I'm insulted or disrespected I feel the need for revenge always. I don't need to kill them, but at least equivalent or more. The stress that is caused by these grudges is unbearable, I carry around lots of anger inside of me. I also place heavy emphasis on loyalty (also stage red), which is seldomly reciprocated because I grew up in a green city and now am at an orange college. I'm sick of feeling this way and don't know how to rid myself of these feelings.

[Cathal]

it's a certain kind of sweetness but you will always crave more revenge. it will feel good but there's no freedom and it's good you see it now, but there's a lot to go into - i guess the best thing i would say is so you have these emotional triggers that seem to be coming from people (externally) - have you ever redirected that inwards and began to try to understand where it's coming from? 

this anger within you, maybe sometime in your life someone created a lot of anger inside of you - maybe you are still attached to blaming that person, so each time you get triggered you automatically project it externally, you feel like a victim of your anger. so there lies the power in seeking freedom and understanding, taking responsibility for your anger to look inwards and see what is really going on. 

there are no others. just you. you are creating this suffering within yourself, you are not a victim. these are all stories you've attached yourself to and now this is the consequence, endless triggering and a need to hurt others because you believe they are hurting you.

but it's just understanding! once you gain the right understanding, you will truly be able to let go so don't worry, but trying to get rid of the feelings isn't the way. revenge has you thinking

 ah, if i gain my revenge i will be free

- but no, you will be miserable, creating a shitstorm inside of yourself and other people. that is so much karma right there you don't want sticking to you

[Loba]

Revenge never works out...
I've tried it, sometimes I get caught in it...
When you feel the need for revenge, try writing out how you really feel and what you want to do to that person on paper, and then rip up or throw the paper away.  

This allows you to use that vengeful energy, but also get some distance from it.
Sometimes when we are mad, we just have to get it out, and that is okay.
You can also break old dishes, or if you have furniture you don't want anymore, take it out with a bat and break it up.

Revenge adds to your karma, but using that energy to understand yourself takes away from that karma.
It's like a fire alarm going off, telling you that you need to work on something.  The fact that you are aware of it is already taking it away from your karma.

You just have to remember to stop and get some distance before you act out of revenge.  That's the biggest step.  The next time you feel it, go for a walk first and then write the letter.  Do whatever you can to get the energy out in a healthy way.  You can do it!  Remind yourself that you are a good person for noticing this and wanting to change it, and that you are already halfway there to changing this.

Revenge in larger context creates war between people.  You can see it play out all around you.  So when you take the steps to change it within yourself, you are actually changing the face of humanity for the better.  You are not alone in feelings of revenge, we all get these emotions from time to time and part of being a human is learning to work through it.

You can also try this if you are caught up in revenge, this takes like... a minute to do and you do it when your emotions are not positive and are not bringing you the results you want.

So here's an idea: 

*dickweed does something to you and you need to get revenge... STOP!*

Do this hand exercise, then go for a walk, then write down how you feel and throw the letter away - and see how it gets rid of the need for revenge.  It should work if you do it.

[Thought Art]

“Now the war is won…. How come nothing tastes good?” -Arcadefire 

I have a vengeful shadow self which is separate from my normal state of consciousness that is VERY toxic. It’s vengeful, manipulative…. Very hard to work with when I get triggered. 
 

But, it’s part of the shadow work. Learning to see these negative aspects of ourselves with love and compassion is very important. A lot of us carry a deep anger, an ego, a fighter in us. We need to learn to love it but also see it’s an illusion. There is rarely a need to get even or anything to fight. A strong awakened person does not get bothered but the sleepiness of others. 

Pema Chodron has a good book… think it’s called “Peace in Times of War” or something. Very good, short and sweet (like 70 pages)

Edited March 6, 2022 by Thought Art

[itachi uchiha]

the wise forget events instead of taking revenge

leo has many good videos about fixing emotional problems. practice some spiritual paths

[PurpleTree]

i'm also often pretty sensitive when attacked  

for example yesterday i was at a club and there was a fight and someone pushed me, and i pushed back pretty hard and confronted him

but thinking about it later thought should maybe just have ignored it.

such a situation could easily escalate

probably stems from childhood anger, can only try to let it go and gobble plant medicines

[Raze]

Try IFS therapy 

[SamC]

16 hours ago, machinegun said:

I'm pretty sure this area of myself is in stage red and I want to ask how to get myself out of this rut. 

Basically, the problem is whenever I'm insulted or disrespected I feel the need for revenge always. I don't need to kill them, but at least equivalent or more. The stress that is caused by these grudges is unbearable, I carry around lots of anger inside of me. I also place heavy emphasis on loyalty (also stage red), which is seldomly reciprocated because I grew up in a green city and now am at an orange college. I'm sick of feeling this way and don't know how to rid myself of these feelings.

@machinegun You get angry becuase they disrespect you the same way you disrespect yourself. That thing that you hate and disrespect about yourself.. what is it and why do you hate it? Investigate that. When you understand what that is, you will understand love.

Thats the airy fairy answer. The real solution is to trust in yourself and go in the direction you want to go in - when you go that way, you will eventually heal.

^^ conciousness alone is currative^^ follow that concept, and research it. Find ways to raise your conciousness, find small streams of conciousness that will let you flow to a place where you trust yourself and who you are. When you have arrived to that oasis in the dessert, no one will disrespect you beause you will no longer disrespect yourself. You will be free - Free of yourself.

[Carl-Richard]

When you get disrespected, do you voice your concerns to this person or do you say nothing?

[Thought Art]

4 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

When you get disrespected, do you voice your concerns to this person or do you say nothing?

I think you can voice your concerns but there’s a tact that is needed 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Thought Art

[machinegun]

@Thought Art @Carl-Richard Funny thing is usually I don't say anything. 

 

[Carl-Richard]

22 minutes ago, machinegun said:

@Thought Art @Carl-Richard Funny thing is usually I don't say anything. 

Therein lies your problem. Emotions have a function which is to direct attention and energy outwards towards a task in the environment (in your case aggression towards a person). You're used to directing the energy inwards and into the mind where you create fantasies of revenge, which is not productive or healthy. When any emotion arises, grab the oppurtunity to solve the problem it is trying to address. Of course be civilized about it. I'm not advising you to commit violent acts.

[Thought Art]

11 hours ago, machinegun said:

@Thought Art @Carl-Richard Funny thing is usually I don't say anything. 

 

Check out the book “Not Nice” by Dr Aziz G