Dream girl/guy. Anyone found them?

[Spence94]

Has anyone actually found their 'dream girl/guy?' and is in a relationship with them right now? Or did anyone find them and then broke up with them?

How did it happen? (both longterm and short term)

Were you very clear and specific about the kind of partner you wanted? How much of those things were met? How much did you compromise on? (Given nobody is perfect.)

Did they fulfill your dreams so to speak?

James Marshal from TNL said "the most desirable and coveted women, more beautiful, more curious, more interesting  and more powerful themselves, will not settle for anything less than what they are. To get the 10, you must become the 10."

I don't like to give number ratings very much but for the sake of argument, did you 'become the 10'?

I heard someone say that your 'dream' partner will show up in your life much later than you expect...

Just curious.

Most of the forum seems to be about pick up/ dating much more than it is long term relationships with one incredible person.

 

Edited March 5, 2022 by Spence94

[Leo Gura]

23 minutes ago, Spence94 said:

Most of the forum seems to be about pick up/ dating much more than it is long term relationships with one incredible person.

If you don't have the principles of game down, when you find the one incredible person you will immediately turn them off and lose them.

If anything, game teaches you to stop looking and waiting for your perfect 10. It's not gonna happen. Just look for girls who are good enough. You have to learn to deal with imperfect people.

[Spence94]

@Leo Gura Yeah I see your point. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with having certain standards and specific things you're looking for though.

but yeah, healthy reminder. 

I think it was you who said on a topic in the past that 'the one' is just a girl who is good enough to settle down with.

Edited March 5, 2022 by Spence94

[Preety_India]

I found my dream guy. Happy forever and blessed. 

 

[Leo Gura]

22 minutes ago, Spence94 said:

'the one' is just a girl who is good enough to settle down with.

Exactly

You are never going to find the perfect romantic partner. They will all have problems. Just find one who has problems you are willing to put up with and that don't drive you crazy.

[Spence94]

@Leo Gura ??

[kamwalker]

You just want someone you can feel good around and feel comfortable sharing your life with and who doesn't judge you for what you are. When I look at my closest friends this is how they are. They aren't perfect but they're good enough. I don't see why we act like our romantic partner is supposed to be much different. It gets a little tricky because for most of us physical attraction matters for romance whereas it doesn't when it comes to friends. So finding a person who meets both of those is a little tougher. I haven't found someone yet that I can bucket into that, but I have a much better understanding of what I want. 

[QandC]

I found my dream girl (my ex), until I realized she wasn't my dream girl.

There's no such thing. And if there would be, it would be damn boring

[aurum]

@Spence94

Depends on how you define “dream girl/boy”.

It’s good to have a strong vision for your ideal partner. But the universe is interested in guiding you to becoming your most actualized version. That means you’ll go through learning specific lessons at specific times.

To facilitate this, the universe will often bring people into your life to specifically trigger your shadow and cause you to release resistance.

From the universal perspective, this person is “perfect” because they are exactly what you need to evolve and heal. Given that we all have some shadow work to do, this is unavoidable. You will not find a partner who doesn’t trigger you in some way.

At the same time, even with these shadow partners you may also find deep intimacy, excitement, compatibility, etc. So it’s not an either or situation. In my experience, it’s more a matter of degree.

I’m personally feel I have yet to meet my “highest” partner. But I also don’t expect myself or them to be conventionally perfect. I expect that we will do the work together.

It’s ultimately by surrendering our ego’s definition of “perfect” that a partner becomes that to us.

This tends to be the opposite approach to modern life. Modern life wants the external world to be perfect, and so we continually scramble to make it so, usually failing. We think that having options are better than commitment because options leave open the door for “something better”. And while there’s nothing wrong with a few options, we tend to get lost in the constant seeking. 

[Lyubov]

Careful with James. He’s a good dude that a lot of guys can learn from but his number scale rating is kinda dopey and something he needs to let go of. You will never reach 10 statue in your own eyes. You will always feel you have to improve something about yourself if you are still even watching videos on pick up. 

I also agree that you won’t find a “perfect” match. You can become conscious enough as to understand why relationships will always take some work and why there is friction when there is polarity. I would say if you have time though to play the field that it is good to date around and be in a number of relationships to get an idea of what works for you and what doesn’t. You won’t find this perfect dream person but you can find someone you are able to relate to easier and better with than others. Be careful about having your prayers answered though lol, what’s that about how answered prayers are more tragic than unanswered? You might find this “compatible” partner boring and passionless. I have no clue what I’m saying lol 

[Yarco]

There is no such thing as a unicorn. Please refer to the Universal Hot-Crazy Matrix:

Edited March 7, 2022 by Yarco

[Spence94]

@aurum ?? Gold. 

[Spence94]

@Yarco ?✌?

[Spence94]

On 06/03/2022 at 4:34 AM, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Better to deal with real people.

@Knowledge Hoarder  word.

 

On 06/03/2022 at 7:55 AM, Lyubov said:

 

On 06/03/2022 at 7:55 AM, Lyubov said:

You might find this “compatible” partner boring and passionless.

You can become conscious enough as to understand why relationships will always take some work and why there is friction when there is polarity.

@Lyubov

Got me thinking of a Jordan Peterson line.

"In order to have a relationship with the feminine, you have to sacrifice your relationship with the ideal."

Edited March 7, 2022 by Spence94

[Gili Trawangan]

No one actually said yes 

[Spence94]

3 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

No one actually said yes 

@Gili Trawangan

On 06/03/2022 at 4:35 AM, Preety_India said:

I found my dream guy. Happy forever and blessed. 

 

@Preety_India  Said she found them.

[Gili Trawangan]

@Spence94 Oh my mistake then.

[Spence94]

On 06/03/2022 at 5:16 AM, QandC said:

I found my dream girl (my ex), until I realized she wasn't my dream girl.

There's no such thing. And if there would be, it would be damn boring

@Gili Trawangan

and @QandC learned the hard way by the sounds of it. 

[Jacobsrw]

On 6/3/22 at 5:52 AM, Spence94 said:

Has anyone actually found their 'dream girl/guy?' and is in a relationship with them right now? Or did anyone find them and then broke up with them?

How did it happen? (both longterm and short term)

Were you very clear and specific about the kind of partner you wanted? How much of those things were met? How much did you compromise on? (Given nobody is perfect.)

Did they fulfill your dreams so to speak?

James Marshal from TNL said "the most desirable and coveted women, more beautiful, more curious, more interesting  and more powerful themselves, will not settle for anything less than what they are. To get the 10, you must become the 10."

I don't like to give number ratings very much but for the sake of argument, did you 'become the 10'?

I heard someone say that your 'dream' partner will show up in your life much later than you expect...

Just curious.

Most of the forum seems to be about pick up/ dating much more than it is long term relationships with one incredible person.

 

This predominant idea of the “soul mate”/dream partner” is a complete mental fabrication of society that really needs to be dispelled. It’s actually quite damaging for human relationships and the way in which we understand intimacy. Let’s explore some of the reasons why.

If you proceed with this presupposition you are completely limiting what constitutes a potential healthy relationship. For one, assuming there is such a person “soul mate” or “dream partner” completely ignores the fact there are millions of amazing people you could still potentially meet. It assumes there remains only a select few options among the many available to you. Not only this, but it straight jackets you into thinking that you know who the “right” person is. When really we have no clue what would amount to a healthy match until we have experienced many various relationships un-alike. It takes many organic interactions and incidental encounters to likely discover this.

Thirdly, its completely unrealistic to assume you could by any means  correctly find that “one” right person. You will likely only meet like 10,000-50,000 people in a lifetime and maybe only 1% of them you will probably meet more than once, much less become close with. Think about how few people you know relative to the world’s entire population, it’d be like less than 0.000000001%. Also think about how small of an environment you are selecting your partners from. You aren’t travelling the globe, traversing different cultures and climates, you are simply selecting the most convenient and closest locations approximate to where you live. And to assume that in these limited environments you will find the one is unrealistically absurd. Realistically speaking, there are probably hundreds of thousands of people you would be compatible with. However, this idea is daunting and requires effort to consider even more to attend to. It’s much easier to adopt the socially fabricated idea of a soul mate or perfect partner. This way you can justify not having to look elsewhere when options are poor or thin. It also means you can justify remaining in an unsuitable or unhealthy relationship when knowing you should leave it.

To realise this illusion would mean you have little reason to suffer the demising end of any relationship. You would realise it was just one among many others which may have produced better outcomes. You therefore have many possible opportunities ahead of you. It’s probably better to just appreciate the connections you are fortunate to experience rather than  prize or aggrandise them as if they were the best you could ever have. Just appreciate them for what they are without needing to compare them to what you don’t have.

Ps. This wasn’t directly aimed at you @Spence94 it was directed toward the conceit “soul mate”/“dream partner”. My apologies if it did happen to offend you

Edited March 7, 2022 by Jacobsrw

[Spence94]

@Jacobsrw No offence taken, appreciate the input. Besides, I like being snapped out of my delusion into more empowering truths, that's why I am here. 

This soul mate thing runs deep, even listening to TNL or Leo talk about attraction it's easy to get confused the moment they mention the 'one' or 'dream' partner. I think I'll just drop those words from my vocabulary haha.