Why the hell am I awake at 5:00 am?

[fopylo]

Lately I am going to bed super late (like 4:30 - 5:30) every night. I wake up at around lunch time.

Personally I don't really think this is something bad, but sometimes it seems that my father is worried and friends are telling me this isn't ok.

I don't understand. I don't understand why I still have the energy to keep going. Should I keep going or force myself to sleep. I can easily keep going to 6:00 even.

So basically I don't know if it is even that healthy, and if I should do something about it.

[Eph75]

@fopylo

If you didn't have to integrate with society, it wouldn't matter at all.

The only reason you "have the energy" is that you've skewed your operating hours of the day, away from what's normally accepted hours. Result is being tired at different hours, combined with a certain level of need for sleep, which is individual. 

Do you have a vision for yourself? What is that vision? Does these skewed hours support that vision? 

I avoid labels as good or bad, since our behaviors, attitudes and perspectives in general either are supportive to achieve what we're envisioning, or they don't. So there's a functional value in "either - or", not universal "good or bad". 

If you lack vision and you skew the day, it's fully understandable that a parent worry about one's child's ability to or inability to make responsible choices and be a responsible person. Responsible being defined by their perspectives. 

Does that make sense? 

So this calls out to you to honestly - as you might find resistance to state something honest to youself - assess whether you are relatively responsible towards what would be authentically "responsible" to you.

If you know that isn't the responsible thing to do, then it's a behavior issue and you not being able to regulate your own behaviors so that you can be authentic. 

Maybe the lack of seeing what you want for yourself is the problem. No vision. Assuming you love with your parents, that can't go on forever. So what comes next? Calls out to create a vision, to get goals, to make it happen... But what is it? 

What's "right", i.e. supports what you want, you need t no figure out yourself 

Edited March 4, 2022 by Eph75

[puporing]

Uhh, curious about this too, I sleep around midnight/1am and randomly wakes up around 4-5am almost everyday. Then half the time I go back to another nap or I don't and start going through the day. Then may need another short nap later in the day. Don't get it but it doesn't affect me currently so it's fine.

[Michael569]

@fopylo sounds like your circadian rhytm may be out of alignment. If we push our sleep time too far, we may unconsciously reset out body clock even before it is time to sleep and so your body perceives morning even thou it is deep night. It take a little bit  of work to put it back but this can help you get it where you need to get. 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Circadian-Code-weight-supercharge-energy/dp/1785042017/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1K5FYGPI0ZP1W&keywords=circadian+code&qid=1646419459&sprefix=circadian+code%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-1

Quite enjoyable reading and I found Dr Panda's work fairly easy to follow. It is not too technical either. 

 

[fopylo]

@Eph75
 

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Do you have a vision for yourself? What is that vision? Does these skewed hours support that vision?

I mean, honestly it doesn't feel super urgent for me to fix this "problem". Maybe only for the last day or two I feel like I want to wake up at earlier hours. I set a goal for myself to wake up at 12:00 pm, and it worked only once (I planned to go for a morning run hoping it will inspire me to actually wake up and not go back to bed. I actually woke up at 11:45 because my dog started barking lol). Those skewed hours don't really support the desire of wanting to wake up a little earlier. However, I did get to enjoy myself the experience of staying up late in the late hours when everyone is sleeping and no one can bother me in some way, I am more free and less worried. That is the good side of it.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

it's fully understandable that a parent worry about one's child's ability to or inability to make responsible choices and be a responsible person. Responsible being defined by their perspectives.

Yeah, today my father told me at family supper time in a humorous and worrying tone that it isn't good and that I'll need to start to change that. Not in a serious manner. But he gave examples such as chores that my sleep cycle isn't helping me to do. Don't get the idea that he is stiff though.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

assess whether you are relatively responsible towards what would be authentically "responsible" to you.

I don't think I'm such a responsible person, but I feel I have improved. This feeling is backed up quite a lot - my father feels confident when he lets me drive (even though it's been a while since, and sometimes I did some quick decisive moves which some of them he asked me to do like he's confident in me, trusts me), and also is less worried about me going for the first time over seas alone (well, with another friend for his first time as well), and is actually quite supportive. I've been in camp which I believe also adds a bit. But between me and myself, if being honest with myself, there is still more to go, thinking about what society defines responsible, more like what I believe my parents define it as.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

If you know that isn't the responsible thing to do, then it's a behavior issue and you not being able to regulate your own behaviors so that you can be authentic.

Perhaps it could be a phase, like many phases. It feels good but not forever. Preferences might change I believe.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Maybe the lack of seeing what you want for yourself is the problem. No vision.

Yeah, I have lots of phases like this as well lol.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Calls out to create a vision, to get goals, to make it happen

Doing those things, I've left behind ever since getting into spirituality, at least what I believed spirituality to be. This "stage orange" stuff just didn't vibe (perhaps negative judgment, emotionally wounded from it, suppressing frustration). Now I am excited to start bringing that stuff back into my life as I understand better spirituality. I want to play this game man

 

[Eph75]

@fopylo

That sounds great  just keep going.. 

A note on responsibility. 

It's not hard to take responsibility when push comes to shove, and around external things, as you mention, driving, camp and so on. 

High personal responsibility shows up in the little things, that seem little, but that makes all the difference. 

Ultimately, I'd say, what matters most is how you are "responsible" around managing your inner world, and maybe most of all those resistences that we feel that reason us to choose the easiest way out, away from responsible external choices.

Building strong responsibility by managing ourself in that way, around our behaviors and attitudes is self-leadership, and exumes "responsibility". 

I dare say that is what your parents are longing to see, responsibility showing up in the small. 

Let's say you do two things starting tomorrow:

A) You get our of bed and go to bed at a "normally accepted hour", no snoozing, no slipping, maintained discipline. 

B) You take one deliberate action that is responsible each day, varying that something each day, so that you just don't add one thing and repeat that. It doesn't have to be "monumental" but it would have to be something that is a stretch for you, meaning that it's something that you would otherwise procrastinate around, and around which you feel some level of resistance towards. 

Then keep it up, keep going, wait and see.. 

Your parents will recognize it, very soon. 

But more importantly, you will feel great about yourself. It's got a lot to do with our brain chemistry, but also you gain control over your inner world, which is the one thing that we can control. Those choices, to do that which we feel resistent towards, to take control over ourselves by own choice, makes us feel authentic. It's a great feeling, and you already know it is, you've felt it before, many times, but maybe not in a deliberate and controlled way. 

Also it adds a sense of agility, changeability, and possibility to have movement. 

If you don't have a vision, you're not moving in a specific direction, but that's OK. It comes down to building a "moveability" that you can call up for yourself where/when needed. Which turns out being all the time, everywhere.

Find a vision and you maximize the outcomes from the movements, towards some direction. 

But imagine for youself, that a vision doesn't have to be "change the world", "get financially independent" or something else "monumental". 

How about starting out with envisioning taking charge of yourself (inner world) so that you can use yourself as a tool to achieve some outcome of choice. The goals becomes building self-control and sense of self-efficacy. 

Visions can change, and should change.

Our outlook keeps changing as we make movement. Reassessing the direction of movement is natural, and over time, the direction becomes more clear, and this can be a lifetime project, not something that you must figure out at your age. 

That movement though, that's fundamental. Without self-leadership, the ability to influence your behaviors and attitudes, visions are just mirages.

The most "funny" part is that you could change this forever, today! It's that "simple", but it's not "easy". 

It's just the motivation and assertedness that is missing. And sometimes, just making a explicit choice to start is what's needed 

That choice is in your hands, right here, right now. Grab it 

Edited March 5, 2022 by Eph75