Unable to Love, but I’d Love to

[yetineti]

Context, of course:

I feel deeply at Love with the Universe, but have a hard time feeling this with people.

I never noticed how mechanical my thoughts are. I’m quite selfish, yet I know my purpose is humanitarian. How I get there, though, and the day-to-day Love for others is next to none from me.

My background suites this outcome and I’ve taken different psychological tests, talked to professionals (a bit), etc.

I’m just not super Loving towards others.

When alone I will feel a deep Love for others, but, again, it doesn’t translate much.

Any advice? I’ve been trying to burn through karma and be social again. 
 

I am thinking a lot of this is just correlating to the lack of people in my life too.

I went full hermit mode and have been for 2-4 ish years here. I left a lot of people, there’s been a death, some people left me.

I’ve been talking to the same 4-8 people for that time period. More like 4 though.

I didn’t think of the consequences of endless hermit truth seeking. 

 

 

[Spence94]

Not uncommon to become more introverted and step away from people once walking the path. It takes time for the love for the universe to deepen. Inbetween that, it can feel there is a disconnect between you and people until the conciousness begins to express the love through itself towards other people in your life and world.

It's okay to keep your social circle small. Nurture those relationships. If they're meaningful to you, you can practice more love towards those people. A warm up for the love towards the other people aha.

The people around you are the Universe in love ultimatley. With deepening love for the universe, love around deepens.

[yetineti]

@Spence94 I appreciate the response, I agree.

It is honestly quite simple what is happening to me. 
 

Im just overwhelmed, 20 yo, alone.

[Spence94]

It's tough. You're doing good friend. You're doing good.

If you stay on the path of loving the universe, the universe will have your back and start to bring love into all areas of life. 

 

Edited March 4, 2022 by Spence94

[Leo Gura]

I don't particularly feel a deep love for people. People are pretty huge pains in the ass.

Some people are people people and others are not.  Your love might be more universal and should be expressed in ways that are not one to one.

Then again, don't turn this into a crutch. Explore deep intimacy with a few select people and use that to open yourself up to loving people more. Or psychedelics can do that for you.

Overly flowery love for people is usually paper thin and doesn't hold under survival pressures. As soon as you do the wrong thing those flowery lovey-dovey people get all pissy.

[Matt23]

2 hours ago, mw711 said:

I didn’t think of the consequences of endless hermit truth seeking. 

Are you starting to become tired and even pained by this life?

I suppose... if so and you're wanting to become more loving with people... 

One way I'm sort of been experiencing this lately is (I've had a similar experience... or at least a similar general experience of going full hermit and then wanting to connect with others more)... is that I notice how much feeling-love I have for people, even in person too... but also how much hate and frustration as well. 

One way may be to practice empathy deliberately.  

Another could be just doing work and projects with others, volunteer even, and just get to know people and the struggles and complexities of being a human via others.  This may generate more care and compassion for them as you get to see how difficult and complex it is, thus, you may develop more tolerance for them and forgiveness (at the very least).  This could backfire as well since, if you do it too much, you may get more disgruntled.  So I suppose a key may be to do something you personally find meaningful and do it with others so that the intrinsic meaning you feel will hopefully carry you through the tough shit with people so that you grow from the experience rather than get discouraged. 

[Matthew85]

3 hours ago, mw711 said:

When alone I will feel a deep Love for others, but, again, it doesn’t translate much.

It's interesting that you are able to feel it when you are alone. What thoughts come up when you think of expressing it in the world or to someone?

[Jacob Morres]

Hm. Is it trauma? Sometimes if we've been wounded, our hearts can close 

[RickyFitts]

I remember Adyashanti saying that the person you'll have the hardest time loving is you, yourself, and I think he was right about that - I think it starts with you, once you can love yourself you can love everyone.

No use trying trying to feign self-love if you really feel negatively about yourself, though, it's hugely important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. True self-love arises out of unconditional self-acceptance - not intellectual self-acceptance, true self-acceptance means allowing everything that had previously been repressed within you to arise. Emotional repression is essentially self-rejection and self-hatred.

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, Jacob Morres said:

Hm. Is it trauma? Sometimes if we've been wounded, our hearts can close 

This is very true, it's an excellent point. And that's fine if we've closed our hearts, it's natural to do that if you've experienced trauma and/or emotional upset (and who hasn't?), it's instinctive self-protection. It's where we need to have courage, though, because allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable can feel really scary - but it's necessary if we're to be truly spiritually-liberated, I feel. And it doesn't tend to happen overnight, so you do need to persevere with it.

[gettoefl]

important to have one deep friendship at least, can be platonic can be romantic doesn't matter, find that person and pour your love into them

love just means a constant mutually nourishing connection

[billiesimon]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Overly flowery love for people is usually paper thin and doesn't hold under survival pressures. As soon as you do the wrong thing those flowery lovey-dovey people get all pissy.

I'll admit that this is my issue. I'm quite flowery with people but I'm also quite careful with whom I hang out or tolerate. But I believe that it is possible to become more stable in loving people.

[Loba]

I don't feel a strong love, either.  I can only love a few people at a time, and with them I can have a very deep connection but not with just anyone.  Usually I am neutral.  Something to work on, for sure.

[yetineti]

23 hours ago, Matthew85 said:

It's interesting that you are able to feel it when you are alone. What thoughts come up when you think of expressing it in the world or to someone?

@Matthew85 When I imagine expressing what I feel towards people it feels exactly like a movie.

When I try to express it like that, I woo people - in a good way.

It feels like imposter syndrome.

My life went from chaos and lies to I can manage this and the universe is pure magic, my design.

[yetineti]

@Jacob Morres Certainly ‘trauma.’ But mainly general confusion and pain. I was not assaulted or anything.

Probably should see a therapist though just to get it all out.

[Mu_]

On 3/3/2022 at 10:02 PM, mw711 said:

Context, of course:

I feel deeply at Love with the Universe, but have a hard time feeling this with people.

I never noticed how mechanical my thoughts are. I’m quite selfish, yet I know my purpose is humanitarian. How I get there, though, and the day-to-day Love for others is next to none from me.

My background suites this outcome and I’ve taken different psychological tests, talked to professionals (a bit), etc.

I’m just not super Loving towards others.

When alone I will feel a deep Love for others, but, again, it doesn’t translate much.

Any advice? I’ve been trying to burn through karma and be social again. 
 

I am thinking a lot of this is just correlating to the lack of people in my life too.

I went full hermit mode and have been for 2-4 ish years here. I left a lot of people, there’s been a death, some people left me.

I’ve been talking to the same 4-8 people for that time period. More like 4 though.

I didn’t think of the consequences of endless hermit truth seeking. 

 

 

Dont make it into a problem that isn't one.  Maybe consider that "other people" is no different than the Universe you love, right?  Even from a silly science perspective, its all atoms and protons  and space, appearing as different objects and experiences.  Let go of how thats supposed to look in interaction, just be, interact, learn, love, feel like you stumble sometimes, rinse repeat.  Again don't make a problem that isn't there.

[yetineti]

@Mu_ I really appreciate your response. I needed to hear that. I used to be so social and I think I’ve confused my hermeting with actual social disability.