The female vs male friendzone

[patricknotstar]

It seems for a guy the friend zone is when a girl won't have sex with you whereas for a girl it's when a guy only uses you for sex and doesn't want to commit to you.

For example, as a guy, the friendzone is usually a female friend you're interested in where she will use your reliability, masculine energy, attention, etc but it never gets intimate. For a girl, it's when she's interested in a guy but becomes a "booty call' where he doesn't want her as a girfriend but will call her up for sex and she goes along with it in the hopes one day he will get serious and develop the same feelings. Has this been accurate in your experience.

 

 

Edit:

the whole purpose of my original post was to show women can struggle a lot with relationships too and feel frustrated and lonely because incels always tell me " well women can always get laid", but I know girls who struggle in dating that get used by guys and who feel like no one wants to commit to them. They exist and I know a few personally, and I deeply sympathize with them. I don't deny their struggle to find a partner that is patronizing "oh you're a woman you have it easy. " Just not true and I've seen women struggle first hand.

It's just what they struggle with that's different, for men its usually sex and for women, its usually commitment but the struggle is ever so real. So we should be more sympathetic towards each other and not make it seem one has it easier and their problems aren't valid. 

That was the purpose of my post, however, this whole thread has degraded...

Edited March 2, 2022 by patricknotstar

[patricknotstar]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Your ethnicity? 

indian, punjabi more specifically 

Edited March 2, 2022 by patricknotstar

[Spence94]

@patricknotstar usually the way. 

It can work the other way though. I've definitely 'friendzoned' girls I  met in social or work contexts that were obviously very attracted to me and wanted me to take the lead and move the interaction but I didn't want to. 

I've also dated women who were much more interested in me then I decided we should just be friends.

Either I just wasn't attracted enough in whatever way or I felt that I just didn't want to get physically, emotionally, psychologically, energetically, sexually and spiritually entangled with this woman so I didn't take it any further.

Edited March 2, 2022 by Spence94

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, patricknotstar said:

for a girl it's when a guy only uses you for sex and doesn't want to commit to you.

That's not the friendzone for women, it's just a situationship. 

Women get friendzoned like guys too... idk where you heard otherwise. 

[patricknotstar]

8 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

That's not the friendzone for women, it's just a situationship. 

Women get friendzoned like guys too... idk where you heard otherwise. 

not heard, what I've observed

[puporing]

I thought the definition of friendzone is you're not more than 'friends'... not some friends with benefits situation lol.

[soos_mite_ah]

@patricknotstar Yeah.. that's because women who get friendzoned tend to not make a huge deal about it because they can take rejection and appreciate friendship for what it is even if they want more. 

[patricknotstar]

9 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@patricknotstar Yeah.. that's because women who get friendzoned tend to not make a huge deal about it because they can take rejection and appreciate friendship for what it is even if they want more. 

That's a very polarizing statement. How people take rejection is individual,  Not a gender thing

[puporing]

@patricknotstar True I generally don't take it well . 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, puporing said:

@patricknotstar True I generally don't take it well . 

You're so elegant and a hottie. Anyone who rejects you, it's their loss. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

8 minutes ago, patricknotstar said:

That's a very polarizing statement. How people take rejection is individual,  Not a gender thing

It isn't inherent to gender but generally speaking, women are more socialized to value relationships while with a lot of men there is a sense of entitlement and there is a sense of not being able to see women as people

[puporing]

D'awww thanks @Preety_India.

[patricknotstar]

11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

It isn't inherent to gender but generally speaking, women are more socialized to value relationships while with a lot of men there is a sense of entitlement and there is a sense of not being able to see women as people

19 minutes ago, puporing said:

@patricknotstar True I generally don't take it well . 

This is exactly how toxic incels talk as well "women are entitled, women have unrealistic standards."  Just coming from the other end. 

*Sorry puporing I don't know how your post got caught up in this reply and I can't figure out how to edit it out.

Edited March 2, 2022 by patricknotstar

[puporing]

@patricknotstar ?? no problem yeah glitches happens.. I noticed especially on mobile.

[Gesundheit2]

The friendzone is something that halts advancements in the sexual survival agenda in an unprovoking way. It is the same for all genders, but of course it manifests differently for each person depending on their agendas. And of course, for men it's mostly about lack of sex while for women it's mostly about lack of "emotional connection".

[soos_mite_ah]

7 minutes ago, patricknotstar said:

This is exactly how toxic incels talk as well "women are entitled, women have unrealistic standards."  Just coming from the other end. 

Women get called entitled and bitchy when they try to set up boundaries or when they try to stand up for themselves. How often do you see a man get attacked or shot for saying no to a woman or telling her she isn't interested? How often do you see women becoming school shooters after being rejected. How often do you see men fearing for their lives as they walk down the street at night or when they go to a party. How often do you see men be only dismissed as an object and nothing more? Women get called entitled when they try to assert that they want a mutual relationship where they are seen as people by men who are actually entitled. It's projection. 

The difference between men and women who get friendzoned and incels are that the former group can take no for an answer. Sure it sucks and it hurts and you give yourself time to grieve, but you don't go around with a victim complex that causes you to demonize the person who rejected you. The latter gets all bitter, starts performing mental gymnastics of how women are evil and how feminism is destroying western civilization and how the world is divided into chads stacys and incels, and they fall deeper and deeper into hatred of not only themselves but also everyone else around them.

As a man, just like women who get friendzoned,  you can be friendzoned and not be a dick about it. Everyone gets friendzoned at some point, that's not a gender thing. The gender disparity comes up when bitterness comes into question, when you start to create a victim narrative of how you and your gender are the only ones who have faced such a thing.  Not all friendzoned men are incels, but the vast majority of incels are men. 

[patricknotstar]

14 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Women get called entitled and bitchy when they try to set up boundaries or when they try to stand up for themselves. How often do you see a man get attacked or shot for saying no to a woman or telling her she isn't interested? How often do you see women becoming school shooters after being rejected. How often do you see men fearing for their lives as they walk down the street at night or when they go to a party. How often do you see men be only dismissed as an object and nothing more? Women get called entitled when they try to assert that they want a mutual relationship where they are seen as people by men who are actually entitled. It's projection. 

The difference between men and women who get friendzoned and incels are that the former group can take no for an answer. Sure it sucks and it hurts and you give yourself time to grieve, but you don't go around with a victim complex that causes you to demonize the person who rejected you. The latter gets all bitter, starts performing mental gymnastics of how women are evil and how feminism is destroying western civilization and how the world is divided into chads stacys and incels, and they fall deeper and deeper into hatred of not only themselves but also everyone else around them.

As a man, just like women who get friendzoned,  you can be friendzoned and not be a dick about it. Everyone gets friendzoned at some point, that's not a gender thing. The gender disparity comes up when bitterness comes into question, when you start to create a victim narrative of how you and your gender are the only ones who have faced such a thing.  Not all friendzoned men are incels, but the vast majority of incels are men. 

Entitled, narcissistic, sociopaths exist in all genders. How they choose to enact their revenge is different. With men, it is more violent outbursts with women it is false accusations, defamation,  emotional manipulation. Doesn't mean one gender is inherently worse, it means bad people exist in both but just use different mechanisms...  You are trying to make it seem one-sided.

 

If you scroll through my profile you'll find I'll argue with a lot of guys in this forum section who try to villainize women. They also speak in the same polarizing and angry manner, so don't think I'm taking sides...

Edited March 2, 2022 by patricknotstar

[soos_mite_ah]

3 minutes ago, patricknotstar said:

Entitled, narcissistic, sociopaths exist in all genders. How they choose to enact their revenge is different. With men, it is more violent outbursts with women it is false accusations, defamation,  emotional manipulation. Doesn't mean one gender is inherently worse, it means bad people exist in both but just use different mechanisms...

I feel like you're looking at this in a very individual light rather than looking at this in a collective system. Yes people of all genders suck. But our behaviors don't exist in a vacuum and are influenced by culture and society, particularly on how that society views men and women. I never said that one gender is inherently worse. I'm just saying that the way that society has conditioned men into thinking they are owed everything is a big problem and explains why men get so butthurt and bitter over being friendzoned to where they develop "nice guy" syndrome. Women don't have this same mechanism because we are taught to respect people's boundaries and be more considerate with other people. Women get friendzoned. They might get upset and sad about it but they just don't bitch and moan about being friendzoned to where they take it out on other people.  And don't even get me started on the whole false accusations thing....

[patricknotstar]

1 minute ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I feel like you're looking at this in a very individual light rather than looking at this in a collective system. Yes people of all genders suck. But our behaviors don't exist in a vacuum and are influenced by culture and society, particularly on how that society views men and women. I never said that one gender is inherently worse. I'm just saying that the way that society has conditioned men into thinking they are owed everything is a big problem and explains why men get so butthurt and bitter over being friendzoned to where they develop "nice guy" syndrome. Women don't have this same mechanism because we are taught to respect people's boundaries and be more considerate with other people. Women get friendzoned. They might get upset and sad about it but they just don't bitch and moan about being friendzoned to where they take it out on other people.  And don't even get me started on the whole false accusations thing....

 "I never said that one gender is inherently worse."... true you didn't say those exact words, instead you just wrote multiple paragraphs explaining why it is the case. Own your words and ideas.

 

[soos_mite_ah]

13 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I feel like you're looking at this in a very individual light rather than looking at this in a collective system. Yes people of all genders suck. But our behaviors don't exist in a vacuum and are influenced by culture and society, particularly on how that society views men and women. I never said that one gender is inherently worse. I'm just saying that the way that society has conditioned men into thinking they are owed everything is a big problem and explains why men get so butthurt and bitter over being friendzoned to where they develop "nice guy" syndrome. Women don't have this same mechanism because we are taught to respect people's boundaries and be more considerate with other people. Women get friendzoned. They might get upset and sad about it but they just don't bitch and moan about being friendzoned to where they take it out on other people.  And don't even get me started on the whole false accusations thing....

I'm talking about how we have been socialized differently. If this behavior is the product of learned behavior and socialization, that by definition means that it isn't something that is innate or inherent to a person.