How Not To Be Judgmental ?

[somenathpal]

I am confused about the difference between judgments and recognition. I learned from Leo’s video that being judgmental is mental projection only may not be real. But in practical life to live I need to make some judgment about people.

A very naive example would be when I am interviewing one person for some job I need to make a judgment about the skill sets the candidate has. I have been asked to do so by my manager so I cannot always say no to this. But also I know I am damaging myself by labeling others. So is there any way to just do the job without being judgmental?

[Saarah]

@somenathpal Judgements tend to just automatically appear like thoughts, they are a type of thought, I think the difference lies in your attachment and investment into them. I practiced it seriously for a month once, although I made judgements at the end as much as at the beginning, the awareness and detaching myself from them created a space between my reaction to the judgements, and even then the reactions were much weaker. They don't stop, it's just how you handle them.

Every day remind yourself to simply watch all your judgements when they pop up, just note them but don't do anything, you kind of notice how most are just unnecessary noise and let them go 

 

[Prabhaker]

2 hours ago, somenathpal said:

How Not To Be Judgmental ?

By becoming more conscious, more of a witness. Be less of a judge and you will be surprised that when you become a witness and you don’t judge yourself, you stop judging others too. And that makes you more human, more compassionate, more understanding. The man who judges himself continuously is bound to judge others too. Even more — he will be cruel, he will be hard on others. If he condemns himself for something, he will condemn others even more; he will always be looking for faults. He will never be able to see the glory of your being; he will become too concerned with trifles, with trivia. He will become too concerned with your small acts.

All that has been implanted in you has to be taken out; you have to be made pure again, pure like a child, innocent, not knowing what is wrong and what is right, just witnessing.

Out of that witnessing a response arises — a response which is total because your whole heart is behind it, a response which is total because it is your own response, not a repetition of somebody else’s teachings; a response which you will never regret, a response which will not make you feel guilty, that “I have done something wrong,” which will not make you feel egoistic, that “I have done something great.” A response is a simple response, it neither makes you feel inferior nor superior. It is simply the requirement of the moment. It comes out of your witnessing and it is finished. It leaves no trace behind.

2 hours ago, somenathpal said:

A very naive example would be when I am interviewing one person for some job I need to make a judgment about the skill sets the candidate has. I have been asked to do so by my manager so I cannot always say no to this. But also I know I am damaging myself by labeling others. So is there any way to just do the job without being judgmental?

No, don't mix meditation and job. You can live meditatively while you are not doing your job. You can't live meditatively 24 hours right now. 

[Telepresent]

5 hours ago, somenathpal said:

I am confused about the difference between judgments and recognition. I learned from Leo’s video that being judgmental is mental projection only may not be real. But in practical life to live I need to make some judgment about people.

The thing is, what you're doing here is assuming that your 'recognition' is de facto true.  You see, 'judgement' has a negative connotation in our language, so we automatically take it to mean 'negative judgement' - i.e. "that person is a bastard", "this person is ugly", "that person is stupid", etc.

But 'recognition', as you term it here, is also a judgement.  Everything you use to understand the world is.  EVERYTHING.  So... yeah, in practical everyday dealings in life, you have to judge, because it's the way that the human organism relates to the 'rest of the world'.  Negative judgement is just a more amplified, emotional, personalised version of that recognition.  Very emotional.  It tends to be tied in with your beliefs, your model of the world, your 'should' perspective.  The only reason "that person is a bastard" is that you have a set of rules that say they shouldn't behave like that.

So judgements are loud, emotional, overt versions of this process of 'recognition', which is actually definition (i.e. your mind looking at something and deciding what it is and is not), which is all model-building.  It's a very deep, very automatic process that we generally don't notice happening.  We take it to be truth, or reality.  So right now I can look at my table, and there's a cup, and a book, and some hand cream on the table.  But if I honestly look at what I'm seeing, it's a collection of shapes and colours, and I'm mentally compartmentalising 'that one is one object, called cup; and that one is another object, called book', etc.  I'm drawing the boundaries between them with my mind.  I'm defining where one ends and another begins in my mind.

This is just how the mind works, and you cannot stop it.  It's like trying to stop thinking: the harder you try, the worse you do.  Having an intention to stop judging - in my experience - will just frustrate you.  Instead, the solution is awareness.  Not just in terms of 'meditate more and it will go away', but of being aware of what and how you think about, shape, and define the world you encounter.  Pay attention to the judgements, recognitions, and definitions you make throught the day.  And then notice the judgements you make about the judgements you've made!  Just see it.  The rest takes care of itself over time.

 

Edited January 19, 2017 by Telepresent