Not wanting to dance with old women

[StarStruck]

So I'm doing salsa dancing and I notice there are quite a few old ladies that want to learn and dance. They are like 10% of the scene out here. I feel so bad for them because they say they never get asked out for a dance out on the dance floor. Sometimes I take one for the team ask them out but then they get attached and want to dance with me all the time while I'm out there to dance with girls from my own age or younger.

I mean women are generally never altruistic. They don't date below their status so to say. They never take one for the team and make a nerd/incel happy because they don't feel like it. So do you think these older women are right when complaining about guys not asking them out for a dance? I tell them to dance with their own age group but they are not of them.

I have thought about this subject for two days and this is what I found out. It is just survival games. Women are ruthless when its comes to that so why shouldn't we men be the same? Some women try to guilt trip us with mind games but we shouldn't fall for that. 

[something_else]

Why can't you just split it and sometimes dance with girls your age and sometimes the older women? If they make up 10% of the scene then 1 in every 10 times dance with one of the older women. I bet if girls your age see you having a great time laughing and dancing with the older women they'll want to dance with you even more

Yea no one is altruistic when it comes to their dating lives, but this isn't dating. This is salsa dancing

[StarStruck]

4 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why can't you just split it and sometimes dance with girls your age and sometimes the older women? If they make up 10% of the scene then 1 in every 10 times dance with one of the older women. I bet if girls your age see you having a great time laughing and dancing with the older women they'll want to dance with you even more

Yea no one is altruistic when it comes to their dating lives, but this isn't dating. This is salsa dancing

Because it doesn’t give me joy. Are you female by chance? ? This is what I mean. Why should I sacrifice? I’m not going to dance out of strategy and pretend I like to dance with them so other girls can see that. It is painful and tiring to pretend.

the bottom line is that men feel attracted to young beauty and females are attracted to other things. 

 

[Ulax]

@StarStruck Sounds to me like some well meaning co-dependent traits from you dude. I deal with similar thought patterns to.

Essentially, other than if you are being abusive, you are not responsible for other people's emotions. If you don't want to dance with them, then you don't have to, and you don't have to justify yourself.

Its toxic to demand that other people dance with you because then you are demanding that people deny their own preferences.

If she feels sad, or angry, or whatever emotion, that no one wants to dance with her, that is valid for her to feel. However, it isn't your responsibility to fix it. Its her responsibility.

To my mind, the above is the psychotherapeutic approach to boundaries.

48 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I mean women are generally never altruistic. They don't date below their status so to say. They never take one for the team and make a nerd/incel happy because they don't feel like it. So do you think these older women are right when complaining about guys not asking them out for a dance? I tell them to dance with their own age group but they are not of them.

Also, this is why many incels are toxic. They feel angry at women, and that anger is valid (cos its an emotion. Note though this isn't me saying that they should feel angry at women). However, they then match with an entitlement to women, and things about how its unfair that women aren't into them. In dating terms, people don't each other shit, except non-abusiveness. Women sometimes do the same thing too in reverse.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Ulax
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[Ulax]

25 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why can't you just split it and sometimes dance with girls your age and sometimes the older women? If they make up 10% of the scene then 1 in every 10 times dance with one of the older women. I bet if girls your age see you having a great time laughing and dancing with the older women they'll want to dance with you even more

Yea no one is altruistic when it comes to their dating lives, but this isn't dating. This is salsa dancing

To my mind, if OP doesn't want to, then he doesn't have to. He wants to dance with young women, that preference is valid, and non-abusive. 

[StarStruck]

22 minutes ago, Ulax said:

@StarStruck

Also, this is why many incels are toxic. They feel angry at women, and that anger is valid (cos its an emotion. Note though this isn't me saying that they should feel angry at women). However, they then match with an entitlement to women, and things about how its unfair that women aren't into them. In dating terms, people don't each other shit, except non-abusiveness. Women sometimes do the same thing too in reverse.

I was this guy for a while to be honest.

Quote

Sounds to me like some well meaning co-dependent traits from you dude. I deal with similar thought patterns to.

Essentially, other than if you are being abusive, you are not responsible for other people's emotions. If you don't want to dance with them, then you don't have to, and you don't have to justify yourself.

Yea, I need to work on codependency. It is not easy. There is this book called The Human Magnet syndrom which addresses it. I will read it when I have time.

[Ulax]

@StarStruck Nice one dude, and respect for the introspectiveness.

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

I was this guy for a while to be honest.

Yea, I need to work on codependency. It is not easy. There is this book called The Human Magnet syndrom which addresses it. I will read it when I have time.

 

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Women are ruthless when its comes to that so why shouldn't we men be the same? Some women try to guilt trip us with mind games but we shouldn't fall for that. 

Can't you devide "women" from this particular older lady who asked you to dance? 

Everyone wants the best they can get. Both men and women. So don't blame them for it.

That being said, noone is forcing you to dance with older ladies. If it makes you uncomfortable/doesn't bring you joy, then by all means decline. 

In my opinion they should dance with someone their own age or within they age range. Otherwise it's just weird.

But though, are they very old or just a few years older than you? 

[something_else]

52 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Because it doesn’t give me joy. Are you female by chance? ? This is what I mean. Why should I sacrifice? I’m not going to dance out of strategy and pretend I like to dance with them so other girls can see that. It is painful and tiring to pretend.

the bottom line is that men feel attracted to young beauty and females are attracted to other things. 

Nah I'm a dude.

No one is making you, and you certainly don't have to, but it's nice to do things for others sometimes. The picture I get here is that these ladies feel left out since I'm assuming there aren't that many men their own age there.

It's good to try and include everyone in these kinds of activities if you can. You wouldn't want to feel left out either

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, Ulax said:

@StarStruck Nice one dude, and respect for the introspectiveness.

 

I'm also very reactive in conversations. I don't know if that is a product of codependency or something else.

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Nah I'm a dude.

No one is making you, and you certainly don't have to, but it's nice to do things for others sometimes. The picture I get here is that these ladies feel left out since I'm assuming there aren't that many men their own age there.

It's good to try and include everyone in these kinds of activities if you can. You wouldn't want to feel left out either

Charity is not charity if I have to force myself. Also when I give so much charity they get use to it and keep expecting it. I'm not there to entertain all the old ladies. What I range old is 40-60.

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

Can't you devide "women" from this particular older lady who asked you to dance? 

Everyone wants the best they can get. Both men and women. So don't blame them for it.

Agreed. But they keep complaining about it instead of accepting it. Some women have a hard time accepting that men lose interests in females once the female get older. 

Obviously my issue is that I'm susceptible for guilt trip mind games. That is what I should be focusing on.

Quote

That being said, noone is forcing you to dance with older ladies. If it makes you uncomfortable/doesn't bring you joy, then by all means decline.

But though, are they very old or just a few years older than you? 

What I range old is 40-60.

Quote

In my opinion they should dance with someone their own age or within they age range. Otherwise it's just weird.

Yea it is weird because she said she would be at a party where I'm going next month, and I could feel her neediness from me, so I felt weird, I tried to hide it to be polite but I thought I'm tired of hiding it lol.

[Ulax]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

I'm also very reactive in conversations. I don't know if that is a product of codependency or something else.

What's an example of reactivity you'd have?

[somegirl]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Agreed. But they keep complaining about it instead of accepting it. Some women have a hard time accepting that men lose interests in females once the female get older. 

True true, throw women in trash once they turn 30 ?

[PurpleTree]

i actually kind of like "milfs" for the lack of a better term

not 60 but over 40 is fine

[StarStruck]

45 minutes ago, Ulax said:

What's an example of reactivity you'd have?

So my gym buddy told me I don't have a good schedule/work-out routine (in a joking way), and I immediately try qualifying and explaining myself.
Or if a girl says she can only go out on friday, I'm willing to reschedule immediately.

46 minutes ago, somegirl said:

True true, throw women in trash once they turn 30 ?

And ..... tada.... the guilt tripping has started

29 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

i actually kind of like "milfs" for the lack of a better term

not 60 but over 40 is fine

Each his own thing. No offense.

[Ulax]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

i actually kind of like "milfs" for the lack of a better term

not 60 but over 40 is fine

Milf gang

[John Paul]

or do you want to dance with an old lady and lying about it because then you don't have to have the balls to dance with a hot chick and you get the bonus of identifying as "altruistic"

[integral]

Start a dancing service, hook up the elderly with willing men, use a subscription model monthly payable, hire a few young men to dance with the chaps pay them with tips, incentivize the men to go the extra mile. 

branding: Dance Chaps

Problem solved, the elderly satisfied, you're now A good person, rest your conscience.

Bonus Points: Niche discovery, Recruit young men with elderly attraction. 

Triple win.

Edited March 2, 2022 by integral

[puporing]

@integral you're on a streak today. ?

[puporing]

@StarStruck Maybe it's a great opportunity to collapse the duality between 'old' and ' young' . 

Not that you have to dance with them.

[patricknotstar]

14 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So I'm doing salsa dancing and I notice there are quite a few old ladies that want to learn and dance. They are like 10% of the scene out here. I feel so bad for them because they say they never get asked out for a dance out on the dance floor. Sometimes I take one for the team ask them out but then they get attached and want to dance with me all the time while I'm out there to dance with girls from my own age or younger.

I mean women are generally never altruistic. They don't date below their status so to say. They never take one for the team and make a nerd/incel happy because they don't feel like it. So do you think these older women are right when complaining about guys not asking them out for a dance? I tell them to dance with their own age group but they are not of them.

I have thought about this subject for two days and this is what I found out. It is just survival games. Women are ruthless when its comes to that so why shouldn't we men be the same? Some women try to guilt trip us with mind games but we shouldn't fall for that. 

I don't think men are more altruistic than women. I've never seen a guy date and seriously commit to a girl out of pity any more than I've seen a girl do it. Unless you think having sex with a woman for one night is a favor because to a woman it is definitely not. Women don't view sex the same way as men they want commitment. 

Example no guy has ever felt "used for sex" it just doesn't happen "bro she just wants to sleep with me and give me bj's but she won't commit" ; but many women have felt this way. Men and women value different things 

Edited March 2, 2022 by patricknotstar