Not wanting to dance with old women

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@StarStruck maybe you can find a salsa class for people your age and singles:)

This is a club that is specifically for young people so I had wish they would go to clubs for older people but unfortunately they don't.

4 hours ago, Medhansh said:

Totally your choice man, just don't hurt their feelings.

After all, they are sweet old ladies looking to have some fun. Polite rejection would be the answer here.

I'm trying to stay polite as much as I can.

But now I also know how a hot girl feels. She doesn't want to fuck a sad depressive guy out of pity. She has to get something out of it too and the same counts for men who don't want older women. 

I feel zero guilt and they should respect my decision.

1 hour ago, puporing said:

@StarStruck Maybe it's a great opportunity to collapse the duality between 'old' and ' young' . 

Not that you have to dance with them.

I see what you did there, but I'm dancing for fun, not for altruistic spiritual motives.

1 hour ago, patricknotstar said:

I don't think men are more altruistic than women. I've never seen a guy date and seriously commit to a girl out of pity any more than I've seen a girl do it. Unless you think having sex with a woman for one night is a favor because to a woman it is definitely not. Women don't view sex the same way as men they want commitment. 

Example no guy has ever felt "used for sex" it just doesn't happen "bro she just wants to sleep with me and give me bj's but she won't commit" ; but many women have felt this way. Men and women value different things 

If a guy doesn't want to commit to a girl it simply means she doesn't have what it takes to be her girlfriend.

I'm not saying females should become altruistic. I'm saying they are not altruistic so they shouldn't expect men to become altruistic and many do expect that.

[puporing]

@StarStruck You really don't need to justify not wanting to dance with certain people rofl. No guilt, just have fun! Enjoy the life you have.

[StarStruck]

3 minutes ago, puporing said:

@StarStruck You really don't need to justify not wanting to dance with certain people rofl. No guilt, just have fun! Enjoy the life you have.

True

[puporing]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

True

????

[StarStruck]

1 minute ago, puporing said:

????

You think feelings never need to be justified?

[puporing]

Just now, StarStruck said:

You think feelings never need to be justified?

It's a feeling, it's as real as it gets for you. Justifications sound like something to appeal to/not upset the collective - which isn't what you want deep down anyway. Deep down you want to live your truths.

[StarStruck]

7 minutes ago, puporing said:

It's a feeling, it's as real as it gets for you. Justifications sound like something to appeal to/not upset the collective - which isn't what you want deep down anyway. Deep down you want to live your truths.

Interesting insights. The reason I opened this thread was to explore that.

For the child the collective is the family. Probably I have to look into my bad upbringing and how that influences me today.

My mother was very easy to upset and I had to walk on egg shells all the time.

[puporing]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

For the child the collective is the family. Probably I have to look into my bad upbringing and how that influences me today.

My mother was very easy to upset and I had to walk on egg shells all the time.

It happens to most of us I think - not being allowed to be our true selves from an early age. And then the collective as a result adopts a similar outlook. We internalize this in ourselves and fear being rejected from the herd. Individuality is a rarety under the current situation we're in. But you have the power to change that for yourself and those around you.

[StarStruck]

7 minutes ago, puporing said:

It happens to most of us I think - not being allowed to be our true selves from an early age. And then the collective as a result adopts a similar outlook. We internalize this in ourselves and fear being rejected from the herd. Individuality is a rarety under the current situation we're in. But you have the power to change that for yourself and those around you.

People always say "just be yourself" but they never say how to be that. I think it means just to be true to one's feelings and emotions without the intention to hurt others as much as possible which will not always be the case. In other words, for guys, it is called the nice guy syndrome: not staying true to feelings and emotions and instead camouflaging it and bending over backwards to get praise.

[puporing]

1 minute ago, StarStruck said:

In other words, for guys, it is called the nice guy syndrome: not staying true to feelings and emotions and instead camouflaging it and bending over backwards to get praise.

Oh trust me it happens to both men and women ???. Especially in the 'family system'.

[patricknotstar]

16 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So I'm doing salsa dancing and I notice there are quite a few old ladies that want to learn and dance. They are like 10% of the scene out here. I feel so bad for them because they say they never get asked out for a dance out on the dance floor. Sometimes I take one for the team ask them out but then they get attached and want to dance with me all the time while I'm out there to dance with girls from my own age or younger.

I mean women are generally never altruistic. They don't date below their status so to say. They never take one for the team and make a nerd/incel happy because they don't feel like it. So do you think these older women are right when complaining about guys not asking them out for a dance? I tell them to dance with their own age group but they are not of them.

I have thought about this subject for two days and this is what I found out. It is just survival games. Women are ruthless when its comes to that so why shouldn't we men be the same? Some women try to guilt trip us with mind games but we shouldn't fall for that. 

Well it is nice that you offer to dance; nobody is deserving of less respect and compassion regardless of age, looks, gender, ethnicity etc. Now whether you decide to pursue a relationship or not is up to you

[puporing]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I think it means just to be true to one's feelings and emotions without the intention to hurt others as much as possible which will not always be the case.

Yeah of course be aware of potential damage/hurt and having empathy and act accordingly.. but it shouldn't be the entire basis of our actions.

[Tangerinedream]

I mean, is it not supposed to be a fun thing where everyone takes turns dancing and switching partners?  Like a class or is it a dating thing for meeting partners? Maybe you are thinking of it too much in the way that whoever you dance with it means you like them and are afraid they get the wrong idea and then you get trapped by them or something.  
Try and just have a good time and maybe you can learn something from older women  

Edited March 2, 2022 by Tangerinedream

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Tangerinedream said:

I mean, is it not supposed to be a fun thing where everyone takes turns dancing and switching partners?  Like a class or is it a dating thing for meeting partners? Maybe you are thinking of it too much in the way that whoever you dance with it means you like them and are afraid they get the wrong idea and then you get trapped by them or something.  
Try and just have a good time and maybe you can learn something from older women  

I'm intermediate so there is nothing I can learn from old women who are beginner. It is not fun so I'm not getting something out of it otherwise I would understand your point. You are right that there is something to learn and what I learned from this last interaction is that I have to stay true to my feelings and not be guilt trapped by women.

 

4 hours ago, puporing said:

Yeah of course be aware of potential damage/hurt and having empathy and act accordingly.. but it shouldn't be the entire basis of our actions.

Appreciated the last few insights

[StarStruck]

18 hours ago, Medhansh said:

Absolutely