Taking a 500 day break from dating women.

[Spence94]

I made a concious decision to not date women for a year or two. Which has left me pondering:

What is at the root of neediness?

What needs am I trying to fulfill through women and sex?

Do I really 'need' sex like is conditioned to believe? 

How can be  I Self fulfilled and meet my needs without sex and women?

When I meditate, I feel one with life and feel it can meet my need for love and connection if I open myself up more to the divine within. 

I heard someone else here say that most men are trying to meet their needs for significance and love through women much more than some biological drive for sex that 'needs' to be met. 

The more I do inner engineering work on my neurosis, limiting beliefs and traumas, I find I gradually become less needy and more self fulfilled. 

I heard someone else say the root of neediness is toxic shame and feeling unworthy and unworthy of love.

Also want to figure out how to use yoga and meditation to transmute sexual energy but can prove pretty difficult, but I sense that part of the problem is that these psychological limiting beliefs around the need for sex and women and the neediness and craving root first needs to be addressed. Otherwise It turns into neediness  yearning and craving for sex. I think I'll start with just cutting down on the jerking off and build my way up to more semen retention skill from there as I become more Self fulfilled and One with God. 

 

Edited February 28, 2022 by Spence94

[MarkusR]

 Good luck man. I don't think its a good idea to suppress natural desires though.

[Preety_India]

Looks like a great move, 100%.

 

[Spence94]

@MarkusR Is it suppressing natural desires? To me it feels like trying to learn how to be a Self fulfilled psychologically stable individual with the different parts of his life together so he can engage with women from a much more healthier place at the right time. 

It seemed I was using women and sex to fill the void and my growth and life was staying stagnant and not going anywhere. 

[Michal__]

3 minutes ago, Spence94 said:

@MarkusR Is it suppressing natural desires? To me it feels like trying to learn how to be a Self fulfilled psychologically stable individual with the different parts of his life together so he can engage with women from a much more healthier place at the right time. 

It seemed I was using women and sex to fill the void and my growth and life was staying stagnant and not going anywhere. 

You´ll end up using something else to fill the void. It might even seem healthier but it won´t be anything more than a band-aid.

[Spence94]

@Michal__ Hmmm. What is the void? 

[Michal__]

12 minutes ago, Spence94 said:

@Michal__ Hmmm. What is the void? 

The depression feeling everyone has but is trying to avoid it.

If you stop avoiding it, you´ll get spiritual experiences.

You want God but you do everything in your power to run away from it.

[Spence94]

@Michal__ I do want God. When I say Self fulfilled, I mean God fulfilled. 

The major reason to stop chasing women for a while was to deepen my connection to God and to get on track with my lifes purpose. Women are a lot of time and energy.

I have never felt so connected to God as I have this last 6 months. 

Edited February 28, 2022 by Spence94

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, Spence94 said:

@Michal__ I do want God. When I say Self fulfilled, I mean God fulfilled. 

The major reason to stop chasing women for a while was to deepen my connection to God and to get on track with my lifes purpose. Women are a lot of time and energy.

I have never felt so connected to God as I have this last 6 months. 

You're right about this. I agree with you. 

 

[Cathal]

they are not conditioned psychological problems you have

you have biological evolutionary needs that if you neglect will seriously hinder your ability to go further with spirituality, the more you neglect the needier you become, you can't really escape it - the question is finding people who you can enjoy each others company without attaching yourself to each other in unhealthy ways, those women are god too

you resisting or wanting to escape it is actually the conditioning you're dealing with, you trying to change what is to what you want - now there is suffering

[Spence94]

 

@catcat69123 Thanks for the input.

Maybe I shouldn't put a time frame on it but aspire to know God, Actualize the Self and get on track with my lifes purpose and to find more developed women who lift me up so to speak. 

I feel the more I know God, Actualize the Self and live my purpose, I'll attract healthier women and God relationships anyways. It's all one. You attract what you are.

Edited February 28, 2022 by Spence94

[SamC]

2 hours ago, Spence94 said:

I made a concious decision to not date women for a year or two. Which has left me pondering:

What is at the root of neediness?

What needs am I trying to fulfill through women and sex?

Do I really 'need' sex like is conditioned to believe? 

How can be  I Self fulfilled and meet my needs without sex and women?

When I meditate, I feel one with life and feel it can meet my need for love and connection if I open myself up more to the divine within. 

I heard someone else here say that most men are trying to meet their needs for significance and love through women much more than some biological drive for sex that 'needs' to be met. 

The more I do inner engineering work on my neurosis, limiting beliefs and traumas, I find I gradually become less needy and more self fulfilled. 

I heard someone else say the root of neediness is toxic shame and feeling unworthy and unworthy of love.

Also want to figure out how to use yoga and meditation to transmute sexual energy but can prove pretty difficult, but I sense that part of the problem is that these psychological limiting beliefs around the need for sex and women and the neediness and craving root first needs to be addressed. Otherwise It turns into neediness  yearning and craving for sex. I think I'll start with just cutting down on the jerking off and build my way up to more semen retention skill from there as I become more Self fulfilled and One with God. 

 

Have you been succesfully daiting woman?

[Spence94]

@SamC Depends what 'successful' means. I've had a couple of long term relationships, I've gone on a lot dates with a lot of  different women, (especially in the past 2 and half years,) had about dozen or so sexual partners/ short term casual  sexual relationships. In that sense, yes.

In another sense, am I able to consistently date and have relationships with the kinds of women I truly desire? Nah, not really. 

[soos_mite_ah]

There's nothing wrong with taking a break from dating in order to get some clarity regarding what you need and where you stand. It can be a great time to reconnect with yourself and figure shit out. If anything, I think it's essential. 

Just don't go full hermit mode and make sure to nurture the other relationships in your life. That can help with the whole "don't supress yourself" thing.  If anything, pouring your energy in building those relationships by opening up and being vulnerable will help you with any neediness issues you may have because you won't be relying on the people you're dating on to meet all of your emotional needs. 

Especially when it comes to guys, the whole needing to be a stoic, lone wolf thing actually does a lot more harm than good. If you don't have friends you can go to with things and really open up with them, often times what happens is that they end up getting really clingy and start trauma dumping on whomever they are dating. It can be with any gender but this can especially be true with guys who are taught to supress their emotions from a young age. And this isn't healthy for the woman in this dynamic either because she would have to do the bulk of the emotional labor and that can cause strain over time. 

[Spence94]

Thank you. Gratitude.

'trauma dumping' haha. 

It's been about 4 months since I decided to focus solely on myself. I've never had as much groundedness and clarity over where I am and where I am going than I do now. I definitely needed to just  re-connect and figure my Self out for a while. 

But yeah, don't suppress, find healthy ways to meet needs, keep healing, don't reject relationships, and nurture healthy ones.

Edited March 1, 2022 by Spence94

[puporing]

Makes sense to me. Lately, I am finding that too the connection with being-ness makes me very grounded. From this place, I can love anybody, and I feel love deeply, without having to form some kind of 'physical relationship' at times but if it happens I also embrace it, else I just enjoy whatever interaction I get. So it's kind of like a detached and whole-some place. I'm not 100% there all the time (maybe it's easier for some people without an overactive bio drive lol), but definitely can relate to what you're saying.

Edited March 1, 2022 by puporing

[Kksd74628]

@Spence94

Thing is that you get things when you don't actually need them and that time they are even incredible more enjoyable. If you need another one when in relationship you will lose her/him, because of your neediness. They will start to find new partners, because you are constantly jealous and they lose interest in you. After that you will be thinking that yeah I was right about that (s)he will cheat on me. They cheated on you, because you thought that they will cheat on you and that is called manifestation, bro : )

So actually what you are doing right NOW is right thing to do, because you need first to notice all your needs and self biases and then work these things and when you actually don't need the partner, that is the point you will have the best partner that you could have ever imagined. Try to find happiness within you and not outside of you, because when your happiness comes from the outside you will "need" these things and that causes you suffering when they are not here.

-joNi-

[MarkusR]

@catcat69123 This

On 28/02/2022 at 1:26 PM, catcat69123 said:

they are not conditioned psychological problems you have

you have biological evolutionary needs that if you neglect will seriously hinder your ability to go further with spirituality, the more you neglect the needier you become, you can't really escape it - the question is finding people who you can enjoy each others company without attaching yourself to each other in unhealthy ways, those women are god too

you resisting or wanting to escape it is actually the conditioning you're dealing with, you trying to change what is to what you want - now there is suffering