Why I want to awaken

[Jannes]

I had an awesome magic truffles trip a few days ago. I didn’t have any awakening but it was really fun. I felt as light as a Disney character and I also became aware of many of my egoistic ways I behaved in and I also sorted many of my priorities in life. Next days evening I felt incredible. I was completely sober but I was in such a state of peace and acceptance it was just incredible. Unfortunately I didn’t have any psychedelics stored left because I could have taken a mega dose of something without much of a chance of a bad trip. Two days later I still felt good but not as good. And now the third day later in the morning I feel pretty good. Not as good but still pretty good and because I feel that my ego tries to bring me back to my default state I want to write down how I feel about awakening right now so I can maybe get back to this state more easily. And I also just feel like sharing this. Most of my reasons why I want to awaken are probably trivial for you. There are even trivial for me but this is the first time I actually came up with these points on my own and I really believe them and don’t just accept them from someone else.

I feel like one of the greatest joys in life is doing something for its own sake and for absolutely no reason at all. For example I love working out in the gym. My ego destroys the joy of the workout though. When I bench press it wants to compare the weight I lifted today with my best lift I had on that exercise. It wants to compare me with other people. And it always wants a plan. Just going to the gym and "hitting it“ doesn’t seem purposeful and planned enough. “I can’t just go to the gym and do 3 exercises that’s to little, or I can’t do 12 exercises that’s to much. And you should now why you are training and what you are training for.“ At the end of a recent workout I was just peacefully training abductor when my ego stepped in "Hey you know that your quads look like shit why don’t you put more emphasis on them“ and “Hey why do you train at all? Of course you should but also what is the point in it anyways this won’t make your life any more successful…“
-> I just don’t want my ego shit anymore. I just want to train with absolutely no goal and be happy. Of course this gym example is analogous to all other aspects of life.

I sometimes play video games and what always ruins it for me is my ego. When I start to play a game again that I haven’t played for a long time I have pretty much no expectations on myself so everything feels great. But after a day or two I see that my skill comes back and I expect more of myself and all the fun is gone. Every time I die I get a bit angry or annoyed when before I just laughed. Yesterday I played 1v1 deathmatch to 20. I went up against a really good player and I lost with a score of 13 to 20 or something. I didn’t even win but just the fact that I was somewhat compedetive gave my ego a new identity. I was conscious of that and wanted to intervene but I couldn’t stop it. I almost wished that I lost against that player with a bigger score difference so I could have more fun after that but doing good is also what I strive for and is the fun of the game but once I archieve it it isn’t fun anymore because I feel like I am forced to maintain it so it’s really hard to have fun.
-> I just want the pure experience and not an ego that fucks it up all the time

For a short time I was in a state of love where I really just wanted to love everybody for exactly what they are and not what I wanted them to be. I thought about my mom with all her self-pity and I just wanted to love her tell her jokes and vibe with her without any motivation of changing her because that’s just where she is at the moment and that’s okay. I saw a group of teenage girls who seemed to be completely soaked into their group identity. And I just wanted to love these materialistic unconscious teenage girls exactly for what they are without any motivation to change them in any way because a saw how being undeveloped is exactly as beautiful as being very developed. And I saw my friends who are all very obviously not ready to awaken and I just wanted to love them for exactly where they are without any motivation to change them into more conscious people. I had all of this spiritual and philosophical ideas that I always felt like I needed to implant in them but it’s just so much more joyful to not try to change them in any way. I also just felt how good it must feel to just help others with no intention of a return. To just love other people so much that you are just motivated to waste your entire evening on helping them with something and feeling completely full of joy just from seeing them be happy. I saw that I feel very limited in doing that because of my ego. Because my ego has its own worries and own things that it wants to archieve and it prioritizes these things way beyond the well being of others. And it also judges and wants to change people in its own interest and of course in this way you don’t really help people you help people the most by just loving them.
-> I just want to drop my ego so that I can love people for exactly who they are 

I also just see the pain of having to have an identity. Constantly trying to defend this identity. Constructing and deconstructing it but most of all just having it just feels like a sickness. 
"I just want to have a family or don’t have a family.“ „I just want to play video games or don’t play video games“, “I just want to have a simple job or don’t have a simple job“. "I just want to have a nice apartment or don’t want to have a nice apartment.“
-> I don’t want to care anymore. I just want to be fine with everything. 

The only really strong attachment I have left is sexual pleasure. It makes up around 10-15% of my thoughts so it’s not like it dominates my life and I could drop it if need be but I wouldn’t like to.

I have a question left. There are many layers of awakening like ego transcendence, god realization, realization that you are god, infinite love, infinity, … So I am always confused to what people mean when they say awakening. I feel like ego transcendence is equal to awakening for many spiritual teacher but I think for Leo a fully awakened person also has to realize himself as god and so I am always a bit confused when somebody says that awakening takes x amount of time because I don’t know which layer of awakening they are talking about. Sometimes Leo says that having an awakening is relatively easy but what is really hard is to embody and accept these truths which I feel like is the easy part for me. On others occasions he is like “you probably need at least like 20 years of active self inquiry to have a shot at becoming awake. So I would stick to psychedelics“. So what does he mean or does he refer to different states of awakening?

[VeganAwake]

Awakening reveals that the very individual that believes it wants to awaken is an illusion.

In fact "I" doesn't actually want to awaken because awakening is the end of "I" or the revelation that it was never real from the start.

"I" wants to be there to reap the so-called benefits of awakening.... it wants its cake and to eat it to.

And when "I" recognizes it's illusory existence is under threat, it can cause all sorts of drama often referred to as ego backlash or dark night of the soul.

It literally fights awakening all the way through....and the most ridiculous part is: IT'S NOT EVEN REAL!!

Like an illusory identification crisis which is trying to survive..... the whole apparent situation is just ridiculous.

Point being the sense of "I" simply cannot fathom what Awakening is like because it's stuck within the dream experience of separation. 

Awakening can actually be a terrifying realization or shock to the sense of "I".

It's complete freedom for nobody.

No one actually becomes awake.

And surprisingly it's exactly that freedom that's being sought after.

❤ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Breakingthewall]

@Jannes beautiful post, very well expressed. I think that what you experienced is the liberation of the ego, when you realize that you are perceiving reality through a lens that values, compares, judges. removing that lens is removing a sack of lead from your back. you are liberated, everything is perfect, and love flows in you. the problem is that the lens returns and the bag too, perhaps a little lighter but this, since the logic of the ego is irrefutable: here you are, there is everything else, therefore... you have to be at the height, furthermore, you are a temporary process, a resume that must be completed...this vision inevitably leads to a return to the ego. then, the only solution is to really see that there is no you and others. you are the others, but not in a thoughtful way, with empathy towards others. no, it's that literally, them and everything else, you're not you, you're the whole dream that seems to be unfolding, and you see it in real time all the time. and you can still go further, although that for me are just glimpses in psychedelics: you are the unlimited void in which everything exists, pure joy without limit. And according to Leo, you can go even deeper and understand how you are creating this dream and why

Edited February 27, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Jannes]

20 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

@Jannes beautiful post, very well expressed. I think that what you experienced is the liberation of the ego, when you realize that you are perceiving reality through a lens that values, compares, judges. removing that lens is removing a sack of lead from your back. you are liberated, everything is perfect, and love flows in you. the problem is that the lens returns and the bag too, perhaps a little lighter but this, since the logic of the ego is irrefutable: here you are, there is everything else, therefore... you have to be at the height, furthermore, you are a temporary process, a resume that must be completed...this vision inevitably leads to a return to the ego. then, the only solution is to really see that there is no you and others. you are the others, but not in a thoughtful way, with empathy towards others. no, it's that literally, them and everything else, you're not you, you're the whole dream that seems to be unfolding, and you see it in real time all the time. and you can still go further, although that for me are just glimpses in psychedelics: you are the unlimited void in which everything exists, pure joy without limit. And according to Leo, you can go even deeper and understand how you are creating this dream and why

Hej thanks,

I probably just got close to liberation of the ego because there was definitely still an I that then identified as being a super peaceful Jesus like person reacting to others. You explained that the way the ego wants to come back well I think. There is this urgent feeling that the Identity and the filter have to come back. It feels threatening to the ego to not have a goal and to not judge certain things. The ego just wants to get back to work and goes protesting when it is denied that work. It really feels like the ego says „My work is unfinished, when I don’t get back to work there will be disasters consequences.“ And it does everything to stress you out so you buy into it again. It’s so ridiculous. 

[Jannes]

22 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Awakening reveals that the very individual that believes it wants to awaken is an illusion.

In fact "I" doesn't actually want to awaken because awakening is the end of "I" or the revelation that it was never real from the start.

"I" wants to be there to reap the so-called benefits of awakening.... it wants its cake and to eat it to.

And when "I" recognizes it's illusory existence is under threat, it can cause all sorts of drama often referred to as ego backlash or dark night of the soul.

It literally fights awakening all the way through....and the most ridiculous part is: IT'S NOT EVEN REAL!!

Like an illusory identification crisis which is trying to survive..... the whole apparent situation is just ridiculous.

Point being the sense of "I" simply cannot fathom what Awakening is like because it's stuck within the dream experience of separation. 

Awakening can actually be a terrifying realization or shock to the sense of "I".

It's complete freedom for nobody.

No one actually becomes awake.

And surprisingly it's exactly that freedom that's being sought after.

❤ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah I get that but you still want your "I“ to be motivated to become awake although that is exactly what is killing it. When you are in the matrix and you want to get out you still have to play the rules of the matrix otherwise you can’t do anything. 
But yeah in self inquiry for example the thing that you explained becomes apparent. When I ask „Who am I“ I already imply that there is an I that is asking the question. So how do you ask the question without implying that “you“ are asking the question. Of course “you“ don’t ask the question but if you knew that then you would already be awake and you wouldn’t need to do self inquiry. If you still have your relative identity then there is simply no way of asking the question without implying that a somebody that you identify yourself with is asking the question. But I think paradoxically when you realize that you can’t identify yourself with the wrong me you can actually start to look because you aren’t distracted with these mind games anymore. At least that’s how it went for me. I don’t try to go infinitely more meta by always asking „… who is that?, is that?, is that?, is that?, … , who asked the question who am I?, who am I?“  So you just can’t escape the matrix. And then you just watch more.

[Inliytened1]

On 2/27/2022 at 4:41 AM, Jannes said:

I  awakening takes x amount of time because I don’t know which layer of aw others occasions he is like “you probably need at least like 20 years of active self inquiry to have a shot at becoming awake. So I would stick to psychedelics“. So what does he mean or does he refer to different states of awakening?

That's not necessarily true.  When I discovered Leo's work I began doing self inquiry the way he explained it in his first enlightenment videos and it worked.  I had had an awakening to no self and God within 2 weeks.  It was amazing.  I can give you pointers on what worked for me in terms of self inquiry just PM me.  But yeah it doesn't have to take 20 years.  There probably is some genetics involved here and I do have OCD..so maybe I am wired a bit differently.  But if you are not making progress with self inquiry after a few months then yes before it drags onto years you may want to look into psychedelics.  I've no doubt that they can open your mind or change your state or consciousness in an instant and save you decades.   But the traditional methods can also work depending on genetics.

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, Jannes said:

It really feels like the ego says „My work is unfinished, when I don’t get back to work there will be disasters consequences.“ And it does everything to stress you out so you buy into it again. It’s so ridiculous. 

@Jannes It's not ridiculous at all. the ego exists for something. you have to understand its root, its mechanics, in a profound way, beyond the conceptual. if not the ego will always have power. for the ego to lose its poison, you have to perceive yourself as not separate.

you have already tasted the freedom to deactivate the ego, this can give you the motivation to go deep within yourself, and clarify the enigma of the ego

[Leo Gura]

On 2/27/2022 at 2:41 AM, Jannes said:

I have a question left. There are many layers of awakening like ego transcendence, god realization, realization that you are god, infinite love, infinity, … So I am always confused to what people mean when they say awakening. I feel like ego transcendence is equal to awakening for many spiritual teacher but I think for Leo a fully awakened person also has to realize himself as god and so I am always a bit confused when somebody says that awakening takes x amount of time because I don’t know which layer of awakening they are talking about. Sometimes Leo says that having an awakening is relatively easy but what is really hard is to embody and accept these truths which I feel like is the easy part for me. On others occasions he is like “you probably need at least like 20 years of active self inquiry to have a shot at becoming awake. So I would stick to psychedelics“. So what does he mean or does he refer to different states of awakening?

There are various degrees of it as a peak experience and also various degrees of embodying it in daily life.

So it's complicated. Somes I use the term more broadly to mean any degree of awakening, and sometimes I use it for the highest degrees of awakening.

Sorry, it is confusing because I had to go through many levels of it in my own journey. I had to figure it out while I was teaching it, which makes for a messy teaching.

I will simplify and clarify my teachings in the future, so it's less hairy.

[OBEler]

@Leo Gura  You can explain and teach on some topics extreme good, on other topics (solipsism) it is really difficult to understand you (see 1000 of solipsism threads) because the Word "you" you use in too many ways. You=everything, Leo, me, God. Always speak from which perspective you talk. Relativ? Absolut? Dream, reality, imagination..oneness.. Consciousness, mind

Rupert spira makes good distinction but even He is not always understandable. 

Difficult

Maybe showing with a paper, to Illustrate this stuff. 

Edited February 28, 2022 by OBEler

[wesyasz]

Your reasons are not trivial at all, the whole point of it, for me too, is to simply remain in love. And no amount of spiritual achievement is about to bring it, because then it becomes another chase, not different from any other forms of ego aims. It's the other way round, actually.

Edited February 28, 2022 by wesyasz

[VeganAwake]

9 hours ago, Jannes said:

Yeah I get that but you still want your "I“ to be motivated to become awake although that is exactly what is killing it. When you are in the matrix and you want to get out you still have to play the rules of the matrix otherwise you can’t do anything. 
But yeah in self inquiry for example the thing that you explained becomes apparent. When I ask „Who am I“ I already imply that there is an I that is asking the question. So how do you ask the question without implying that “you“ are asking the question. Of course “you“ don’t ask the question but if you knew that then you would already be awake and you wouldn’t need to do self inquiry. If you still have your relative identity then there is simply no way of asking the question without implying that a somebody that you identify yourself with is asking the question. But I think paradoxically when you realize that you can’t identify yourself with the wrong me you can actually start to look because you aren’t distracted with these mind games anymore. At least that’s how it went for me. I don’t try to go infinitely more meta by always asking „… who is that?, is that?, is that?, is that?, … , who asked the question who am I?, who am I?“  So you just can’t escape the matrix. And then you just watch more.

I get what you're saying.

Here at some point it started becoming obvious that there just wasn't a real self centered entity called me inside the body. The energy that went into upholding this illusory self construct began to diminish.

The Matrix or Dream story is reality perceived or filtered through the conditioned lenses of an illusory separate individual. 

It's not real at all but it sure seems to be.

❤ 

 

 

 

 

[Jannes]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

There are various degrees of it as a peak experience and also various degrees of embodying it in daily life.

So it's complicated. Somes I use the term more broadly to mean any degree of awakening, and sometimes I use it for the highest degrees of awakening.

Sorry, it is confusing because I had to go through many levels of it in my own journey. I had to figure it out while I was teaching it, which makes for a messy teaching.

I will simplify and clarify my teachings in the future, so it's less hairy.

Okay thats great to hear! 
Getting a better idea on what it takes for low degree awakenings to high degree awakenings would be great. And also how a peak experience affects you permanently. For example many people report that they shortly transcended their ego but after a few hours or a day it came back. But for people who transcended it for more then a day or so they permanently transcended it. Is it the same for infinite love, god, … ? And if it isn’t locked in permanently how does it still affect you in your daily life? It would be really helpful if you could explain this in a video. 

[Leo Gura]

44 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Okay thats great to hear! 
Getting a better idea on what it takes for low degree awakenings to high degree awakenings would be great. And also how a peak experience affects you permanently. For example many people report that they shortly transcended their ego but after a few hours or a day it came back. But for people who transcended it for more then a day or so they permanently transcended it. Is it the same for infinite love, god, … ? And if it isn’t locked in permanently how does it still affect you in your daily life? It would be really helpful if you could explain this in a video. 

Those are all tricky questions which I don't have clear answers to.

[Thought Art]

@Leo Gura For me peak experiences shaped the way I go about life. Made meditation, Qigong, reading, journaling and my work week an ever growing art. I feel like I have a reference experience of the highest beauty. So, I work to embody that soberly in my life. Which, includes a lot of the lower level success stuff, mindfulness, good Qi, etc

When you love, forgive and integrate all aspects of yourself YOURSELF you simply wanna to love reality and be it’s friend. 

Seems no matter how high the awakening is you come back to mundane reality and responsibility. 
 

So, this has lead me to Toasit inner alchemy and Qigong for grand Qi circulation. And living a life helping others experience peace through my work and coaching. 

To live a balanced and joyful life. ?

Edited March 1, 2022 by Thought Art

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Seems no matter how high the awakening is you come back to mundane reality and responsibility.

Yup

[Greatnestwithin]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yup

@Leo GuraBut why? Couldn't we choose not to come back or there is a natural cycle to be completed outside of our control?

[Thought Art]

@Greatnestwithin You’ve got infinity for all that. For now you’ve committed to a human experience. 
 

This is the dream.

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, Greatnestwithin said:

@Leo GuraBut why? Couldn't we choose not to come back or there is a natural cycle to be completed outside of our control?

It is hard of survive at the highest levels of consciousness. Which is why humans have low consciousness. It's necessary for long-term survival.

There is a trade-off between consciousness and survival which people don't appreciate.

[Zeroguy]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It is hard of survive at the highest levels of consciousness. Which is why humans have low consciousness. It's necessary for long-term survival.

Chop wood,Carry the water.

[Thought Art]

Just now, Zeroguy said:

Chop wood,Carry the water.

In a beautiful way 

Edited March 1, 2022 by Thought Art