General feeling of dissatisfaction in life

[GGG]

I need some advice.

I've been feeling really stuck and unhappy lately. I hate almost everything about my life. I feel a strong urge to do something but I have no idea what exactly. I tried to do various things to make change happen but nothing is working - short period of therapy, new job, going out trying to meet women. I hate people, I resent women, I have no interest in anything anymore. I feel like I am unable to express myself. I do plan to move somewhere soon to get away from some of the toxicity around me, but this is unlikely to solve the root issues. I just feel this urge that I cannot explain. What am I supposed to do? What do I want? How do I get what I want? I don't know which direction to go. Should I go through the L.P. course again?

I thought some more money would solve the problem and it kinda did - I have slightly less financial stress right now, but it seems it will always be there. I thought therapy would help me deal with family issues and it slightly did, but I am still having major problems. I have no idea who to turn to, who to trust. The couple of therapists I tried to go to for help seemed to be mostly useless and I feel that therapy is not going to be the solution, based on the two different ones that I saw. I just can't get over this feeling. It is a feeling of hate/anger/deep dissatisfaction in my life, like I am stuck or unable to let something out.

People around me piss me off. I look at them and I just want everyone to stay the f*ck away from me. I want everyone to leave me alone (except maybe some slutty women who are offering easy sex). I feel that, in the past several years, the various people that I've let into my life are all garbage - I guess you attract what you are...

Is this depression? if so, I think depression is bullsh*t. I think I just lack quality connections in my life. I have no friends. Most people around me seem shallow to me and I fail to see any potential in attempting to have a relationship with the swine that is humanity. I think I am lonely though... I am so lonely sometimes. I feel heartbroken. I feel like no one cares about me. No one wants to hug me and be with me. Sometimes I start to think that I am ugly and that this is the whole problem. Sometimes I really hate myself and hate my life. I never feel complete/whole, there is always something wrong with me and my situation, no matter what I do.

I have so many problems that I need to attend to that it is overwhelming. I am working too much. I don't take care of myself anymore. I think that loneliness is not the issue, but other times I think that it is. I'm struggling with focus, sleep, consistency in anything. I feel like a piece of sh*t. I can't explain it. I feel like I am surrounded by negativity everywhere I look, like the world is against me and wants me to fail. I feel like people feel this current vulnerability in me and, instead of helping, they want to further facilitate my demise and kick me while I am down, figuratively speaking. And on the rare occasions when someone tries to help me or offer some "love" I just push away and do not want it, or can't accept it.

What is happening? What do I do?

[puporing]

I get you... therapy is indeed very frustrating, I had almost lost hope too took me 6 tries to find a good one. Seems like a lot of them just don't understand deep depression - which is a healthy reaction to what's happened/happening in your life.

Yeah of course not having (zero) quality connection will make you suffer and get like that. 

I can relate to much of what you're saying and I have come out the other side so you can too. There are many such kindred souls you seek on this forum for example. But yes society at large tends to be in the 'dark ages' still... but once you can find your own healing you'll be able to see this in a more forgiving light - like you're almost like a parent or something, a healthy parent - that's a possibilty for you. Right now just focus on you, be a little selfish if that feels good. Just do what feels good for awhile - and that could counterintuitively mean just be authentically sad if that's where you are, even if others don't get it.

See this is actually an opportunity because you're one of the ones who's tired of the bullshit and want to create a different reality. This is a catalyst to you creating the kind of world you want to see. 

Maybe you can't accept someone's love because it feels manipulating or conditional, like they'll try to use that against you sometime down the road.. perhaps you've experienced this before..

Edited February 27, 2022 by puporing

[Loba]

29 minutes ago, GGG said:

I need some advice.

I've been feeling really stuck and unhappy lately. I hate almost everything about my life. I feel a strong urge to do something but I have no idea what exactly. I tried to do various things to make change happen but nothing is working - short period of therapy, new job, going out trying to meet women. I hate people, I resent women, I have no interest in anything anymore. I feel like I am unable to express myself. I do plan to move somewhere soon to get away from some of the toxicity around me, but this is unlikely to solve the root issues. I just feel this urge that I cannot explain. What am I supposed to do? What do I want? How do I get what I want? I don't know which direction to go. Should I go through the L.P. course again?

I thought some more money would solve the problem and it kinda did - I have slightly less financial stress right now, but it seems it will always be there. I thought therapy would help me deal with family issues and it slightly did, but I am still having major problems. I have no idea who to turn to, who to trust. The couple of therapists I tried to go to for help seemed to be mostly useless and I feel that therapy is not going to be the solution, based on the two different ones that I saw. I just can't get over this feeling. It is a feeling of hate/anger/deep dissatisfaction in my life, like I am stuck or unable to let something out.

People around me piss me off. I look at them and I just want everyone to stay the f*ck away from me. I want everyone to leave me alone (except maybe some slutty women who are offering easy sex). I feel that, in the past several years, the various people that I've let into my life are all garbage - I guess you attract what you are...

Is this depression? if so, I think depression is bullsh*t. I think I just lack quality connections in my life. I have no friends. Most people around me seem shallow to me and I fail to see any potential in attempting to have a relationship with the swine that is humanity. I think I am lonely though... I am so lonely sometimes. I feel heartbroken. I feel like no one cares about me. No one wants to hug me and be with me. Sometimes I start to think that I am ugly and that this is the whole problem. Sometimes I really hate myself and hate my life. I never feel complete/whole, there is always something wrong with me and my situation, no matter what I do.

I have so many problems that I need to attend to that it is overwhelming. I am working too much. I don't take care of myself anymore. I think that loneliness is not the issue, but other times I think that it is. I'm struggling with focus, sleep, consistency in anything. I feel like a piece of sh*t. I can't explain it. I feel like I am surrounded by negativity everywhere I look, like the world is against me and wants me to fail. I feel like people feel this current vulnerability in me and, instead of helping, they want to further facilitate my demise and kick me while I am down, figuratively speaking. And on the rare occasions when someone tries to help me or offer some "love" I just push away and do not want it, or can't accept it.

What is happening? What do I do?

First tell me what you get from this song - listen from the heart.  It is about deep depression.
It can help me tell where you are at, by giving you something that touched my heart and soul.

I am satisfied in life.

 

Edited February 27, 2022 by Loba

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, GGG said:

What am I supposed to do? What do I want? How do I get what I want? I don't know which direction to go. Should I go through the L.P. course again?

 

Sounds like you didn’t take the course (or didn’t complete it). Otherwise, you’d have these questions answered.

Problem is trying to find these answers from sources outside of your heart. Focus on deriving these answers for yourself..no one can provide you a worthwhile life purpose.

[Reciprocality]

When it comes to life there are no fair competitions.

You understand the situation you are in disjunctively, as in comparatively to other situations other people are in, this, so far as you are sufficiently conscious is a mistake which hinders your growth.

Despite common belief it does not change the above whether you ruined your life on purpose or not.

 

So ask yourself what the ideal you consider is when you compare yourself to it, and if it is your true dreams or not which comprises it.

So far as your general health and security is in check it is your conscience which makes you unhealthy, for it compares you to your dreams and not your explicit ideals.

 

So instead of judging yourself for years on end try instead to make your dreams explicit, such that they can be properly compared with the ideals which are not truly yours.

 

Recognize that I speak not of people in general, but of how i perceive you. And so try to do the same.

[John Paul]

@GGG Exercise and diet/hydration/detox

create more free time, quit therapy, take psychedelics, choose a new city, get away from your old life and start fresh, take more psychedelics