I am in a terrible condition. Kundalini

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Much time has passed since my Kundalini activity, around 1 year now.

I am loosing hope, but still trying to cope with this process. it’s so challenging. 
I am writing just to express my self and sharing. 
The most difficult thing is the spontaneous energy movement that the body goes in the moment I start just relaxing, whirling and spinning very fast like a Sufi dervish in a clockwise direction. It’s a healing movement, but I can’t cope with the speed and violence, I allow even the body to fall on the floor like a dead leaf, but the thing is not over and have to start again. 
If I decide to do other activities it feels so miserable, like swimming against a river because I have always to control and tense the body in order to not whirl.
Need always to walk some kilometres to reach a grass field where to allow the body to do its thing, can’t do it in my room 

My anxiety is very strong because I think I will not come out of this situation. 
I just wish to enjoy my life again, playing music or just have a job.

sometimes I get suicidal, not because I am depressed or whatever but because it’s so difficult situation and wasting my youth in this awakening process.

I fear it so much , sometimes I can’t get out of bed in the morning because I know the hole horror story will start again so I try to distract myself with sleep or with social media. Why all this ? 
I know i just need to push through this whirling with more trust and giving away every concern about the body, but damn god why all this struggle and pain  

 

[happyhappy]

@Giulio Bevilacqua what switched ur kundalini buttons on?

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

I think I had it since childhood.

But the main manifestation happened last year. I lost interest  in sexuality so I did not ejaculate for 5 months. Along with that I was consistently practicing tai chi Qi gong, and often I was smoking weed. One night before sleeping I fall into an empty space. The day after many symptoms appeared, like shaking and mudras and increased awareness, than this motion started to manifest. 
@happyhappy

Edited February 26, 2022 by Giulio Bevilacqua
Forgot adding

[Kksd74628]

@Giulio Bevilacqua

As you said yourself, you need need to surrender and remember that surrending is not bad thing. Many people have hidden assumption that surrending means lose, but actually that belief comes, because people only surrender when they have to. For example when you listen good music you could surrender to its beauty and that is completely positive thing, you see?

If you think for example that I am stealing something from you when I am close to you - when in reality I am not stealing - you will always suffer from thinking that you need to defend yourself. Same goes to kundalini awakening, you need to let the belief that something bad is happening go away and then you can enjoy the eupforia that it gives to you.

You have theories that what could happen when you let go, but do you actually know what would happen. Maybe the joke is that nothing would happen, who knows? How can I enjoy life anymore when I am constantly in extacy when I relax my body? What type of question is that  I would advice you just NOW go and let go fully, relax and take assumptions that something bad will happen away.

After that come HERE to tell me what happened. Remember that this which you suppress will grow. It's like man who wants to come inside and you don't open the door and he will just knock the door stronger, because after all his message is so loving that he wants to show you. Don't expect that he gets bored waiting, because that will never happen, before you take the message and he can leave, because his job is done.

-joNi-

Edited February 26, 2022 by Kksd74628

[Michal__]

https://eudoxos.github.io/cfitness/html/cfitness.html

Read the descriptions of "dukkha nanas" and tell me if your symptoms aligns with them. If they do I can help.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Michal__

[Leo Gura]

You should seek out an expert in Kundalini energy and get advice there.

[Raptorsin7]

@Giulio Bevilacqua I bet this guy can resolve your kundalini issues.

 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[axiom]

2 hours ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

Whirling and spinning very fast like a Sufi dervish in a clockwise direction.... I can’t cope with the speed and violence, I allow even the body to fall on the floor like a dead leaf, but the thing is not over and have to start again. 

...If I decide to do other activities it feels so miserable, like swimming against a river because I have always to control and tense the body in order to not whirl.

Sounds exactly like Labyrinthitis.

This might help: 

I HIGHLY recommend you consider medical possibilities for your symptoms before you label them a "Kundalini awakening". 

Edited February 26, 2022 by axiom

[Grateful Dead]

https://www.youtube.com/user/TaraSpringett/videos

This channel was helpful for my Kundalini journey

I also read her books I recommend this one for you: https://www.amazon.de/Healing-Kundalini-Symptoms-Proven-Techniques/dp/1689344970/ref=sr_1_7?crid=2M9YC09XP7B6F&keywords=tara+springett&qid=1645878736&s=books&sprefix=tara+sprin%2Cstripbooks%2C147&sr=1-7

These techniques will get you rid of your symptoms very quickly

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You should seek out an expert in Kundalini energy and get advice there.

This. Plus there’s a book on Leo’s book list you may wanna check out. 
 

I recommend you try a 5 elements Qigong practice to balance the nervous systems and organs. If you are energizing a dysfunctional system you can create these problems. You don’t wanna feed energy to disease for example. So balance those internal energies. 

Also, There are plenty of Kundalini experts out there. Don’t sit around suffering get help.

 

Yes, also seek western medical advice as well. Be wary of self diagnosis. 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

@Aleister Crowleyy hmmm I don’t think kundalini is Alister Crowleys kind of occult. Alister died a lonely homeless drunk. Personally consider him more of a prankster.

wasnt he a black magician known as the most evil man or something for years

Edited February 26, 2022 by Thought Art

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

5 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Giulio Bevilacqua

As you said yourself, you need need to surrender and remember that surrending is not bad thing. Many people have hidden assumption that surrending means lose, but actually that belief comes, because people only surrender when they have to. For example when you listen good music you could surrender to its beauty and that is completely positive thing, you see?

If you think for example that I am stealing something from you when I am close to you - when in reality I am not stealing - you will always suffer from thinking that you need to defend yourself. Same goes to kundalini awakening, you need to let the belief that something bad is happening go away and then you can enjoy the eupforia that it gives to you.

You have theories that what could happen when you let go, but do you actually know what would happen. Maybe the joke is that nothing would happen, who knows? How can I enjoy life anymore when I am constantly in extacy when I relax my body? What type of question is that  I would advice you just NOW go and let go fully, relax and take assumptions that something bad will happen away.

After that come HERE to tell me what happened. Remember that this which you suppress will grow. It's like man who wants to come inside and you don't open the door and he will just knock the door stronger, because after all his message is so loving that he wants to show you. Don't expect that he gets bored waiting, because that will never happen, before you take the message and he can leave, because his job is done.

-joNi-

I found this today 

[Inliytened1]

@Giulio Bevilacqua  this sounds like an anxiety disorder.  Talk to a psychiatrist and maybe get on some meds for anxiety.   When the anxiety goes away the kundalini energy you awakened will come under control and be blissful not a nightmare.   When you start feeling better you can get off the meds.  The meds don't have to be a life long thing but for the time being it can definitely help alleviate anxiety that is out of control so you can have a productive life.

[Yousif]

@Giulio Bevilacqua  I would suggest you let go to the experience and to stop thinking about it, just trust it and it will take care of itself.

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

7 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Giulio Bevilacqua  this sounds like an anxiety disorder.  Talk to a psychiatrist and maybe get on some meds for anxiety.   When the anxiety goes away the kundalini energy you awakened will come under control and be blissful not a nightmare.   When you start feeling better you can get off the meds.  The meds don't have to be a life long thing but for the time being it can definitely help alleviate anxiety that is out of control so you can have a productive life.

The anxiety came because I got so scared of this motion, and have never been able to surrender to it fully. I think it’s a quite and natural body expression, even children do it. 

[Girzo]

@Giulio Bevilacqua Have you exhausted the conventional medicine approach first and got thoroughly tested by your doctor?

If the doctors can't find anything wrong then go to a kundalini specialist.

[Yousif]

@Giulio Bevilacqua  I had a similar experience with kundalini I couldn’t sleep for many nights and I had to work with it, the anxiety was unbearable but I surrendered  to it anyway it went on for week or months I can’t exactly remember but I took it long enough until my ego completely collapsed and I entered non-duality and I realized I am god through it, it’s not easy surrounding to it since I felt like I’m in danger 24/7 for a while, but it was the only think I was able to do and I remember repeating to myself that all of this is absolute goodness and perfection for weeks and months until the magic ? happened and I became the god head and oneness, try to surrender and accept it as much as u can is my advice. 

[Inliytened1]

8 minutes ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

The anxiety came because I got so scared of this motion, and have never been able to surrender to it fully. I think it’s a quite and natural body expression, even children do it. 

Yes but if you don't have an anxiety disorder then you should be able to control the anxiety.  If you think the kundalini is the source of the anxiety then see a kundalini specialist in tandem. 

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

1 hour ago, Girzo said:

@Giulio Bevilacqua Have you exhausted the conventional medicine approach first and got thoroughly tested by your doctor?

If the doctors can't find anything wrong then go to a kundalini specialist.

Yes i went, to doctors. I did many tests and they could not find anything. Quite funny  

[Salvijus]

I would recommend to stop all practice you were doing, espesially kriyas and breathing practices if u did for a period of time and simply sit in silence. Kind of do nothing technique. That would calm some of the distorted energy manifestaions imo.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Salvijus