When you are dating, how many people do you try to date at once?

[soos_mite_ah]

Title says it all. I'm just curious. I know there is a lot of common advice talking about how you should date more than one person at once so that you can save time and so you don't get attached too soon. Same goes for having multiple fwbs. Personally, that doesn't work for me because I have an attention span of a goldfish and I can't focus on more than one person at a time lol. Do any of yall take that advice or.......? 

[PurpleTree]

11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Personally, that doesn't work for me because I have an attention span of a goldfish and I can't focus on more than one person at a time lol. 

you'd just confuse the names of the multiple partners and get everybody mad at you  " i am not bobby goddammit"

[Roy]

When I'm in dating mode I'm actively talking to anywhere between 1-5 women at a time. Once I make a connection with the one I think is the best match with me either emotionally or physically, I quickly but gracefully cut off contact with everyone else.

I never have sex with a girl and still date other people at the same time, once that line is crossed I cut everyone else out out of integrity. Since I would be pissed if I slept with a girl and she was still dating other guys. We have to both be 100% on the same page if it's just a hookup or not.

I find dating multiple people doesn't keep you that busy. I keep it low investment with each person for the beginning stages, usually only going on a date once a week, and talking every handful of days.

If I hit it off with someone though it usually becomes a daily thing for communicating.

 

[Federico del pueblo]

I think anything above three gets annoying (if we don't count these very sporadic hook ups with some girls that are like once in two months or so).

[Chew211]

1 - 3

Dating more definitely does not save time

Right now I'm only seeing one, because dating is not at all a priority. It's good to have female companionship once in a while, so I'm not going full monkmode. But I'm not going pickup mode either. 

[Gianna]

my dating phases always come in pairs it's super weird but I think 3 is a good number to balance that but I couldn't keep that up for more than a few weeks so I know what you mean. 

[At awe]

Always 1, unless she’s bi.

[soos_mite_ah]

21 hours ago, Roy said:

I find dating multiple people doesn't keep you that busy. I keep it low investment with each person for the beginning stages, usually only going on a date once a week, and talking every handful of days.

I mean once a week for like 5 people is a lot. That's like 5 dates in a week. Like how low investment are we talking? 

17 hours ago, Chew211 said:

Dating more definitely does not save time 

Then what's the poitn of dating multiple people at once? 

13 hours ago, At awe said:

Always 1, unless she’s bi.

What does her being bi have to do with anything? 

[At awe]

46 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

 

What does her being bi have to do with anything? 

If the person I am dating is bi, it’s possible to date the third person at the same time. So it’s three persons dating simultaneously. Hope it clears the confusion. 

[soos_mite_ah]

@At awe As in yall are a couple and yall are bringing in a third?

[somegirl]

Pretty much zero these days. Which freaking sucks.

I actually just once had a situation where I was talking to multiple people. But I wouldn't do it again because like you said, I want to focus on those that *really* interest me, instead of "kind of". 

I happened to forget that I went on a date with one guy too. That was kinda awkward. I rarely come across someone who sparks interest in me anyway, so I'm sure I won't have that problem... 

 

Edited February 27, 2022 by somegirl

[Javfly33]

Nowdays I slide ´in all the DMs I can, basically ? That should answer your question young lady.

[Roy]

6 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I mean once a week for like 5 people is a lot. That's like 5 dates in a week. Like how low investment are we talking? 

I don't mean trying to see them once a week each, that would be too much. It's whenever it's convenient, keep things casual. If I'm in dating mode it will be between 1-3 dates in a week. Which is like 2-8 hours a week total depending on what we do? Anymore time than that and I simply won't ask people out, or I'll cancel a meet ahead of time so I don't exhaust myself socially. I only have so much in the tank.

Those 1-5 people is changing constantly by the way, since most dates won't go to a second meet. It's tough out there 

I would keep your initial dates with people low investment by the way. As in don't spend a lot of money or make grand plans booking places. It won't feel like a waste and will sting less if things don't work out, which they usually don't if you are looking for a quality match and not just trying to force things with anyone.

My go to suggestions are either a walk/hike, or mini-golf. You're a woman though so you have to be a lot more keen about where you go hiking or walking, keep that in mind.

[soos_mite_ah]

7 minutes ago, Roy said:

Those 1-5 people is changing constantly by the way, since most dates won't go to a second meet. It's tough out there 

Do you just meet these people on apps? And say you're thinking of getting off apps, how would one go about talking to that many people while constantly changing things up? 

[Roy]

14 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Do you just meet these people on apps? And say you're thinking of getting off apps, how would one go about talking to that many people while constantly changing things up? 

I'm getting back into dating soon, but I'm not sure if I'll use apps anymore, if at all. They are just too stressful and too many people are on there to just play fucking games, or are low in emotional maturity. I've met people in their 30's that have the social intelligence of teenagers lol. Getting a quality relationship from apps is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I've met some awesome people, but it's been a bunch of work as well. At least if you're a man from what I've learned, but that's a conversation not for this thread.

I would say pick up some more consistent hobbies and test activities and events out. You will meet different kinds of people doing different things.

For example I'm gonna get a subscription for a local climbing gym and just pick some day of the week to commit to.