About passive aggressive guys

[Preety_India]

About passive aggressive guys. 

 

How should I deal with passive aggressive kind of dudes. 

(the following is also the reason why I experience a lot of anxiety around men) 

I have often run into situations in life where a guy would initially act very decent and polite and nice with me. And then he would get closer and closer. Like not necessarily physically closer but get too flirtatious and soon it would turn into sexist jokes or sexual lewd lascivious comments. Then it would almost feel like he is raping me through words. And it would get uncomfortable and I would start to step away or resist his behavior or tell him to back off. The next time I would observe that this same guy would then create some drama around me and try to hurt me mentally/emotionally because I didn't give into him. Like for example if I was studying at a place, he would turn everyone against me. If I was working at a place, he would turn the boss against me so that I get fired from the job. I think you get my point. It's passive aggressive behavior. 

 

I saw that often times whenever I rejected a guy's sexual interest(even if it was a passing interest), and no matter how politely I did that, he would have some resentment towards me later and he would use that resentment to play power games with me to punish me sort of for brushing off his advances. 

 

How should I effectively deal with such behavior? What can I do to stay mentally safe in such situations? 

 

Thanks. 

[flowboy]

@Preety_India Of course I can't 100% put myself in that place (although I've been uncomfortably hit on by big old guys in the showers at the gym, if that counts for something) - but here is how I've seen women respond to this in a healthy way:

• Confront it directly. Call out their passive aggressive misogynistic behavior for what it is. Be specific about what it exactly is in their attitude that they need to cut out if they want to be able to talk to you.
  
  A classy person addresses the behavior, not the person. So favor things like: "I do not tolerate misogynistic lewd comments like that", over: "You are a misogynist/chauvinist"
• If they respond in a way that makes you feel physically unsafe after doing that, don't be afraid or ashamed to call other men to the rescue. Men love to white-knight and protect women from each other, so use that. However if the situation becomes chaotic/dramatic, leave. Don't associate yourself with drama if you want to stay classy. Always default to leaving the situation altogether.

Edited February 25, 2022 by flowboy

[CodyXarex]

Jesus how horrifying. Do what flowboy suggested and if they don't get the hint and move in knee them in the nuts and run

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, CodyXarex said:

Jesus how horrifying. Do what flowboy suggested and if they don't get the hint and move in knee them in the nuts and run

. You really think that the guy can't hit me? 

He will break me into 2 pieces with one arm. 

[flowboy]

23 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

. You really think that the guy can't hit me? 

He will break me into 2 pieces with one arm. 

Clearly, you have never seen what a knee does to a guy.

There's a reason it's forbidden even in the most brutal fighting sports.

I don't think it's ethical to do it unless you are physically threatened, but it is at your disposal.

[NoSelfSelf]

Root cause :seems you attract narcissis all the time check it out for yourself why?

[Preety_India]

@NoSelfSelf actually this wasn't about boyfriends or men I was attracting. This was about men I was rejecting. Anyone can approach a woman and make a move on a woman right? 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Preety_India  You are attracting them that's why they are approaching you ? 

[Loba]

I have been the victim of this behaviour and have also acted this way, but I didn't really know that I was - I would do what you can to leave.  If you can't then ignore.  When I run into a passive aggressive person, I ignore the behaviour completely and keep it out of my thought bubble as much as possible as well.  I might write it out and then never give it another thought again.

Passive aggressive people can really be annoying; my mum is kind of; I would avoid as much as possible - ummm - it's like, they can't be direct.

I had a dude try that to me at work once, too and I just straight up told the boss that he was spreading lies because I rejected him, and they understood.

[Preety_India]

@NoSelfSelf no they could be in my environment and just be flirting with me the way they flirt with other girls. I'm not doing anything. 

You aren't getting my question at all. I'm asking a serious question 

 

 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Loba said:

I had a dude try that to me at work once, too and I just straight up told the boss that he was spreading lies because I rejected him, and they understood.

Yea this happened to me at work a couple of times. It brings a lot of unnecessary stress. 

[Loba]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Yea this happened to me at work a couple of times. It brings a lot of unnecessary stress. 

It does.  The guy told them I smoked meth and I was like, wth, no I don't, drug test me.
I looked them in the eyes and told them straight up that he asked me out and I rejected him and he was just doing that because he was mad.
I was living with a guy that I liked at the time and wasn't about to dump him for that person - and when I got the guy a job working there, too, that's when the rumours spread about me.  And they were so laughably untrue and I was so upfront about it - I stood up for myself, that might be what you have to do if a rumour gets to the boss.  Be very stern about what is happening, too - like, give the boss no indication that you would ever be a liar and if you can do that, then generally guys like that won't be believed.
That's what I had to do and it worked out.

[Preety_India]

@NoSelfSelf so if I look good and if those guys happen to like good looking girls, it's my fault??????? 

Seriously?

 

[puporing]

I think this is more like 'harrassment' more than anything.. but maybe it's more common in India I'm not sure. I've experienced that before and it has a feeling of unsafety. Unfortunately if the society at large decides not to protect women from this I don't know what you can do .

[Preety_India]

Just now, puporing said:

I think this is more like 'harrassment' more than anything.. but maybe it's more common in India I'm not sure. I've experienced that before and it has a feeling of unsafety. Unfortunately if the society at large decides not to protect women from this I don't know what you can do .

Yes yes yes yes.... I totally forgot the social component. Thanks for bringing that up. 

 

[puporing]

Just now, Preety_India said:

Yes yes yes yes.... I totally forgot the social component. Thanks for bringing that up. 

 

Yeah.. sorry to hear man. I genuinely wish you were in a better place in the world or something. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Preety_India then listen to people and things that you wanna hear that appeals you, you are not actually growing that way, but i get you are emotional women and operate differently and would answer this with another emotional response thats how it goes,facing truths is hard and the truth is always within us not out there,blaming men even though they are wrong would never grow you but ok...

[Preety_India]

@NoSelfSelf 

So some random shitty guy decided to misbehave with me, it's my fault that he chose me and not another victim! 

You're kidding me man. 

 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Preety_India

[NoSelfSelf]

@Preety_India we are done here,im trying to help and im just triggering you nothing coming out of it...miscommunication...hope you will solve this some other way peace <3

[Preety_India]

@NoSelfSelf thanks for the consideration.