UGLY BOOBS INSECURITY

[Hello1]

Hello GUYS AND GIRLS

 

I am 29 and I have a sex issue.

I hate my boobs. They are saggy. I used to be extremely fucking insecure about this and even wanted to kill myself (seriously) I have usually enough attention from men. But they don´t know how I look undressed and I get SO STRESSED before sex. Of course I can never get an honest opinion from a boyfriend and I don´t think I could handle it either. But I´ve seen so many naked breasts that I just know mine are way too ugly. It causes me a lot of jealousy issues, confidence issues and unability to orgasm easily. This problem has been with me for years. 

Now recently I have been somehow in an odd state of acceptance which is new to me. I feel sexy despite it. I have had insights and realisations that helped me. I also have found a lot of groundedness thanks to various things I have been through recently and a lot of groundedness in my passion for life and for art. Seeing sex as only a BONUS to that all helped me a lot too.

However, I still want some practical advice about this problem. 

I´d appreciate opinions about these questions plus any other comments to this post:

- Is this a kind of problem I can improve by working on my psychology /mind? Or is it just a problem where I need to face the bitter truth?

- What´s wiser? Hurry with sex with a guy to know if he rejects me for it before I get emotionally invested vs. wait to make him fall in love before sex so that he stops caring about boobs? (I am exactly that kind of person who needs to be in love to have good sex).

- What is your opinion on surgery? (I´m quite against it for various reasons) I am mostly interested in men´s opinions.

- Am I limited to find only low quality guys because of that?

- Should I mention my insecurity to my future men? (This is a real dilemma. The fact that confidence is key to attraction conflicts with the awkwardness I feel (or is it just in my head?) when I get undressed and we both know they are ugly and noone talks about the elephant in the room and it´s in the way of feeling relaxed.

- Am I entitled to act confident in bed despite my insecurity? (Similar to the point above. Confidence makes attractive but I feel like confidence is only for hot bodies. To be confident feels like to ignore the elephant in the room which makes it awkward doesn´t it?)

- Will a man think about better boobs while being with me?

- Is it a turnoff to not wanna take my bra off?

- Have you experienced that a girl looked worse naked than you expected? Were you disappointed? Turned off? 

- Ideas on how to be happy in bed with this complication? I am ready for a mind-work or any kind of work or even to let go of sex and focus on other things in life. I just need some pointers about what direction to start going. I envy men that they have help from Leo, I haven´t yet found help anywhere for women especially ugly ones

 

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH 

 

 

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Hello1

[Preety_India]

Wear a push up. 

 

<pro tip - if he is really into you and loves you, he won't care too much about saggy boobs. Find a guy who loves you for you, there's no alternative. Be with a man that treats you like a princess, nothing less>

 

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[hyruga]

If a guy doesn't love you just because of your boobs, then that's not true love. 

I did a video on true love vs superficial love. Are you interested?

[Hello1]

@Preety_India  I don´t have a problem with clothes on. Only in bed. And this deep belief that I have that I don´t know whether is false or not, that a man will always wish he had someone else with a better body. No matter what I do. 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Hello1

[Karmadhi]

Most guys would not care about your boobs at all.

Plenty of girls have really small boobs and are still considered extremly attractive.

You look quite nice from the picture so yeah do not worry about it  

Your boobs are such a small part of your overall physical appearance anyway.

 

Edited February 25, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Hello1]

@hyruga  I know he can probably love me despite of anything. However, this feeling of unattractiveness for him will bother me despite this love. Because I see the difference between love and attraction. If it´s a limiting belief, that "no man can be attracted to me if I have saggy boobs", then I have no problem overcoming this belief. But what I want the most is to figure out whether it is actually a limiting belief or not.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Hello1 said:

@Preety_India  I don´t have a problem with clothes on. Only in bed. And this deep belief that I have that I don´t know which is false or not, that a man will always wish he had someone else with a better body. No matter what I do. 

Girl, this is less of a boob issue and more of a self esteem issue. You've very low self esteem if you think that your man in bed should even entertain such a thought? If he does then your thought should be - what the heck am I doing with this guy? 

If you think you're going to be losing a guy, he is not good to be around to begin with. Find someone who has deeply fallen in love with you to the point that superficial concerns become immaterial. 

For this reason, and if you wanna attract such a guy, work deeply on your self esteem. Keep raising it and one day you'll forget your boobs and land the best man in the world. 

 

[Hello1]

@Karmadhi Thanks. I am trying to believe exactly that it´s only a small part of my appearance. But I realise that it´s an important part. I can´t wait to see the comments of men on this. Thanks for your opinion.

[Preety_India]

@Hello1 also another useful tip would be to find a spiritual partner who doesn't care too much about the body/face etc. 

Also don't do plastic surgery. That has a negative impact later on. 

 

[Karmadhi]

3 minutes ago, Hello1 said:

But I realise that it´s an important part.

Not really. Most guys do not care. Some guys have a boob fetish but i can assure u most will not care.

But if you are really insecure i know exercises can help you elevate it a bit.

[Hello1]

@Preety_India I do indeed have a huge confidence issues. You would sense it if you met me in person, I give this vibe of low confidence in general. I don´t know whether the boobs insecurity comes from the low confidence or vica versa. Probably both ways. Do you think I could charge confidence from other aspect of my looks / life / accomplishments / experiences etc and that would make me lose / forget the boob insecurity and be actually confident in bed as well?

Yes, that is exactly my vision of an ideal situation - find a guy that will fall in love with me so much that the boobs will not matter anymore. I often have a dilemma - hurry with sex or wait with sex? Hurry to know if he rejects me for it before I get emotionally invested vs. wait to make him fall in love before he stops caring about boobs.

[Karmadhi]

May i ask, if you get attention from guys anyway why does it matter to you this boob thing?

Looks only purpose is to get attraction of guys, if that is handled why care?

[Roy]

The more comfortable and confident you are in your own body, the more other people will be as well (with themselves and towards you), even if you have to fake it till you make it with that confidence for a while. It's tricky but that's seems to be how it works, in my experience at least.

Surgery I'm against. I don't think people modifying their bodies is that wise. It can be expensive and is in my opinion an avoidance for doing deeper interpersonal work. If you want to modify your body do it naturally through exercise.

Of course you are entitled to act confident. You don't need to ask anyone permission for how you choose to feel about yourself, why would you ?

However when you come across a guy you really like, and you aren't feeling at your very best confidence wise. I think it's ok to tell him how you feel about it, and that it's a soft spot you struggle with.

Showing vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, and expressing it with someone can help build a lot of trust.

[Hello1]

@Karmadhi Already when I see that he is interested, I start to doubt whether he would like me naked, I feel like I am gonna disappoint him so much, because I look so much better dressed than undressed. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Hello1 said:

@Preety_India I do indeed have a huge confidence issues. You would sense it if you met me in person, I give this vibe of low confidence in general. I don´t know whether the boobs insecurity comes from the low confidence or vica versa. Probably both ways. Do you think I could charge confidence from other aspect of my looks / life / accomplishments / experiences etc and that would make me lose / forget the boob insecurity and be actually confident in bed as well?

From your posting I can tell that you are intelligent and you can work on other areas of your life like personality and charm. Work on social skills and expanding your social networking so you meet loads and loads of men so you will find a man who is the right fit for you. I know as women we're never given this advice to actively seek out men, but ideally we should to avoid the crappy kind of men. There are so many ways a woman can show her beauty and its not limited only to her body and face. 

Your own personality can do wonders. 

2 minutes ago, Hello1 said:

Yes, that is exactly my vision of an ideal situation - find a guy that will fall in love with me so much that the boobs will not matter anymore. I often have a dilemma - hurry with sex or wait with sex? Hurry to know if he rejects me for it before I get emotionally invested vs. wait to make him fall in love before he stops caring about boobs.

This is a tricky situation. I think the better option would be to hurry and know if he rejects you or not before you get too emotionally invested. That's a better strategy because most guys are very superficial (although they won't tell you that on the first date), so the more you drag with them the worse it gets for you, so the best thing is to test them early on, if they reject you, then good riddance, you can quickly move to the next guy till you find the right guy. Don't let guys waste your time. Screen them immediately for their core values. If you see they aren't deeply committed and don't like you for who you are, then immediately reject as fast as possible and move to the next.. 

Hope this helps. 

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

Sort of a side note but breast massages can improve the look and feel of your breasts. 
 

This is the technique I use and I love it. It’s a great way to connect with your breasts and offer them loving kindness, too:)

https://youtu.be/lLXZoBfm39c

[Yarco]

I'm not gonna do the "yaas qween" thing and tell you that a guy should love you despite saggy boobs.

I'll tell you just as an anecdotal story of one person's experience, that my ex had kinda saggy, under-developed, ugly boobs and yes it was a disappointment. Here is this otherwise basically perfect woman, with these ugly boobs. Of course I never said anything, like your boyfriend never said anything. But most likely he is thinking it. If you said "if you could change one thing about me" I bet his mind would instantly go to boobs.

For most guys it's not going to be a dealbreaker anyway though. If the rest of you looks fine, your personality is fine, and you're an overall good partner, then bad boobs aren't the end of the world.

Also some guys might have a thing for more saggy boobs, although you aren't likely to run into them by accident.

Paradoxically, despite everything I've said about being with my ex and being dissatisfied with her boobs, there have been times that I've specifically sought out porn of women with saggy boobs. And I've also gone back and looked at nudes my ex sent me despite the saggy boobs. Maybe it's just a nostalgia thing, or I developed a bit of a fetish for it, I dunno.

1 hour ago, Hello1 said:

- Is this a kind of problem I can improve by working on my psychology /mind? Or is it just a problem where I need to face the bitter truth?

I don't think this is a problem you can overcome with psychology/mind or just loving/accepting yourself. The insecurity is too deep. You just need to face the bitter truth that you have ugly boobs.

1 hour ago, Hello1 said:

- What´s wiser? Hurry with sex with a guy to know if he rejects me for it before I get emotionally invested vs. wait to make him fall in love before sex so that he stops caring about boobs?

IMO somewhere in between. Wait like at least 5 - 10 dates to get them somewhat invested so they care about more than just your boobs. But don't wait so long that if for some reason it's a weird dealbreaker for them, that you've invested too much time.

1 hour ago, Hello1 said:

- What is your opinion on surgery? (I´m quite against it for various reasons) I am mostly interested in men´s opinions.

 If you are against it then not really any point discussing it, but I would be for it.

In many countries, if you tell your doctor that it's causing you as much psychological distress as you say, usually it's even covered by healthcare/insurance.

I think you're underestimating what a huge boost in confidence it would give you. Imagine if half your face was burned and you were constantly hiding it, putting on makeup, turning away in every picture. That's the level of insecurity you have about your boobs. It could be life-changing. I know a few women who have got boob jobs and I've seen the huge change in confidence that it has.

Be aware that usually there is some scarring, so it might just change to being self-concious about another aspect of your boobs.

1 hour ago, Hello1 said:

- Am I limited to find only low quality guys because of that?

- Should I mention my insecurity to my future men?

No you aren't limited although your insecurity will probably come across and be a turn-off.

Don't mention your insecurity to future men until you're in a long-term relationship, I think you'll come across as damaged goods.

1 hour ago, Hello1 said:

- Am I entitled to act confident in bed despite my insecurity?

- Will a man think about better boobs while being with me?

- Is it a turnoff to not wanna take my bra off?

- Yes of course

- Yes but not necessarily in the moment

- Not necessarily, you can get away with it especially if you do explain your insecurity and that it will make you feel more comfortable and likely to orgasm etc if you keep it on.

[Tristan12]

Keep in mind that everyone has different preferences for what they're attracted to. Personally i'm a lot more attracted to ass than boobs so if a girl has a nice butt I don't really care what her boobs look like. Even though boobs are generally considered an important part of a female's attractiveness, I think a lot of guys will be willing to overlook it if they are attracted to the rest of you. Its not as important as you might think. Unless a guy specifically has a thing for nice boobs and its really important to him, most guys won't care that much.

Sure its still considered a flaw, but lots of people have lots of different kinds of flaws and accepting the flaws of your partner is a natural part of relationships. If a guy was to love everything about you but then leave you just because of your boobs, he would be a dick, and that's certainly not the norm for what you would expect from most guys. That would be his fault and not yours.

If you are hoping to find a really deep and fulfilling relationship in the future, where your personal connection with the guy is the most important thing, any guy you develop that with who really loves you for who you are isn't going to leave you because of your boobs, he would be willing to overlook that.

Ultimately you're just going to have to keep working on your relationship with yourself and being able to love and accept yourself as you are. It's not this flaw itself that makes you so insecure, its that you are already insecure and lack self-love and self-worth, and then having this flaw just triggers it so much more because you feel like it's confirming how you already feel about yourself. Loving yourself comes from your internal relationship with yourself, and if you fully had that you wouldn't have a problem accepting whatever flaw you have, because you know you deserve love regardless.

That's what you want to work on long term to really overcome this insecurity, but for now I can at least assure you that boobs aren't as important as you think they are to guys and most guys will be willing to overlook it if they're already into you, and that alone certainly won't prevent you from getting the kind of man you want.

[SgtPepper]

I agree with @Preety_India.

 

[Hello from Russia]

You can work on your tits via exercise, as well as your ass and other features. Most girls who have shitty tits just have very weak chest muscles

My girlfriend's tits actually improved A LOT shape-wise after she started going to the gym consistently, not to say her ass and other parts improved quite a lot also too

But also, tits alone are a pretty superficial criteria on its own. If you work on yourself in other areas, quality men will not care about your tits that much. We look for partners Holistically, not just by 1 factor

That being said, I'm sure if you start exercising and improve your tits by around 20-30-40% you will already feel happy about them and actually be proud of having such tits because you consciously worked for them, not just simply got born like most girls do with their awesome tits. Some girls just get born with genetically "weak" tits before they muscle them up

If you exercise them, It's good for your health too, you can severely decrease risks of a ton of various tit-diseases by doing that (I've studied it quite at length for my gf), so it's a win-win for sure. Can't say the same about implants, they seem to damage your health long term (As well as your self-esteem I guess)

Edited February 25, 2022 by Hello from Russia