Relapsed again...

[Federico del pueblo]

@Javfly33

Isn't there a way to make this stuff very hard to access, so you can't fall for your addiction so easily?

[Javfly33]

12 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Javfly33

Isn't there a way to make this stuff very hard to access, so you can't fall for your addiction so easily?

I've tried in the past, back on the days when i was on nofap. Installing web blockers and so on. But you end Up always finding a way to access it again 

I just think the only way out IS to change the way i think/ feel etc so i Dont find appealing so much to do this stuff.

For example, i would never do findom to male doms. The mere thought makes me laugh. So its only to certain Girls. So What It is? What It is that i hate so much about them And feel inferior to them? Why do i give a shit about the money they make or not? <<<< all of this shadow must be cleansed and deconstructed.

Also, because really my issue is global. Now is findom yeah, But actually this feeling of inferiority/need of validation/envy/injustice I already experienced with a girl about 5 years ago. It became a virus in my own mind. The amount of suffering It made me was incredible.

So from that i suspect my mind have some serious trauma which makes It create this kind of thoughts and emotions. I think Basically social anxiety/findom etc It all boils down/is the same shit. It is produced because how my mind thinks about me/others, a Deep structure that findom trigger very Deep i think.

Thats why even though i hate to lose so much money i know the addiction is not really the problem. My problem is this whole structure i think.

 

[Javfly33]

13 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Innnnntersting. Emotions I know well .. the sort of feeling of being worthless 

 

ego is a funny thing.

when you realize how easily you could get a girl it might feel disappointed in how easy it is an want it to be hard 

but you’ll figure it out 

Your a lot more valuable than you feel

Thanks brother also if you want to check my previous post ?? you might find interesting to read that too

[Federico del pueblo]

@Javfly33 @Javfly33

Yeah definitely the feelings of unworthiness and inferiority etc are linked to the addiction behaviour. It seems like a cycle, in which the addictive behaviour perpuates the negative emotions that are the root cause of the behaviour, wouldn't you say?

Anyway, just keep doing the work, you're on your way.

[Javfly33]

27 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Javfly33 @Javfly33

Yeah definitely the feelings of unworthiness and inferiority etc are linked to the addiction behaviour. It seems like a cycle, in which the addictive behaviour perpuates the negative emotions that are the root cause of the behaviour, wouldn't you say?

Anyway, just keep doing the work, you're on your way.

Thanks ??

[Mu_]

On 2/23/2022 at 7:26 PM, Javfly33 said:

I burned 300€ in 2-3 hours tonight...along with my first week of february previous relapse, It goes 1100€ burned in this dumb addiction...

Im not sure if i am playing the cards of Life correctly. On one hand i see some progress in my Life, But in others like this relapses It seems like these progress are kinda of "meh".

On one perspective the relapses are the proof that the root/shadow of my psyche its not healed. And Im not really doing shit. Im just going on a wheel. Thinking Im "progressing". On other perspective the relapses are just the "ashes" of the identity and even though i make progress those ashes Will be there for some time until I completely finish the self actualization progres.

On one hand i think i should maybe do a Psychedelic trip because i Dont see Nothing really changes in my Life, on other hand a trip now would probably What always It has been: an avoidance mechanism of not accepting how Life its right now and What i have to do to change It (in a sober way).

Advice?

 

How would you feel if your so called addiction was something that everyone did and considered as normal?  Findom as you say.  Would it really bother you then if its a accepted looked highly upon societal activity?   Or if it was considered one of the highest praises and achievements of self development, would you really feel so bad for spending the money and doing this activity?  

Maybe upon seeing your  answer you may realize that the issue is not the issue, but how you relate to it and believe it to be.

[vizual]

To be frank, this seems like something a person should seek professional counseling for 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Mu_ said:

How would you feel if your so called addiction was something that everyone did and considered as normal?  Findom as you say.  Would it really bother you then if its a accepted looked highly upon societal activity?   Or if it was considered one of the highest praises and achievements of self development, would you really feel so bad for spending the money and doing this activity?  

Maybe upon seeing your  answer you may realize that the issue is not the issue, but how you relate to it and believe it to be.

Yes, you are right. In that sense, the addiction is not the problem.

Ultimately @Mu_ I think the issue is my inability to feel and understand my emotions.

1 hour ago, vizual said:

To be frank, this seems like something a person should seek professional counseling for 

? No shit,uh? But yeah you are right.

I am seeing a therapist each 2 weeks , although I haven´t told her anything about findom. Not sure what she would think about it.

[Javfly33]

5 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Definitely mention it next time you see her. These people are payed to listen to other people's problems - I doubt she'd find this problem of yours special, or unique, so don't worry.

Unfortunately due to social anxiety I feel very difficult to tell her this since for me it´s humiliating since she´s a girl.

But I think I am having progress in social anxiety, maybe I will be able to do it.

[integral]

Use a Wallet that only allows white listed expenses. Lock funds in that account and give emergency keys to trusted family/friends. in case of the need for an emergency withdrawal.

A savings account that takes human error out of the equation.

[John Paul]

It's very brave of you to share this openly. This is not something a coward would do. This is something an honorable, honest, and strong man does.

[John Paul]

Retrace your steps.... when did you feel defeated, powerless, shameful, in the past? 

[Javfly33]

9 hours ago, John Paul said:

It's very brave of you to share this openly. This is not something a coward would do. This is something an honorable, honest, and strong man does.

?????Thanks brother 

9 hours ago, John Paul said:

Retrace your steps.... when did you feel defeated, powerless, shameful, in the past? 

Im sure It happened several times in the past, But i can remember one very Deep traumatic experience when i was a kid at school... however remember It havent solved me much.

 

[Loba]

Don't feel shame for your sexuality, embrace this part of yourself, love it, understand it as much as possible, no shame, no humiliation.
The more you learn about it, the less it has an affect on you.

I have what is called a paraphilia, and in coming to understand it, and not hide from it or view it as something bad, I chose to embrace and accept it and I found power, safety, and groundedness through doing this.

Maybe instead of moving away from it, but also don't use it compulsively, but moving towards it consciously, uncover every stone and leaf and see what is under there.  If it is still a bad influence in your life, address it with a therapist.

#sexpositiveculture

Edited March 2, 2022 by Loba

[Javfly33]

2 minutes ago, Loba said:

Don't feel shame for your sexuality, embrace this part of yourself, love it, understand it as much as possible, no shame, no humiliation.
The more you learn about it, the less it has an affect on you.

I have what is called a paraphilia, and in coming to understand it, and not hide from it or view it as something bad, I chose to embrace and accept it and I found power, safety, and groundedness through doing this.

Maybe instead of moving away from it, but also don't use it compulsively, but moving towards it consciously, uncover every stone and leaf and see what is under there.  If it is still a bad influence in your life, address it with a therapist.

#sexpositiveculture

I think your advice damages me more than empowers me, But thanks i Guess.

[Loba]

@Javfly33 Oook.

If you try to run from it, you'll just create a split.  It isn't about doing the action, it is about embracing who you are, where the motivations come from, how they happened, why they are there, sexuality is deep, deep stuff.

If you can embrace and understand this part of yourself, love that part, it can make it whole instead of something driven on humiliation.  

Edited March 2, 2022 by Loba

[Javfly33]

Just now, Loba said:

@Javfly33 Oook.

I mean idk. Its like you would Tell a crack addict to Accept his addiction.

The Life of Smoking crack its never going to get confortable or manageable, It Will just suck over and over. The only way out is healing.

I Dont have an issue "toleraring" the Pain of the addiction. Just at least Dont Tell me i cant do anything and i have to love being powerless. Give me a break with this progressive liberal BS 

[Loba]

@Javfly33 Yeah, you have to accept it to move past it and delve into why it is there, and where it came from, sexuality is the key to understanding one's self as a person, your motivations, your energy, spirituality, all of it is connected, thus why I suggest to embrace and learn to love what you are given instead of viewing it as an addiction - view it as a part of yourself that is expressing itself in a way that doesn't help you.

But what is inside of what doesn't help - the understanding of it all - hard to explain - but it can give you your power back as a person.  It did for me.

I was nearly shot up and held hostage in a hospital for my sexual orientation because someone found out - though I don't act on it - simply me discussing myself and coming to understand myself caused that.  I do understand unusual preferences better than most, I do "get it".

You don't love being powerless, you just deep dive into where it came from and do some serious depth psychology as to why it is there - and if you need to, some healthier more empowering alternatives.  This isn't about doing nothing, it is about getting your power back.  The only way out is through.  I would seriously suggest talking to your therapist about it and start diving deep into these motivations.

Just be sure to surround yourself with open minded people who won't make you feel bad about yourself or put you down or inhibit your learning about yourself.  What if there is a shadow so deep, that it holds all the light that a person needs within it?  The whole path towards awakening can be done just by understanding one's sexuality.  It should never make you feel powerless, even if you are into situations where you feel powerless, if you learn to understand why, where and your own unique makeup, you can get that back.

If you have any specific questions, let me know, I am pretty into my own journey understanding what happened to me, and it gave me many awakenings, a lot of understanding of the world and an openness and caring for other people's sexualities, as mine is divergent as well, I can understand people who aren't "vanilla".

[lostingenosmaze]

@Javfly33 There are smokers who are able to quit smoking outright just by noticing the act of smoking in the moment itself, @Loba 's got a point. Consciously and mindfully "burning your karma" or introspecting and accepting your desires (and all the realities or consequences that come with it) can be a way of conterintuitively overcoming them.

[Javfly33]

@Loba Thanks. I actually want to apologize because of my last reply to you yesterday

@lostingenosmaze

Having said that guys , heres the Issue I find with your logic: I've been "instrospecting" for years, It hasnt gotten me anywhere. Thats why i am skeptic of all those words such as "understanding", "healing", "going deeper" "the past", "shadows", "past wounds", "subconscious", etc.

I just havent gotten results. Thats why i am skeptic with that approach. Where are the results? I Dont see them. But thanks for your help, Im sure its well intented. Ill try to integrate It in my current world view on how things work.