I think I had a realization, how can I know if it was legit?

[Seeker_of_truth]

I recently watched one of Rupert Spira's youtube video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usvt5awnmpM) in which he asks to answer as awareness a few questions on the nature of awareness. The first time I watched this I was effortlessly able to answer them. Now that I'm back from that perspective to the normality, my mind has doubts on whether I really was aware of the nature of awareness or whether I just imagined something in my mind. So my first question is if I ever become aware of the self how can I know that it is the true self? I thought if I ask is it me or am I aware of it, and if its an object in the mind I would answer that I'm aware of it. But I don't think that is good enough I feel it is possible to identify with an object and think that it is me when it isn't really me. Second question is after the realization fades off (taken over by the old identification) and I'm back to normality, what happens then? I don't know if I had a realization or not but assuming I did, for 1-2 days after it I was able to remember it and even experience it again. Then from day 3 the memory started fading and I feel crazy not being able to have the realization which seemed so simple and ordinary when I had it. I feel like I probably could get it again if I watch the video but the expectation of realization is driving my mind crazy - latching onto imaginary objects in an attempt to have the same experience. So now I'm kind of settling into normality and accepting it.

Ok that was one part of my question. Now I want to share the realization I had (based on what I remember). I was able to be aware of me as the one being aware. It felt like I have always been that - always being there in background being aware. I could also see it being there in my memory of past experiences.  I felt that awareness happened by itself - I didn't have to put any effort to be aware - and so even when I fall asleep I'm still being aware but since the body's perceptions are going down it feels like I'm going unconscious but I'm conscious as I have always been. I could also understand that no experience I had could affect me. Even if my body was being killed, I would be silently aware of it unaffected and it felt like it would continue to exist after death of the body. And regarding boundary of awareness it felt like wherever I looked I couldn't deny that awareness was there - I'm not sure now whether I confused being aware of what I looked to awareness being there. And the easiest one to answer was whether awareness ages - the answer to which is that it doesn't.

 

[Vibroverse]

This might sound way too simplistic perhaps, but I think the way you know true knowledge from false knowledge is simply by feeling for the resonance of whatever you think the knowledge to be. That's why quieting your mind might be helpful, because you then are not tripping yourself up with thoughts and modes of confusion and doubt and so forth. 

Edited February 23, 2022 by Vibroverse

[Seeker_of_truth]

@Vibroverse Hmm, thanks, I'll try that next time.

[Gili Trawangan]

The realization "I am awareness" and not a person is an important one, but it is just the beginning of the spiritual path.

If doubts arise, investigate again, are you the doubts (thoughts) or are you aware of doubts?

Bring yourself back however many times it's needed until those thoughts subside. Meditation is very helpful for this.

[VictorB02]

2 hours ago, Seeker_of_truth said:

The first time I watched this I was effortlessly able to answer them. Now that I'm back from that perspective to the normality, my mind has doubts on whether I really was aware of the nature of awareness or whether I just imagined something in my mind.

What's aware of your doubts and confusion right now? Is that a different awareness? 

If you stop trying to grasp and get at it, the simplicity and clarity will come back.

Don't let your mind pull you back to your "experience". That's a never ending game only the mind can win. I would suggest to just relax. You can't lose awareness, even if you tried. Right now reading this it is effortlessly functioning. Notice that, again and again. 

[Seeker_of_truth]

20 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

The realization "I am awareness" and not a person is an important one, but it is just the beginning of the spiritual path.

If doubts arise, investigate again, are you the doubts (thoughts) or are you aware of doubts?

Bring yourself back however many times it's needed until those thoughts subside. Meditation is very helpful for this.

Thanks for your inputs. I do sense that this is just the beginning  

 

20 hours ago, VictorB02 said:

What's aware of your doubts and confusion right now? Is that a different awareness? 

If you stop trying to grasp and get at it, the simplicity and clarity will come back.

Don't let your mind pull you back to your "experience". That's a never ending game only the mind can win. I would suggest to just relax. You can't lose awareness, even if you tried. Right now reading this it is effortlessly functioning. Notice that, again and again. 

I just relaxed and meditated today and got back the realization. I see that coming back to it again and again is making it more and more clear. Thanks

[Shambhu]

@Seeker_of_truth    

Sounds like an excellent start.  The "I've got it; I've lost it" experience is rather common in the beginning.  Keep doing self-inquiry.  Adding meditation to your practice will help in the process as well.  Ignorance of our true nature has created our whole world, so it usually takes time to shine light into every dark corner.  Until then, keep up the good work.

[Seeker_of_truth]

@Shambhu  ?

[VictorB02]

4 hours ago, Seeker_of_truth said:

I just relaxed and meditated today and got back the realization. I see that coming back to it again and again is making it more and more clear. Thanks

I understand, my mind has the same struggles