Non Voluntary Statements

[Danielle]

As I started deepening  my meditation and self enquiry practices I started noticing this odd tendency. For example, I was an atheist for 4 years and I never confonted my father about that issue and just played along and pretended I believed. I was scared of how he'd react because he was abusive in the past. One day he asked me if I could check something about our local church and asked me if I wanted to go. I, without a single thought in my head, said that I will never go to church again because I don't believe in it all.  As soon as I said it, i experienced this amazing feeling of freedom and in another instant I felt terrified and started thinking who said that and my mind was coming up with all sorts of awful consequences that will arise from this. Luckily, almost none of them happend.

It also happend today, I just blabbled out to my best friend something I was scared to say for years. it came so naturally and I felt the second biggest relief I ever had, other than that with my father. I feel more authentic with everyone because I dropped the act, but I'm still really confused about all of this. i guess I'm scared of my self image being destroyed

Any insights or experiences of what this could be would be appreciated. Thank you

Edited January 17, 2017 by Danielle

[ajasatya]

@Danielle you've experienced absolute sincerity.

one of the deepest desires of a human being is being able to be completely honest. and yet, one of the biggest challenges for a human being is being completely honest with oneself and others.

sincerity means being able to take full responsibility for one's own thoughts, words and actions.

it's impossible to attain full liberation without absolute sincerity.

Edited January 19, 2017 by ajasatya