How to deal with general disinterest in life?

[sleep]

Every time I go to bed I wish I don't wake up the next day. Thing is I'm not particularly depressed, I just wish I wouldn't have to deal with life. I have no aspirations other than to avoid the pain in the ass-ness of everything as much as possible, and the more time passes I get more burnt out and this endurance test gets tougher. This isn't a recent situation or anything, I'm 21 and I've felt like this for as long as I remember. I want to quit life the same way you would want to quit a party when you've gotten bored.

I feel kind of lost and would be thankful if one of you guys that has dealt with this could offer me some advice. 

[vizual]

Life is all about finding yourself and living out who you are through your work, projects relationships, your way of being and expressing yourself. It’s pretty much impossible to be bored when you are living authentically. I would say that your boredom comes from you not living from your authentic self, thereby not feeling the enticement and appeal of the outer world.

 Because what are we really here for? To create something out of nothing. That’s what fills our souls. Creating something of our own. And of course creation can have an infinite amount of manifestations. But there are specific things that you came here for to create, and enjoy.

 

[puporing]

Hmm, yeah it can be hard to find that spark again when you're in that place. What is the thing that you're 'dealing with'/'enduring' that is not bringing you joy and or causing pain? If you can imagine a future where that thing(s) is not as in your life as much or at all, what things would you invite into your life? Is there anything at all there? It can even be a simple thing like watching things unfold around you, petting a dog or watching the flowers bloom but no right answer here.

I guess what helped me is first acceptance of where I'm at.. and go into contemplating death. Like, if I were to not be in this body today, feel into what that might be like - being this eternal non-differentiated 'spirit'. You can do that without 'physically' dying. If not, what is preventing you from this total peace that is already your nature even in this 'differentiated' reality? Then maybe you'll get bored of this and want to do something rather than nothing. Go with what resonates with you and don't let others tell you what you should resonate with. See if that helps. 

[sleep]

2 minutes ago, puporing said:

What is the thing that you're 'dealing with'/'enduring' that is not bringing you joy and or causing pain?

I'm not dealing with anything in particular, I think it might be my default state because I can't remember ever thinking "Gee, how happy I am to be alive"

3 minutes ago, puporing said:

It can even be a simple thing like watching things unfold around you, petting a dog or watching the flowers bloom but no right answer here.

I like petting dogs but not enough to put up with everything else

 

Ill put it in another way, I think life is a game that's not interesting for me and I wish I didn't have to play it, but at the same time I don't wish to commit suicide because of the consequences it would have on the people around me

[puporing]

I get you, maybe it feels like you didn't ask to be here and here you are.

What if it's not possible to not play the game? ie, what if you'll just be birthed into another life?  

 

[sleep]

@puporing Ive thought of that possibility and honestly I find it quite scary. Like being put into some twisted scenario for the amusement of something you don't even know, like a SAW movie or something. It could also be the opposite and it's actually something beautiful but my vision is too clouded to see.

Anyways I don't know any way of knowing so I tend not to think of any afterlife stuff, anyways I dont think that fear of greater pain is really an uplifting motivator to keep on living

[puporing]

26 minutes ago, sleep said:

I like petting dogs but not enough to put up with everything else

What are the things that you do not want/like putting up with? I understand they are perhaps too big to 'change'. Maybe it's not a personal situation but something larger/collective. If so, is there a possibility I could make peace with where the collective is at and inject myself wherever I can in my limited capacity to create a kind of place I want to be in? How does change happen anyway if not from a handful of individuals who cared enough, maybe this could be a purpose for you to be here. 

[sleep]

6 minutes ago, puporing said:

What are the things that you do not want/like putting up with?

It's pretty hard to put into words, but it's probably something like a lack of purpose or desire to live and a deep seated pessimism. Also laziness that stems from my thoughts that nothing is worth doing and the return is generally unsatisfactory. 

 

As for the collective thing I'm generally selfish so it doesn't affect me much, it's mostly just a personal problem

[Breakingthewall]

If you don't feel like doing anything, why do it? How about becoming a monk, or living in a cave looking at the sea all day, being a kind of hermit, being with yourself, and being happy doing nothing? 

[puporing]

20 minutes ago, sleep said:

it's probably something like a lack of purpose or desire to live and a deep seated pessimism. Also laziness that stems from my thoughts that nothing is worth doing and the return is generally unsatisfactory. 

Have you been discouraged alot from trying different things? Often things take a long time to take traction. Or you haven't found something that's worth doing in and of itself, and simultaneously maybe worried about making living. I know I had those conflicts alot... 

[sleep]

@puporing I have tried many different things, it's just that I usually just get sick of them after a couple of days. Maybe If I keep trying I'll find something? 

 

@Breakingthewall I have thought about becoming a hermit or something like that but I dont think it's as simple as sheltered people like us believe it to be. It's probably harder than life in the city. Also I'm not happy doing nothing, I'm not smart like that. 

[blankisomeone]

1 hour ago, sleep said:

Every time I go to bed I wish I don't wake up the next day.

Same

[blankisomeone]

1 hour ago, sleep said:

I'm 21 and I've felt like this for as long as I remember

Were your parents present and engaged and loving with you when you were a kid growing up? Was is it a peaceful, engaging, encouraging environment at home? Usually kids learn to disengage and disconnect from life when home environment wasn't so good. Probably look for therapy if you have the motivation and means to do so.

[sleep]

@blankisomeone It's not like I was abused or anything but my parents were divorced. I remember feeling disconnected from the world around me when I was a kid, I think there might be some undiagnosed autism stuff going on. As for therapy I'm saving up currently, I'm broke but I plan on going. 

[puporing]

@sleep yeah I'd def look into your past more... sounds like it may have contributed to the feeling of numbness or hopeless feeling. We're generally wired to live and keep going, something must've disrupted this when you were younger. Sounds very lonely the way you grew up (feeling disconnected). A lack of nuturing people in our lives can put us in such a dark place, it's a product of your environment mostly, rarely do people who feel nurtured/seen/loved want to end their life I'd say. There are two kinds of abuse - one is more active and easily identified, the other is a lack of nuturance/care, which is harder to identify and thus more damaging imo.

There's not an easy fix for this... you sound like essentially an orphan who didn't even know what was missing. Finding a good therapist will help but it make take a few tries (it can be very frustrating). The goal is to have this sense of someone giving you proper parenting/guidance at which point you feel strengthened enough to go on on your own. Meanwhile talking to people who may understand you helps too. Sorry I went on a bit, felt like this was relevant.

And yeah the other stuff like finding what you like will come more easily once things don't have this grey tint to everything.

Edited February 23, 2022 by puporing

[hyruga]

I also have a general disinterest to life due to various setbacks in life. My advice is focusing on the 5 domains of life and rotate them and get better at each of them one at a time.

Edited February 23, 2022 by hyruga

[sleep]

@hyruga thanks for the idea, im actually doing something like that focusing mainly on health and spirituality but I hadnt thought about what other aspects I should be focusing on. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Go find an interest. It’s really that simple, but it can feel hard in that state. If you look hard and long enough, you will find something that makes you feel alive. That’s pretty much guaranteed unless you die unexpectedly. 
 

Go try some new things. Or go do something you used to like/love. 

[This]

I like to read and hear from people who are less lucky than me. It helps me appreciate where i am and realize how much i whine for nothing.

[Loba]

The brain needs to be activated, try working out for 30 mins to an hour every day, and this will help regrow areas of the brain that feel pleasure.  You get endorphins from working out, which feel good, it is productive, you'll get a hot bod, and it literally scientifically has been proven to fix areas of the brain damaged by depression and mental illness - exercise is the single best thing you can do if you are feeling depressed and it takes not much time out of the day, you just gotta be willing to do it.

I have been working out for only a week, and taking weekends off to rest and I can already feel myself feeling more motivated, happier, and stronger in body and spirit.

Try it - light to start with and then increase.
I was nearly catatonic on a couch for a few years, and with meds and working out, I can feel those new connections being formed in the brain, and I feel myself having an easier time doing other things, it's like working out gets rid of resistance in a bunch of other areas of life.

Edited February 23, 2022 by Loba