Who the F do I approach?

[thenondualtankie]

Thinking back to that one part where Leo said he went to the mall and looked at hundreds of girls, training his ability to do a quick "Yes" or "No". Attracted or not attracted. Up or down.

I've been trying to do this as well, but the issue is that there seems to be a TON of "maybe". Having that quick YES or NO is harder than it sounds, especially when you've had a years-long habit of suppressing what you're attracted to out of belief that you'll never get it. From what I can tell though, the YES comes from when you have that "wow" feeling from the girls beauty.

My question is: what should I do if I'm not super looks oriented? I personally care more about personality than the average guy. I definitely care about looks, but I do notice myself get attracted to girls that don't necessarily look good, but I'm attracted to them sheerly from getting to know them. I'm sure this happens to a lot of you. Furthermore, shouldn't I be lowering my standards initially? Or should I literally just be only shooting for those "wow" girls?

For context, and this may well totally invalidate my question lol, I haven't actually started approaching regularly yet. Just been obsessing over the idea of doing it instead 

[puporing]

Do what feels right to you. Try a bunch of things and see what feels good to you. That way you have a higher chance of finding someone that resonates more with you I think. 

Personally really enjoy the process of getting to know someone too. 

Edited February 21, 2022 by puporing

[Leo Gura]

16 minutes ago, thenondualtankie said:

Having that quick YES or NO is harder than it sounds

Yup, hence the need to train it.

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My question is: what should I do if I'm not super looks oriented? I personally care more about personality than the average guy.

That's easy. As long as she clears your looks threshold -- that is, you'd we happy sleeping with a girl who looks like that -- then you approach and get to know her personality. If her personality sucks then you politely move on to the next girl.

No one is forcing you to sleep with her just because you approach her. Get her number, take her on a date, see how you like her personality. Then sleep with her if you do. Otherwise you don't have to keep seeing her beyond the 1st date. This is what dating is for.

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Furthermore, shouldn't I be lowering my standards initially? Or should I literally just be only shooting for those "wow" girls?

Yes, lower your standards initially. You won't be sleeping with most of these girls anyway. You gotta practice first.

If you see a Wow girl, def approach, but don't only look for Wow girls starting off. You need practice and you don't even care about looks that much.

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Just been obsessing over the idea of doing it instead 

Of course

Honestly, at your current stage you should be talking to anyone with a vagina. You need basic practice socializing with strangers.

[Raze]

Try “start conversations with women” and “get her number” videos here http://davidtianphd.com/masterclass-content/

[aurum]

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

My question is: what should I do if I'm not super looks oriented? I personally care more about personality than the average guy. I definitely care about looks, but I do notice myself get attracted to girls that don't necessarily look good, but I'm attracted to them sheerly from getting to know them.

 

I don’t deny that you’re attracted to more than looks. But the fact that you identify this way is likely the result of your “good-guy” programming.

Just for now, I’d practice seeing yourself in a new way.

If you were a selfish piece of shit who didn’t care about love, relationships, connection or anything like that, what kind of girls would you be physically into?

Of course this is a hypothetical. But this question may help connect you to your more primal, “base” desires.

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

Having that quick YES or NO is harder than it sounds, especially when you've had a years-long habit of suppressing what you're attracted to out of belief that you'll never get it.

Aside from what I mentioned above, you gotta feel your way into it.

Attraction is a feeling, not a thought or a belief. I don’t “think” I’m attracted to someone, I literally feel attraction.

So who makes you feel?

When you go out and you see a girl walking by, do you get the feeling that you want to fuck her? Does your breathing change? Are you imagining all the things you might to with her?

You need to BE a sexual person. It’s part of who you are.

You can’t get in touch with that, maybe watch a little bit of porn before you go out. Not enough to masturbate, but just enough to put you in touch with your desires.

7 hours ago, thenondualtankie said:

For context, and this may well totally invalidate my question lol, I haven't actually started approaching regularly yet. Just been obsessing over the idea of doing it instead 

That’s also a problem.

You gotta get the real thing. You gotta see her, smell her, hear her, touch her. Maybe even taste her