I don't understand how to apply this guy's advice

[Preety_India]

So I was listening to this video which is a short video on how to stay calm when you're stressed. He says how we can be prepared for the worst and that will help us cope with future stressful situations. The problem is that this kind of thinking and expecting bad things for the future actually makes me even more stressed 

Is there another method to applying this technique? 

I understand the validity of his point yet it looks unpleasant to actually implement it. 

 

Edited February 21, 2022 by Preety_India

[r0ckyreed]

From what you describe, it sounds like the Stoic negative visualization technique.

Imagining the worst case scenario can help you prepare and have gratitude. 
 

Ex. I am stressed about talking to strangers or presenting in front of class. 
 

If you can be aware of the worst case scenario such as I will get laughed at or I will stutter or whatever, it helps you put your fear into perspective. 
 

What is really wrong with people laughing at you? What is really wrong with stuttering or failing your presentation or test? Is that really the worst case? The ultimate worst case scenario is death, which really isn’t a worst case scenario because it is gonna happen anyways.

Negative visualization helps you to focus on what you do have. If you can imagine what life would be like if you did not have something, it will help you appreciate it more.

If you are anxious or whatever, focus on the positives of what you do have. You can see (most blind people envy you for seeing), you can hear, you can think, you have opportunities to love, you are alive, etc.

When you put this into perspective of the example of having social anxiety, it becomes laughable. When you zoom out of your perspective and look at the world as a whole, you realize that everyone is insecure and stressed about something. You can be secure knowing that everyone is insecure.

When you confront your fear of death, everything else gets put into place. All other stresses and problems are seen as petty when you zoom out and think about how everyone has similar concerns as you, and they are not the worst case.

When you think about the “worst case scenarios,” it is important to look back at your current situation and have gratitude.
 

Ex. I imagine that I get into a car crash and lose my legs.

This thought helps me be more grateful for the fact that this moment has never happened. And I can enjoy my legs in the Now.

It is like the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. If you have not seen the movie, go watch it. When you think about what can go wrong, you also can know what can go right.

The real problem is the attitude and mindsets used to which we approach opportunities. Presenting in front of class is a test, getting in a car wreck and losing your legs is a test, losing your sight is a test. Life is always testing us.
 

We are not grateful for what we have until we lose it. You can bypass the losing part by imagining it so you can be grateful now.

Hope that helped.

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

Ex. I imagine that I get into a car crash and lose my legs.

This thought helps me be more grateful for the fact that this moment has never happened. And I can enjoy my legs in the Now.

If I actually thought that I'm going to be losing my legs in a car crash, I would never drive a car again.. You see what I mean? 

The mere thought that something bad might happen automatically induces stress. Although I get your "being grateful for what you got" point. 

But still I can't wrap my head around how I can exactly perceive the future as negative and still not be anxious. 

 

Edited February 21, 2022 by Preety_India

[Eph75]

@Preety_India

It would rather show up as, "what are likely things that would cause a crash?"

Possible causes: 

Fiddling with your cellphone while driving is one example of things that are likely to cause crashes, so we can be extra attuned to not using the phone in the car, using handsfree or turning you phone off while driving, especially if there's challenging traffic. 

Being in a hurry is another thing that is likely to cause the crash. We can focus on leaving well in time, and having plenty of time for unforeseen things to happen on the way to wherever you're going. 

If living in a snowy and icy climate, lack of traction and skidding into other traffic is often causing crashes, which allow us to checkup on our studded tyres, that they are in good quality, rubber is soft and plenty of studs left. 

Or weather in general, if the conditions are bad, we need to drive carefully, or even consider driving another day.

By visualizing the things that are likely to go wrong and cause a failure, one can be proactive with avoiding those scenarios by introducing healthy processes and attitudes that end up being preemptive.

It allows for building predefined strategies that help reducing risk of failure - to approach consequentialism in a rational way.

A premortem shouldn't be confused with worrying and catastrophic thinking, that's not helpful and typically end up in unlikely, far-fetched scenarios. 

So, focus fully on finding plausible causes to proactively prevent common failures eliminating real risks, not fantasies. 

Pure fantasies wouldn't show up in a premortem, as they are not plausible. 

 

Edited February 22, 2022 by Eph75

[Jacob Morres]

The way I do it is when I'm in a stressful situation and think of the worst case scenario and be okay with that, my stress goes away. Bc I've found peace with the worst thing, so there's no struggle with it anymore 

[r0ckyreed]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

If I actually thought that I'm going to be losing my legs in a car crash, I would never drive a car again.. You see what I mean? 

 

Go further.  Now, think about the worst case scenario of never driving a car again and never living your life without succumbing to fear.

Negative visualization helps us to prepare for the potential realities of adversity, and it also helps us to be grateful for what we have.  It is kind of like a nightmare.  You can think of dreams as "negative visualizations" that give us the simulation to face our fears.  Think of negative visualizations like that.  The first step to facing fear is imagining it to happen.  For instance, I had a dream that my sister died.  I experienced all the emotions of crying and grieving.  When I woke up, I still had my tears on my face, but the tears were of joy that it was "just a dream" and that I still have time with my sister.  I am grateful for the nightmares because they help me appreciate life more. 

EDIT: Thank you so much! You have helped me articulate better that the true worst case scenario is not death, but rather, it is living in fear and not living up to our potential.  Fear can be our prison or it can be our path to freedom.  The other side of fear lies our salvation.  Hell is fear/suffering and Heaven is Love/Peace.

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

The mere thought that something bad might happen automatically induces stress.

That's the point.  If we avoid and deny our suffering/fears, it makes it even more difficult to deal with in the moment when it is actually happening.  Remember, it is a simulation to face our fears.  

That is also another purpose of meditation.  It is to learn how to deal with suffering and fear and to overcome it and be in alignment with peace, love, and unity.

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

But still I can't wrap my head around how I can exactly perceive the future as negative and still not be anxious. 

You have to know how to use this exercise.  That's the thing.  This exercise is not about perceiving the future as negative.  It is about giving yourself a simulation to face and overcome your fears.  Having imagined the worst case, you are able to live your life for the best case.

After you imagine you failing at something, you are more prepared for the potential reality.  But the main flaw with this exercise is that most people stop at the worst case and dwell on that.  They then do not see beyond the worst case to what could be the best case.  The key is not to dwell on the negative but to deconstruct it and reframe it as a positive.  

Keep going further.

For me personally, when something bad happens, I try to view it as a way that the Universe is teaching me something about Love.  If something bad happens, I try to look for the lesson.  I typically do not do this negative visualization as much.  But I often use it when I am feeling stressed in the moment.  I just think about the fact that I am going to die and that it is better for me to live for Love and not to live in fear and be trapped in my own prison.  I would much rather die striving to live for my deepest Love and in alignment with my purpose than to live in fear, never living up to my full potential.

But in the end, we all work differently.  This exercise may not be beneficial to you.  If that is the case, then that is good because now you can move on, knowing that you have learned more about yourself in the process.

 You got this. <3 

Edited February 21, 2022 by r0ckyreed

[BipolarGrowth]

This seems to be a good way of creating unnecessary worry and anxiety. I would not recommend it. I think focusing on what’s good in the moment is a better approach as far as mental health goes. It’s helped me quite a bit. Dhammarato has a lot of videos on YouTube about wholesome thinking resulting in the lack of suffering. Supposedly, this is a large part of the basics that the Buddha taught to get out of suffering, at least according to someone who was a monk for 2-3 decades and is probably the happiest old man I’ve ever met. 

[Mu_]

On 2/21/2022 at 6:46 AM, Preety_India said:

So I was listening to this video which is a short video on how to stay calm when you're stressed. He says how we can be prepared for the worst and that will help us cope with future stressful situations. The problem is that this kind of thinking and expecting bad things for the future actually makes me even more stressed 

Is there another method to applying this technique? 

I understand the validity of his point yet it looks unpleasant to actually implement it. 

 

Ya, I wouldn't use it if it causes this much stress, there's an infinite amount of approaches out there, find one that clicks.  On a side note, this type of perspective has done wonders in my life, but again its not for everyone.  It may only work for those who have really accepted death and suffering as a normal part of life.

Death and suffering aren't bad parts of life, out of place, poorly designed or not supposed to be there.  It is what it is, it happens, doesn't necessarily feel great when it does, but that in of itself is not a bad thing.

[yetineti]

I think that imagining the worst case scenarios can be helpful, if you can handle it and then consequently prepare from it.

But I also understand that imagining yourself in a car accident might make you just less likely to drive instead of just becoming a more defensive driver.

So pick you limit. Maybe instead of imaging someone dying and how you would prepare or a car accident - pick the easiest thing.

Imagine a simple problem to over come instead of a big one.

Or just acknowledge that you’re still here, alive, and you’ve already been through what you’ve been through and you’ve made it!

Maybe you could just imagine all of the bad things you already been though and get some confidence from that.

Then you can start to work your way up to imagining more stressful things (with the intent to prepare/tolerate the stress better)

Work your way up.

PS, in the moment, when I’m stressed, I just try to think about anything but myself.

Works like a charm. I’ll put my attention on caring for others, fidgeting, etc. 

Anything that isn’t me. 

I keep the psychological work to it’s own time. When I get stressed or anxious in the moment, that isn’t necessarily the time to go doctor on myself.

Thats the time to use a classic ego distraction just to get through it so I came stay out of my own head.

When you’re in your head, that’s when the negativity builds. 

 

Edited February 22, 2022 by mw711