Opinions of you guys on marriage

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

You cannot be mixing marriage with relationships in this context. Relationship in and of itself doesn't forcefully hold a person down, you don't have to sign any contract to stay with someone for the rest of your life.

Noone can force you to stay in marriage too. You can leave even then, and it won't be the end of the world like it used to. Marriage is not guarantee that no cheating will be happening also.
 

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Marriage is pointless and pretty much absolete nowadays - and the only reasons why people keep getting married still, is due to them honouring traditions, financial reasons, and some sort of subtle illusion that having signed a piece of paper will get you and your partner to be more serious about the relationship - and less likely to cheat. Which is not the case.

I agree with your last comment. I don't believe married couples indeed think marriage will ensure that no cheating will be happening. It's such a naive way to think.
 

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

I just see it as a dying trend

Marriage will never not exist in my opinion.
Just like people thought books will be replaced with online e-books entirely, but as we can see it didn't. People still value books they can hold in hand.
Same with marriage. People see value in that too, and sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with respecting traditions or financial reasons.

It can just be "the next step" in someone's relationship. And for most people, it's the most magical and beautiful thing that helps a couple celebrate their love, almost like putting a crown on top of their already existing love. 

Edited February 22, 2022 by somegirl

[vizual]

@somegirl  Yeah some people will marry purely out of sentimental reasons. But if you aren't sensitive to that kind of stuff, marriage doesn't make sense. Just like some people really like to keep photographs and yearbooks from the past, while for other people that means nothing to them.

Really, marriage is just a 'story' you and your partner tell each other to make your relationship feel more 'special', And if you are sensitive to that, go ahead and marry.

Edited February 22, 2022 by vizual

[somegirl]

@vizual Sure.
But I don't understand those arguments that marriage is pointless. It is if you make it so.

I think some some people just say these type of stuff because it is cool and trendy thing to say (my opinion). It's become trendy to hate/not want to marry. If a girl/guy loves their partner, I don't understand why they wouldn't want to crown their love with marriage. Are they afraid of something happening? Are they afraid their freedom will be lost?

Edited February 22, 2022 by somegirl

[vizual]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

@vizual Sure.
But I don't understand those arguments that marriage is pointless. It is if you make it so.

I think some some people just say these type of stuff because it is cool and trendy thing to say (my opinion). It's become trendy to hate/not want to marry. If a girl/guy loves their partner, I don't understand why they wouldn't want to crown their love with marriage. Are they afraid of something happening? Are they afraid their freedom will be lost?

No it's not about being cool and trendy. I legit don't believe the concept of marriage would add something to my relationship. It's not about resisting getting married, it's about not seeing the point of doing so in the first place. I still respect other people getting married if they desire to do so.

[zazen]

Marriage offers woman security. While she gives birth / raises children and is unpaid in that process, in case of the man leaving her at a later point in life when its harder for her to get into another relationship due to looks declining and that older people have less options in general, she has a financial cushion to support her self. This all makes sense, but the the laws are a bit too far biased against men. Men just don't trust women of the modern world due to them having higher body counts, not being able to pair bond and stick around as easily, past ex's they can go back to, cheating almost as much as men and it being easier than ever with apps big cities and no stigma, no fault divorce where you can divorce just because you 'feel like it', divorce rates being high with women initiating most of them 70-80% of the time. Forget man, what human in their right mind would sign up for such a thing. 

 

A marriage ceremony is nice to have, but not legally being married. Even int he case of prenup it just starts the whole relationship in a awkward manner. 

Edited February 23, 2022 by zazen

[vizual]

@zazen  Yeah, in my opinion, if you can't trust your partner without a legal document saying that you are together. You should really consider if you want to be with that person in the first place, let alone have children with that person. This should be common sense.

[zazen]

2 hours ago, vizual said:

@zazen  Yeah, in my opinion, if you can't trust your partner without a legal document saying that you are together. You should really consider if you want to be with that person in the first place, let alone have children with that person. This should be common sense.

True, you could say the fact you need a legal document calls into question the trust of the relationship, yet society persists that if you don't commit on paper the trust isn't there. Marriage can also be seen as trust because in marriage your basically saying I trust you so much that I hand you the power to financially and emotionally destroy me. People say prenups kill the romance, but from another pov could say it shows that both parties aren't in it for monetary gain but for each other as people.

 

I guess it's all on how we view things but we can rationalise any relationship setup to be trusting ,valid, secure or not. We'r rationalising creatures more than we are rational lol. 

[SgtPepper]

22 hours ago, At awe said:

@SgtPepper May I ask couple of  questions? Can somebody commit to another  person without writing this on a piece of paper or saving it in a file somewhere? Does this paper mean more than a man’s word/action’s?Haven’t you met a loving father, who’s committed to his children while not being married to their mother? 

Just curious…

 

Why are you so bothered by writing your commitment on paper?

you'd surely journal and commit to your goals right? you'd commit to your values on paper right?

The reality is, the paper part is mostly for legal-social purposes. So that people can't just pretend to be husband/wives.

The official paper is the proof and commitment of the man's/women's words/actions. If you love your partner, you're not going to care about this at all honestly. You'll be too busy leading your household and life purpose because in your heart and mind, you're already committed. 

The paper is like a nice photo you took at your honey moon. 

----

The most loving father would be committed to his child and the mother of his child, and they'd stay as an active member in the home as best as they can. That's what a strong family looks like.

Let me ask you this, have you met a child of divorce? a child of a single mother's house hold? So much pain, so much pain.

 

19 hours ago, vizual said:

Really, marriage is just a 'story' you and your partner tell each other to make your relationship feel more 'special', And if you are sensitive to that, go ahead and marry.

Yeah, it's a beautiful story. 

 

Edited February 23, 2022 by SgtPepper

[zazen]

We live through stories, its our way of making sense of the world we find ourselves in and is what holds things, people, nations together. The story of nation, religion, marriage etc. People change and so can their story in marriages. Their story becomes I'm unhappy, or you grow apart from your partner and deserve better or are better off single with your own space/hobbies no one interferes in etc. People change with power, and in marriage power is generally transferred and in the hands of the woman. All is not fair in love and war. 

 

Committing on paper isn't just a piece of paper with ink on it. Its your emotional well being and financial assets on the line ie your survival needs going into another's hands partially. It not that simple, and in todays world people change faster, stories change, jobs change, ideas and perspectives change as we have access to much more than we did in the past. In the past we had consistency in things like where we lived, the people we grew up and would know for life, the occupation you had you'd have for life etc. Now the pace of change is fast, and the only certainty is uncertainty, and with that people also. 

 

Finally, you are with yourself. Committed relationships are beautiful, it can be the one constant narrative in your life despite so much change around you, and that shared history is beautiful to experience and has depth, but it does take work and comes with its own risks. 

Edited February 23, 2022 by zazen

[SgtPepper]

I agree @zazen. I think that is an excellent observation you made.

I think we all view marriages and relationships differently due to our upbringings and past relationships. 

[roopepa]

Well yeah, the institutional marriage is in a sense outdated. Though I want to get married in a personal way, I'd like to have a ceremony and some kind of ritual as a meaningful expression of love & a shared life and future.

[Tudo]

3 hours ago, roopepa said:

Well yeah, the institutional marriage is in a sense outdated. Though I want to get married in a personal way, I'd like to have a ceremony and some kind of ritual as a meaningful expression of love & a shared life and future.

Interesting. I think the same.

[Raze]

If you are a man and you get married in the west you are extremely stupid, unless:

- your wife makes as much or more than you and will continue too

-you were in a relationship for at least 4 years prior and it was seriously tested in stressful situations

-you studied how to make relationships work from good sources or a counselor 

-you are a very ethical moral person and did extreme strict screening of your wife and that she matches your values

-you got a prenup 

[Arcangelo]

On 2/20/2022 at 6:07 PM, Roy said:

I also agree marriage is incredibly overrated and the cons outweigh the pros (for men), I don't need the gubberment to validate how committed I am to my partner.

good to see redpilled mods.

[Reciprocality]

Marriage is like ten things. Here are some.

IT is a ceremony with or without familiy and friends.

It is sacred oaths that transcend both the time in which they occurs in history and the time in which they occurs in a couple's life. 

It is a religious act, and a secular one.

It has economical implications, it is typically subject to a law.

It is romance and love, yet so very inessentially so.

 

There really is not much to say about it other then reflections on what it comes from and theories on what its societal implications are in the time to come, except reflections on what it would mean to you in your private life as something with minimal bearing on its general meaning.

It is virtually insane to say for example that marriage is in general not a good idea. (that is if it were supposed to mean something).

Edited February 24, 2022 by Reciprocality

[zazen]

How does a man tell a woman he doesn't believe in legal marriage as its unfair or bias against men. Most women won't take you seriously ? And it calls into question your trust in your partner.. its a tricky situation yet a lot of people are having kids and partnering without it now days also. 

[Roy]

6 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

good to see redpilled mods.

I assure you I came to my own perspective without redpill lol. Besides I'm not even 100% against it, I'm just more leaning towards not for my own personal life.

I don't care what other people want to do.

[kamwalker]

Too risky for myself as a man. People go through many changes in life and I dont want to lock myself into something I can’t easily get out of 

[At awe]

On 23/02/2022 at 5:49 PM, SgtPepper said:

Why are you so bothered by writing your commitment on paper?

you'd surely journal and commit to your goals right? you'd commit to your values on paper right?

The reality is, the paper part is mostly for legal-social purposes. So that people can't just pretend to be husband/wives.

The official paper is the proof and commitment of the man's/women's words/actions. If you love your partner, you're not going to care about this at all honestly. You'll be too busy leading your household and life purpose because in your heart and mind, you're already committed. 

The paper is like a nice photo you took at your honey moon. 

----

The most loving father would be committed to his child and the mother of his child, and they'd stay as an active member in the home as best as they can. That's what a strong family looks like.

Let me ask you this, have you met a child of divorce? a child of a single mother's house hold? So much pain, so much pain.

 

Yeah, it's a beautiful story. 

 

I’m not bothered, I’m curious to why people actively choose to see things one way or another. And the justifications.

So the question really is: who are we trying to convince while trying to convince others? 

 

[Spiral]

Staying with someone because it’s inconvenient and costly to get divorced is the one if the worst reasons. Make it easy and convenient, if they stay you’ve got something good.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Spiral