Opinions of you guys on marriage

[Tudo]

I Just came to the conclusion that marriage is overated and a burden.

Edited February 20, 2022 by Tudo

[Ulax]

Why?

[Tudo]

@Ulax this is outdated. Two people that really love one another dosen't need this kind of bullshit. Being in love and connected to another person is a state of being and not some bullshit you put on a paper or a nonsense formality.

Edited February 21, 2022 by Tudo

[Roy]

I also agree marriage is incredibly overrated and the cons outweigh the pros (for men), I don't need the gubberment to validate how committed I am to my partner.

[Terell Kirby]

Depends on who you ask. There are many happy / fulfilling marriages .. as well as many miserable ones.

Be careful that you are not projecting upon marriage because of past or lingering trauma you have had in your personal life. That could result in you missing opportunities to develop an awesome romantic relationship with a significant other.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Actually, Fredrich Engels wrote a pretty good essay about how marriage was a rather recent, and unnatural phenomenon.

Marriage is pretty much a strategy of imprisonment and enslavement by the society.

[Ulax]

@Tudo I understand there are a lot of things many will dislike. There are also some benefits.

You say formality, another says ritual. The commitment to marriage is a ritual that can provide security, trust, and strength to the relationship and those in the relationship. For example, I believe people tend to be less likely to walk away from a marriage, which means they are more likely to put more work into fixing their relationship than simply moving on, giving the relationship more of a chance to thrive.

Stage blue is important.

[Yarco]

Marriage has some benefits.

Tax benefits of course.

If you got married young and decided to be a housewife (or househusband) and never went to post-secondary education or got a job because of it, then you have nothing on your resume and no job experience if you get divorced and need to start working. Spousal support / alimony protects you in that regard. If you split you're entitled to half the stuff, even if you made non-monetary contributions over the course of the marriage, like cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids. If one of you dies and you don't have a will, the stuff automatically goes to the spouse instead of ending up in legal limbo for a long time.

Basically marriage has a bunch of legal and social protections built in that might not be immediately apparent. It's more than just a piece of paper. As much as guys (especially divorced MGTOW guys who have been burned) will complain about alimony and child support and the courts being unfair to men, it's a pretty good system overall.

Overall I agree it's pretty overrated though. If I'm honest with myself, the main reason I got married is probably not to be alone when I'm older. So when you're dying in the hospital someone is there to hold your hand, or someone is there to call 911 when you have a heart attack. I guess you could accomplish the same thing with a really good friend who is a life-long roommate, although even when you're in the hospital, there is special visitation privileges for only spouses usually. Plus after being with someone for so long, just being alone in a home and especially going to bed alone at night is weird and a bit spooky.

That being said, don't settle into marriage (or relationships in general really) from a place of scarcity to lock something in because you think you'll never be able to find a replacement or something better. I definitely wish I had more casual sex and relationships when I was younger before settling down into a committed relationship, those sex-ed lessons are traumatic though and will make you think you'll simultaneously get someone pregnant and catch AIDs the very first time you have sex.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

 

[aurum]

I have mixed feelings about it myself. On the one hand, I definitely want that committed, deep relationship. On the other, that doesn’t necessarily require legal documents. On the other, other hand, those legal documents may actually help support the commitment.

My guess is I’ll have to wait until I’m in the relationship to really decide.

[Preety_India]

Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world. 

[At awe]

What bothers me somewhat is that even in a developed country like Sweden the married and unmarried couples are treated differently. 

[Tim R]

If people want to express their commitment to the relationship by getting married, I say Amen to that. This is striktly speaking from a culutrally Western point of view. The concept of "marriage" means different things to different cultures, so it's not possible to answer this question without cultural context.

[At awe]

@Tim R But marriage doesn’t mean commitment per se. It can mean commitment for specific persons. It cannot be a tool for a government to measure the seriousness of the relationship. 

[zazen]

Quoted

''

If a man is to marry, there is reasonable fear the fresh legal supremacy his woman enjoys will disrupt the balance of power that previously maintained their relationship. The informed man is all too aware the legal privilege of the modern wife can be used to force him into domestic servitude, and that legally speaking, the marriage hangs on a thread tied to a hovering sword that follows him wherever he goes.

From the moment he has said “I do”, a dangling sword of Damocles stalks him, scrutinising his every action, primed to strike. Too many mistakes, and the sword falls, divorce initiated, financial and emotional chaos wrought.

Now of course there is an imbecilic, ignorant argument to be made that “not all women are like that“, and indeed this is true, not all women will whimsically detonate a divorce bomb. And yet a wise man in his prudence must ask himself “is my woman like that?” and then follow up this question with “if my woman is not like that, what is the likelihood she could become like that?” to which the answer in all earnestness is a most pertinent “easily”.

If too much comfort is indulged, if too much is neglected or too much left to chance – the ruination of marital union is all but a certainty. A marriage is like a car hanging off a cliff, it requires the man driving to accelerate now and again to ensure the car does not tilt and fall into the ocean below. Just as it was in courting, in marriage the burden of performance is man’s to bear.

If man fails in his capacity as husband, or is at least perceived to have failed, he loses everything, by contrast if his woman is an abysmal failure of a wife, she gets a pay day and a fresh chance. In today’s society a woman’s marriage risk is minimal, and of course, this comes at the expense of man’s being astronomical. Women do not fear marriage because they have no reason to, men do because they have every reason to.

A marriage’s odds of success are merely improved, but still mightily unfavourable for man even when the potential wife is of considerable quality. And so although it is not impossible to become a patriarch, it is a dangerous affair regardless of who is involved. This danger is neither explicitly the man nor the woman involved’s fault, but rather, the fault of a judicial system that makes marriage so costly to men.

The success of a marriage is of course dependent solely on the parties involved, but what was once merely a monumental investment on the part of man has been perverted by the misandry of feminism into a monumental gamble. A sensible man is not a gambling man, he does not wager half his assets and his emotional stability on the odds of a woman’s whim remaining pretty. No matter who is involved, this aspect remains the same: a man has no assurances nor protection from the state, in a worst case scenario, the woman is protected and the man is left to rot. Idiots will marry blindly and gamblers will marry brazenly, whilst sensible men will abstain and the intelligent romantically delay.''

 

''The salvation of a crumbling civilization, the very thing it needs to persist and replenish itself morally, intellectually and socially is the very thing that has been poisoned to disincentivise man, the family. Deprive a nation of the nuclear family, and eventually, you deprive a nation of its very existence.

And it is the poisoning of women by feminism in tandem with the hostility of family law that is encouraging men to embrace the playboy lifestyle in record numbers, in an accelerating social breakdown, cocaine, whiskey and hookers can seem like a smart choice to the live hard opportunist.

We cannot blame the men who shy away from their responsibility as men, Christians, or whatever, for not indulging the burden of patriarchy when said burden has been contorted to ensure man’s life will almost certainly become a living hell should he be anything but perfect.

When men conduct a cost-benefit analysis of the potential for marriage, and rightfully deduce the chance of success is not in their favour, and that a painless exit is all but unattainable, we cannot blame their aversion. It is easy to mount the entirety of blame on men, and accuse them of immaturity and commitment phobia. But I believe many men are, at heart, family men. They are socially smart for avoiding marriage, but evolutionarily dumb for not reproducing. Many things in life are a trade-off, and this is by far one of the greatest a man will ever contemplate.''

[somegirl]

@Tudo Yes... Very "trendy" and popular to say that marriages are overrated and pointless these past few years.

Then in that case, relationships are pointless, family institutions are pointless. Society you chose to live in is pointless. 

Everything is fundamentally pointless and outdated. But we still choose to play this game called life.

 

Edited February 22, 2022 by somegirl

[SgtPepper]

It's not, if you want a family. 

It doesn't serve a woman to have a baby with a man who doesn't choose to commit to her. If you cannot even commit to being her partner, how can you commit to being a father? and vice versa.

The righteous thing to do, that leads to the highest quality of happiness for a child is to have both parents in the home and for the parents' love for each other to be exceptional.

There's also other benefits that you get from the commitment just as you would when you commit to anything.

Edited February 22, 2022 by SgtPepper

[At awe]

@SgtPepper May I ask couple of  questions? Can somebody commit to another  person without writing this on a piece of paper or saving it in a file somewhere? Does this paper mean more than a man’s word/action’s?Haven’t you met a loving father, who’s committed to his children while not being married to their mother? 

Just curious…

 

[vizual]

Legal marriage is bullshit, but committed relationships are as relevant as ever. But people are scared that their partners will dump them if they don't have financial and legal skin in the game. And, of course, there's the traditional peer pressure of having to get married or else your aren't a 'real man'. That kind of crap.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

https://www.osho.com/highlights-of-oshos-world/osho-on-marriage-quotes