Never had a girlfriend and losing all hope

[siasatmadar]

I'm an average-looking 24y guy with my shit together (education, hobbies, job, in average shape). My social skills are fine and I have close friends whom I meet regularly.

I asked out around maybe 20 girls in the last year from my social circle and on campus but most of them either rejected me or had boyfriend. I dated one girl from social circle and ended up being friend zoned.

I'm doing daygame by going to city center and trying to talk with solo girls. I already did around 40 approaches. I know that my sticking point is to carry on the conversation and keep talking. I tend to eject quickly because I still don't feel good about approaching. Deep down I feel it's an awkward thing and maybe I'm doing a morally wrong thing, wasting their time, or annoying them. So far I had 6 numbers and 1 date which was unsuccessful.

I didn't have any girlfriend in my life and I am ashamed of that. Now I'm developing a feeling of not being attractive to any pretty girl. Whenever I see a hot girl, my mind tells me that they are not for you, other cool guys are fucking them while you're sleeping alone in your bed. It's not that I'm sitting in home all the time. I go out a lot but mostly with the same people whom I know for long. There is no single girl in my social circle by the way.

I'm losing all my hopes for finding a girlfriend to the point that sometimes I rather to kill myself than to live a life without love. I have close friends who literally told me they like me but it doesn't have effect on the way I feel about myself. I need to hear that from a girl I like.

Any advice or support is appreciated.

 

 

Edited February 20, 2022 by siasatmadar

[Gili Trawangan]

20 minutes ago, siasatmadar said:

I'm doing daygame by going to city center and trying to talk with solo girls. I already did around 40 approaches. I know that my sticking point is to carry on the conversation and keep talking.

This is a good start, but 40 is almost nothing... 40 is hardly enough to get past approach anxiety. Keep approaching and work on your sticking points. 

Daygame takes a while to get good at. But when it happens, voila, abundance.

[siasatmadar]

11 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

40 is hardly enough to get past approach anxiety. Keep approaching and work on your sticking points. 

I'm planning to do ~500 before quitting. Other than reduced AA compared to first few approaches, I can't see much progress so far. I'll keep doing it. Thanks!

[Gili Trawangan]

13 minutes ago, siasatmadar said:

I'm planning to do ~500 before quitting.

If you ask me, this is not the proper mindset... you shouldn't be thinking about quitting, you should be thinking about getting really good at it and about all the results you'll get.

[Raptorsin7]

@siasatmadar https://www.johnelitedating.com/

This guy is an excellent pua coach. If you can handle his approach and listen to his advice you will get laid.

[Nahm]

To change the way you’re thinking & thus feeling, is to change your vibration, and thus, what you’re attracting. 

Same old story rings of same old vibration, thus same old attracted if you will. 

New story, new vibration, new attracted. 

What’s desired is already attracted. 

The difference is in receiving it, which is understanding emotion / receiving the guidance. 

This is not continuing to believe how you feel & what is experienced, is because of ‘how I am’, or because of someone else. 

 

[Roy]

A brutal pill you will have to tackle is it mostly being a numbers game. Out of 100 girls you approach you might get 20 numbers, out of those 10 numbers you will get 5 dates, out of those 5 dates 1-2 of them will want to see you again and give you a chance for a relationship.

Most people just aren't compatible with each other. You might have sex and do fine in the early stages, but a lot of times it probably won't work past that. Just getting laid is a lot easier than getting laid AND having something stick around.

Another thing is being realistic with your standards. The pick-up community tends to preach a delusion about the quality of girls you should do the work on. It's great for building confidence and to have high standards, but you're going to stack the odds against you and severely limit results if you start your journey only going for women out of your league. And even if you get laid you won't be able to hold onto them, which is what you say you want (girlfriend).

If you are only going for hot women, don't be surprised when they filter you out among the tons of competition you're facing. You might just not be in the top % of guys yet, that's ok. It takes a long time to develop. In the meantime be honest about where your standards are and don't be too picky.

The key to getting a girlfriend is having an interesting life where you are consistently engaged in hobbies, you want to advertise to them "Hey, I'm doing this cool stuff constantly. You're invited to experience it with me if you want." But send that message in a way where you don't need them to come along.

Don't feel like an oddball because of your age, I didn't have my first "proper" girlfriend until I was 25, and that part of my life has exploded since then.