Self help advices/techniques

[Yoremo]

So, been trying to do self help for a while. I am now beginning to see a pattern— nothing fucking works!

So, I am not here to welcome you to my pity party. Because I feel that I am missing something still, or that I don´t get it. I am hopeful about some things right now but other things haven´t worked out for me so I am kind of trying to find this out for later "studies".

So it´s weird for me because self help advice has never resonated, I feel depressed now so that might contribute, but even when I was feeling good I was struggling. And as you know there is more advice than you could ever go through. And I don´t intend to. But what might I be doing wrong/what am I not understanding about this? 

Do I need a life purpose and some kind of grounding for it to work?

If not, then how do you source out a good source of advice from bad advice? The advice given are so contradictory, and it ain´t easier by brainless people saying that it changed their life. Like it says that on every self help book.— Then my thought is: maybe I am having a bad attitude towards this? Maybe I am not persistent enough and consistent enough?

I want to be happy, that´s what I´m being a bitch about. And last when I was consistently happy was when I had purpose (atleast some) and when my body wasn´t injured. And these two things both are important, but they are not relevant to this. Because still then I was insecure and stupid. I couldn´t implement any self help then either.

Another thought— is self help only helpful by providing techniques? Like for an example, I read six pillars of self esteem, and people have loved it but the only thing I implemented was the sentence completions. Other than that that book was like a long description of the word self esteem, I can´t see how people can use that to improve their life!! Like yes NB explained what self esteem is characterized by, but intuitively all humans know this. "be confident"- thank you.

I don´t know if I am trying to fuck up all the advice given. Like am I that traumatized that my mind is unable to see possibilities of change because I am so fucked up? I don´t really see myself as that fucked up but maybe I am. I do have incredible mood swings. The only "advice" I have been able to internalize for a while in the past has been to forcefully be disciplined and to act confident. Not even practical advice is working, it´s like I am defying all biology, logic and physics for the detriment of myself.

[Nahm]

32 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

But what might I be doing wrong/what am I not understanding about this? 

Not doing anything wrong at all. Depression isn’t feeling or an emotion, it’s discordant conceptualization (with momentum). That’s not to say or imply anyone’s experience isn’t valid, just that the story one repeats about oneself is just thought attachment. There is meditation for that. It works by not working or fixing anything at all. Just letting thought activity settle. 

32 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

Do I need a life purpose and some kind of grounding for it to work?

No. Life is inherently the purpose, and grounding is for grounding, not ‘for it to work’, because there isn’t anything wrong with you already… just a believing of thoughts that there is. 

32 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

If not, then how do you source out a good source of advice from bad advice?

You can’t ‘source out’. Listen to source, aka emotional guidance. Care less about judgement (good & bad) and more about how you feel. Nothing’s going to come along and change everything for you. 

32 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

maybe I am having a bad attitude towards this? Maybe I am not persistent enough and consistent enough?

Relax & let go more. Notice when you’re focused on thoughts about yourself, and use the scale instead. 

32 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

I want to be happy, that´s what I´m being a bitch about

Imagine the empty sky wanting to be the empty sky, and then instead allowing clouds to freely come & go. 

Make a dreamboard. 

[Kamo]

I can relate to what your saying, been doing self help for at least 8 years myself and It truly is highly dependent upon attitude. Also there are 2 fundamental concepts in your mind that your working with. There's the conceptualization of your current experience, and the "outcome" perception. In other words the conception that you think your trying to "Get to" or experience. Basically your seeking a change in the "Quality" of your life. You want your quality to feel more pleasant. You want to "feel" better than you do, Content, Happiness. Maybe even as a child. If you had a good childhood you remember the quality felt better, more vibrant, secure, worry free. If you had not had a good childhood then still your seeking to feel the vibrancy of life, the energy, security, worry, stress free mentality, feel loved and respected by others. So your doing self help to achieve that. Establishing an understanding of what your really after needs to come first, which it seems like you get that but stay mindful that remains as an idea until you actualize it so your chasing more thoughts. Understanding your limiting beliefs about yourself such as too traumatized, or your too fucked up are also thoughts. Your aware of your victim mentality so you know thats exactly all that is. You know this. Its just your thoughts that accompany how your feeling about it make you believe it more. You know how the emotions and the thoughts create these cycles that reinforce itself and create more of the same. Observe this process and begin to disagree with it. Just cancel it out. This is not denial it is seeing it for what it is, Its an "unwanted intrusive thought" and you can see its falsehood. You have to shift your attitude you have to your own thoughts, You want to relate to your thoughts a different way. Mainly the "Unwanted intrusive thoughts" These are the thoughts with the quality of the ones you mentioned in your last paragraph, the ones that dont feel productive, useful, helpful, encouraging. The kind that cause your disturbance and stress. This can be done by practicing a way to relate to your thoughts, it will help you break the habit you have towards them. You do want to have goals and intentions of fulfilling your life purpose, keeping on track with doing things that do bring you joy will impact how you feel, it is only your thoughts that get in the way of this. A practice is as follows that you run on your awareness of your thinking. When intrusive thoughts arise you can remember this acronym: (R.J.A.F.L.)

Recognize-Observe yourself experience such thoughts. Notice the quality of them. They are clear and obvious to you that they are not pleasant.

Just thoughts-Label as just thought or intrusive thought. Youll get better at distinguishing the quality of each thought as you practice observation and recognition.

Accept and Allow-Let the thoughts be in your mind with out resisting them, but dont take them serious, Dont let your mind go down a rabbit hole of exploring the thoughts.

Float and Feel-Observe the distinction between thinking and awareness, stay with awareness as the thoughts pass. Your noticing the thoughts are there but your mindful of yourself as experiencing the thoughts and know they are only temporary thoughts let yourself feel them till they pass.

Let time Pass-Let the thoughts pass and go back to what you were doing before the thoughts arose. Such as staying on your goals and passions. 

Youll have to recycle this process as many times as it takes till the thoughts loose their hold over you. Practice deep breathing during this helps as well.

This process is a way for you to begin relating differently to your mind and helps to establish more balance in your emotions that keep you from getting dragged down by the unwanted thoughts. This WILL take TIME so you gotta be patient and consistent with it as your learning to relate to the content of your mind in a different way. This has been the most practical and direct advice ive come across in my 8 years of doing this kind of work and I hope it helps you in the same way as it has helped me. I got it from a book called "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" and I been able to apply it to my experience of life with direct beneficial results. Nothing is a cure all or immediate fix but something like this seems to be just enough of a shift to be practically helpful.