Is healing from trauma even possible?

[melontonin]

ITT I wanted to hear from people who've actually healed from their trauma and coping mechanisms successfully because sometimes I lose hope it's even possible. I've been using trauma healing methods like IFS therapy, Teal Swan's completion process, inner-child work, etc for the past year and a half and there are points where I definitely feel like I'm making progress. But sometimes I fall into complete despair about the whole idea of healing cos I can see how my trauma and coping mechanisms are sabotaging my life and it's so frustrating.

I'm 21 and my addictions used to be drugs and smoking, now it's binge eating. My trauma mainly comes from my upbringing and a really aggressive, volatile and sometimes physically violent father among other things so clearly it's clearly very deeply ingrained from when I was a kid. I don't feel comfortable or safe around anyone else cos I feel like they could just turn on me at any moment. The most painful things have come from the way that's made me act in the world though rather than that itself - freeze responses in situations when I knew I needed to act so being torn apart by the shame and embarrassment that's left me with. I want to be going out having sex while I'm at uni as well but the binge eating and social anxiety mean I don't have the confidence to.

Does anyone have any stories of them having serious trauma and genuinely healing from it? Would help me a lot keep hope.

 

[Tristan12]

I know for a fact its possible. Your best bet out of what you listed for genuine healing is Teal's completion process. It's funny that you say you've been working on it for that long because that means you haven't gotten the depth of healing her process is intended for (which is something I have suspected for a lot of people). If her process was done properly it would trigger a huge emotional release, you would feel through all of your pain and you would be permanently healed. That's the intention behind that process. 

[Cathal]

I know what you mean when you talk about your father and your hypervigilance

There is an important thing to understand here though...

You cannot every heal your way out of social anxiety by being alone in your home doing work on yourself, involving yourself in life and situations where you can face your fear and realese yourself IS detachment and detachment is the healing process. The endless hyper awareness of percieved threats is because you are attuned to unpredictability (does that resonate?)

I've done a lot of shit too and felt hopeless but in terms of what you wrote in my experience, that through seeing yourself truly as an innocent being you develop this deep compassion for yourself and all others including your father, and through this compassion and understanding you begin to love unconditionally and that casts out the fears in your mind that endlessly come into your awareness when interacting with people

You have to try at least, put the effort in to go out sometimes and SHOW yourself, rewire your mind, create new pathways by being in the company of others and allowing yourself to vulnerable that it's like you are showing your body that ah yes, now it's safe, we can calm down now...

I hope you meet the right people. If it's unbearable then the best advice would be to get involved in a group therapy where you can begin to open up and express your pain and it will feel very realesing and freeing, but this is all me projecting so yeah, don't worry about coping mechanisms and whatever just keep your eyes on going forward even if you need to cope time to time, don't give up. 

The healing journey is some sticky blood magic work, the love and warmth pops in during the states of agony and sadness

[Loba]

Try Richard Grannon's fortress therapy course.  I used some of it, I didn't stick with it but it did help a bit.  For me, the main problem is sticking to something to see if it would work, so I'm not the best person to discuss actual healing with, as I still have a ways to go - but am getting better!  And feel hopeful.  See if what he says resonates and go from there, if not, there are plenty of people on YouTube offering advice for healing from trauma, but to be honest, it will be a lifelong journey to heal, there is only a road, no destination.

 

Edited February 19, 2022 by Loba

[Nahm]

Yes! Totally possible. 

Try this diet wise. 

And this presence wise. 

Shadow work is the Gift. ?

[Breakingthewall]

Well, think of your problem as a very common one: an idiotic narcissistic parent who makes your life an obstacle course that seems impossible to solve. what you have to do, in my experience, is run that race. How? Well, with effort, determination and intuition. get out of your comfort zone as much as possible, gain self-confidence, cultivate understanding, meditate, know yourself. If you need to climb walls of 300 meters, compete in boxing, do it. whatever you notice touches your core of insecurity, of fear.   you have been built in a way and that way is not optimal, it hinders your life, relationships, everything. you have to rebuild yourself. This is hard work, titanic I would say. don't take the challenge lightly

 when you have done the work, you can turn inward and go beyond yourself. Meanwhile, you will be trapped. It is like a game. you have to complete it or your life will be miserable. just my point of view, there are probably cleaner roads, but I don't know them 

on the other hand, there are cases like eckart tolle, who were mentally screwed up, with a crooked life, a succession of traumas, who were freed in one day. I understand how it can happen, but I don't know how it can be caused

Edited February 20, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[melontonin]

 

@Tristan12 Yeah it has seemed like the most direct form, I imagine like anything it's just a skill I'm going to have to develop though. I think as well just getting to a point where escaping and distracting myself when the emotion gets intense isn't the path of least resistance anymore. Still now when it starts to get intense a lot of the time I'll end up just going and eating food but I'm telling myself that I have to go through the process of doing that over and over and it just making me feel worse for me to genuinely feel and know that doing that is causing me more harm than good. Clearly right now I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't think it was causing me less pain.

@catcat69123

Unpredictability is definitely the word. It's like I'm talking to people and there's always this conceptual filter for everything I'm saying of "what if I say this and this person becomes aggressive or violent towards me". It just means I end up being inauthentic most of the time around people which is probably one of the most annoying aspects - watching myself talking to people in ways that I'd never authentically talk to people. But yeah you're definitely right, relational trauma isn't gonna get healed other than in relationships, I've accepted that. Went to a party last night and I've set the intention of taking every opportunity to socialise I get - especially while I'm at uni cos there are so many opportunities.

Doing the inner-child work has helped me have more compassion for myself as well cos I can see how when I act in maladaptive ways like letting people talk to me like shit without saying anything back, it's this traumatised younger version myself taking over that thinks if I fight back I'll get physically attacked. If I'm honest it's been the fear of that happening again that's stopped me socialising more than anything because you can imagine how those kinds of experiences have destroyed my self-esteem. But yeah, that's why it's gonna take socialising AND trauma work to really sort it out. Thanks a lot for your reply

@Loba Yeah, I relate entirely with what you're saying about not sticking to specific methodologies. I think it's really one of the downsides of living in this era where you have access to everything and just having the fear that you'll end up wasting your time with one that doesn't work. I'll check those vids out though, thanks a lot

 

@Nahm That emotional guidance scale is fascinating, I've never seen that before. Thanks for linking 

 

@Breakingthewall  Yeah it's a massive challenge but there's not even really a choice. I'm either gonna grow and heal or I'm gonna end up killing myself, I don't see any other turn of events other than an eckhart tolle scenario like you're saying. It's funny as well because one of the lies and rationalisations i'll say to myself when I'm in escapism mode is that even if i'm not growing it'll get to a point of such pain that I'll surrender. And maybe that's true but there's no guarantee obviously, if that was a guarantee no one would kill themselves. Plus even if that was the case he went through HELL to get to the point of surrendering so it's not exactly the best option.

[AuroraDream]

mdma therapy completely changed my relationship to my trauma, and has helped me so much

[melontonin]

@AuroraDream I abused MDMA from age 17-20 so I don't know if it'd be effective or advisable for me now. I've been trying to sign up to some psychedelic therapies though.

[AuroraDream]

@melontonin thats totally fair thanks for sharing. how were your experiences with mdma?

[Breakingthewall]

in case it helps, 5 meo has helped me a lot. not to see that I am a god or anything like that, it has been to disintegrate my ego and see how it rebuilds itself over and over again. makes you understand what you are. Mushrooms have also helped me, they take you to where your block is and you face it

[OBEler]

I just say psychedelica in General. 

5 meo, lsd, shrooms, (Mdma) etc all have their value

Stay away from drugs other than psychedelica

[Ulax]

Do you feel safe?

[melontonin]

@AuroraDream It showed me love I didn't know was even possible at the time and in that respect at least was exactly what I needed. It coincided with my first real relationship as well with someone who was equally as in pain as me so we just ended up doing it all the time. I don't know if the amounts of it you do in therapy give you the feelings of love you get off higher doses but if they do you can imagine how beautiful it was doing it with my first girlfriend after going through so much suffering. That's obviously not to say that the way I was doing it was healthy at all because it wasn't and I wish I hadn't in terms of the neurotoxic effects. But at the same time it'd be untrue to say it was altogether bad. It's a life-changing thing to experience those levels of love and only something that's been surpassed for me by the mystical experiences I've had on LSD.

 @Breakingthewall That's interesting, I remember Leo talking about how it can force you to go through a lot of your emotional work but I didn't realise that extended to stuff that wasn't related to Enlightenment. I have done it twice but didn't get anything meaningful from it mainly because I wasn't mature enough at the time.

@Ulax I don't ever feel at ease around other people to the extent of letting my guard down. There's always anxiety there. I've been going out a lot more recently and socialising though because I feel the intuitive truth of the point that "relational trauma can only be healed in relationships." It's clearly gonna have to be done in combination with trauma work though specifically focused on the fact that I always feel like something I say could just trigger anger and violence from the person I'm speaking to.

[AuroraDream]

21 minutes ago, melontonin said:

@AuroraDream It showed me love I didn't know was even possible at the time

wow that's amazing. yes that feeling is very therapeutic. for me its just like this "wow this is amazing! Yes!" feeling, "wow so grateful for this" and this feeling is where its therapeutic cause i can genuinely say, "thank you darkness! youre so beatiful! thank you for being there!" and thats where my perspective shifted on trauma. my trauma and darkness isn't something to overcome or get rid of, its a part of me. a misunderstood part of me, so i dont have to get rid of it or try to release it. i can love it and understand it, then its no longer trauma, just a part of me that wasnt loved. now in my opinion, toxic energy and trauma is just misunderstood, unheard energy  it just wants to be understood, but its also not a rush, you dont have to understand or look at anything you dont want to - this was a big part of my realizations, thats why i view trauma completely differently now. having insights on mdma is also amazing, because the feeling isn't designed to push you anywhere youre not comfortable, so youre able to look at things youre ready for, "wow thats how that works! wow!" and thats where the therapy happens.

 

ive only done it twice, and the doses ive done were full ones, like common dose, 120mg range ish. and very pure stuff.  

 

also the feeling for me it was like entering heaven, but that wasn't comfortable for me, its like I kinda died and entered heaven and it wasn't something i super loved or anything, but saw it to be beautiful, but after that passed it was very cozy and ecstacy like my first time. 

 

23 minutes ago, melontonin said:

@AuroraDreamThat's obviously not to say that the way I was doing it was healthy at all because it wasn't and I wish I hadn't in terms of the neurotoxic effects. But at the same time it'd be untrue to say it was altogether bad. 

 

yep its definitely a once in a while type thing! i think doing it a few times a year is very healthy and necessary, at least for myself. also using it with therapy reduces the chance for comedown depression which i had absolutely none of! 

[Ulax]

Firstly, dude I wanna say respect for all the work you have put in. I understand it was probably really frustrating to have not got the promised results from those modalities. Also, it sounds like you're being smart about your issues, and looking for identity level change.

Secondly, I haven't recovered from my traumas as yet. However, I have some things that have helped me along the way. Two in particularly. One is a coping mechanism that makes socialising much easier, and the other other is a lifestyle change that has helped. However, I want to respect the fact you didn't ask for advice, so I'll only elaborate on them, if you want me too. 

[melontonin]

 

@AuroraDream

1 hour ago, AuroraDream said:

my trauma and darkness isn't something to overcome or get rid of, its a part of me. a misunderstood part of me, so i dont have to get rid of it or try to release it. i can love it and understand it, then its no longer trauma, just a part of me that wasnt loved. now in my opinion, toxic energy and trauma is just misunderstood, unheard energy

That sounds like a life-changing, paradigm-shifting insight. Rationally I completely agree with what you're saying and I've heard similar in the past but I don't feel it and that's what counts. I'll contemplate it though to see what parts of me disagree with what you're saying because if I genuinely felt had that orientation to my trauma that'd be a game-changer. Thanks a lot for sharing that.

1 hour ago, AuroraDream said:

yep its definitely a once in a while type thing! i think doing it a few times a year is very healthy and necessary, at least for myself. also using it with therapy reduces the chance for comedown depression which i had absolutely none of! 

 Yeah sadly my mental state at the time meant I wasn't sensible with doses which has just fucked it for me in terms of doing it now. I'm not sure where you're from but in the UK we get high-dosed pills (200mg-300mg) and I'd do 3-5 in a night. Just makes me feel ill now, especially if i was doing 120mg. Oh well, there's a whole world of psychedelics out there and that's mainly what I've been doing for the last couple of years since I stopped MD.

 

@Ulax  Thanks a lot for your message. Yeah, it's intuitively obvious to me that anything but root-level, identity change isn't a real solution but there can be things that aren't but which are still helpful. And yeah I'd really appreciate hearing any advice or methods you've got.

Edited February 21, 2022 by melontonin
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[AuroraDream]

39 minutes ago, melontonin said:

@AuroraDream

That sounds like a life-changing, paradigm-shifting insight. 

mdma can be surprisingly deep! haha. its not just "oh wow im so happy"  

39 minutes ago, melontonin said:

Rationally I completely agree with what you're saying and I've heard similar in the past but I don't feel it and that's what counts. 

Thats totally fair, and you know im starting to learn that i have to be careful with sharing things and my own insights, because something else i learned is that: trying to get someone to understand something isnt the way to go for me, 

we are all at different levels of understanding, and mdma taught me that no level is better than another. being completely ignorant or realizing god, no level is better than another, (and there also might be no end to these levels anyway so... haha...)
but for real, no level of understanding is better

You cant really get someone to prematurely understand something they're not ready for, and i sincerely dont mean "oh look at those poor little ignorant people down there, their little fragile minds arent quite ready for my insight" haha stuff like that. Even when you try, it usually doenst work well. like we're all at different levels of understanding, so there is no standard to set, and when we set standards, like this entire actualized stuff strongly implies that you "should" realize god, or that you "should" be "over here" realizing god, but that implies that you should be at a different level "over here" and not "down there". feeling like youre not okay where you are, in the present moment, is one of the greatest sources of pain. thinking we should be more realized, healed, conscious, aware, better, etc. this is one of the root causes of depression, thinking we have to be anywhere other than where we are here, in the present moment, as we already feel, as we are. some might think, well F*** thats depressing. i have to be stuck in the present moment and feel shitty? not quite, heres the most beautiful thing. ecstacy is all about finding the "sweet spot". where youre sharing and expressing something you are genuinely ready to express, and also not forcing yourself to go down roads that youre not ready for, which would end up just being traumatic and not healthy. this is where the most pleasure and spiritual ecstacy is had. its moving forward at your own pace, unique to you, and also knowing where not to go. so many people say you "should" face this, face that, go there, but thats completely up to you and no one else should have a say in that. this is why its so therapeutic for me, cause i learned these things. going places youre not ready for can destabalaze you, and thats not healthy, yet so many people are trying to push people to do that.... going places you feel ready to go, and only you have the right to decide and no one else for you, is healthy and creates a happy stable life. 

so i learned that its all okay and you I have to go anywhere or realize anything! its all beautiful! every level is beautiful! everything and everyone is truly valid, and ultimately just wants to be valaidated  everyone deserves to be valiad, every person, every demon, everything, but when we feel ready to do that. what you feel truly matters, if theres parts of you that disagrees, then good  thats beautful and it deserves to be heard, im not more right than you, and vice versa. i realized the other day i accidently invalidated someone on this forum , and i learned from that, they were completely valiad and so was I, i dont want to make anyone wrong anymore. 

 

1 hour ago, melontonin said:

Yeah sadly my mental state at the time meant I wasn't sensible with doses which has just fucked it for me in terms of doing it now. 

damn sorry to hear, brains can definitely recover though, im sure theres some good hope. maybe take a few years off and come back to it if it feels right, and do more of a therapeutic approach, your brain can heal  
 

[Ulax]

22 hours ago, melontonin said:

 

@Ulax  Thanks a lot for your message. Yeah, it's intuitively obvious to me that anything but root-level, identity change isn't a real solution but there can be things that aren't but which are still helpful. And yeah I'd really appreciate hearing any advice or methods you've got.

I get you.

First one = 

Second one =

Learn how to identify toxic/ abusive relationships, and then move on from them by any reasonable means necessary

I would recommend watching Dr Ramani's content for it:

Edit: I keep trying to tag her narcissistic glossary playlist, but this random vid from it comes up instead.

Hope it helps.

Edited February 22, 2022 by Ulax
See 'Edit'

[Ulax]

On 20/02/2022 at 11:39 PM, melontonin said:

@AuroraDream@Ulax I don't ever feel at ease around other people to the extent of letting my guard down. There's always anxiety there. I've been going out a lot more recently and socialising though because I feel the intuitive truth of the point that "relational trauma can only be healed in relationships." It's clearly gonna have to be done in combination with trauma work though specifically focused on the fact that I always feel like something I say could just trigger anger and violence from the person I'm speaking to.

Damn, sounds like a tough experience.

You have boundaries regarding which type of people you'll fuck with, and which that you won't? I.e. if someone was this type of person, I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

Edited February 22, 2022 by Ulax
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