Were they laughing about me?

[Javfly33]

I share flat with 2 girls and I have this weird thing that when I am individually with anyone of them, the conversation is totally normal, I am almost never in my head , words just flow out of my hand, I feel "fine", (even empowered and leading the conversation since lately I feel more confident around people, etc), 

however, when I am with the 2 at the same time, things usually change,

1. I instantly get this fear I am going to get left behind in the conversation, especially because one of the girls just likes to talk and talk and fucking talk. (With this one when I am individually a lot of times she just steps into my words, which I think, more than assertive, it's not sign of a good education)

2. Soon the conversation starts to go towards me (the girl from point 1) arises a conversation about some topic that relates to me so the group is focused ON ME (here I got the theory that she wants to RIDICULE me because of some twisted reason), and instantly start to feel this energy of "being revealed", "I am being ridiculed/trying to get humiliated". I start to feel "small" and "attacked", and the most I "close myself", the most they (the girls) seem to laugh. I even feel worse and honestly its horrible.
 

Because of this "paranoia" I have (because I hope its more paranoia than reality) Today It got really awkward because we were having dinner outside and they wanted me to show them some pictures I've done for some photoshoot and I got so freaking attacked than I just stopped and I said very serious "No, because its clear you are laughing of me". They were shocked LOL and instantly the conversation frozen to an uncomfortable next 2 minutes (Which give me the suspicion that they KNEW they were indeed trying to bully me because they suspected I am 'weak').

 

Do you think it is paranoia or maybe this girl have a sadistic tendency so since she knows I have social anxiety/trauma she tries to trigger my weakness? 

Edited February 18, 2022 by Javfly33

[Gregory1]

They are trying to steal your masculinity. Have a threesome with them to assert your dominance.

No, I mean pretty sure they don't try to ridicule you or attack you, they are just being stupid and having fun. Girls think differently than men so when you are together with a group of girls its like you are a german in a group of japanese people, things aren't gonna make much sense. When you are together with just 1 girl, both sides adapt to eachothers language, when 1 german is together with 2 japanese, no adaption will take place, just japanese language

Edited February 18, 2022 by Gregory1

[Javfly33]

5 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

They are trying to steal your masculinity. Have a threesome with them to assert your dominance.

??

5 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

When you are together with just 1 girl, both sides adapt to eachothers language, when 1 german is together with 2 japanese, no adaption will take place, just japanese language

Interesting perspective

[Federico del pueblo]

30 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Do you think it is paranoia or maybe this girl have a sadistic tendency so since she knows I have social anxiety/trauma she tries to trigger my weakness? 

The girls could be full of shit and insecure, so they derive a sense of strength or superiority when judging or devaluing others.

Maybe they are also just silly and clueless.

I think you must openly communicate to them what you're not ok with in terms of their behaviour.  The longer you allow them to do these things the worse it'll get and at some point it becomes humiliating.

"Girls, honestly I feel you two sometimes speak in way that is somewhat condescending, and I feel disrespected by it (name concrete examples of instances).

How do you feel about this? (See what they say).

I'd appreciate it if you could stop doing this."

But I don't know, maybe sometimes your mind is playing tricks on you too. Maybe they're just laughing/smiling because they find you so fucking hot (that's probably what your standard assumption should be, unless proven otherwise...).

[Javfly33]

6 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

The girls could be full of shit and insecure, so they derive a sense of strength or superiority when judging or devaluing others.

Maybe they are also just silly and clueless.

I think you must openly communicate to them what you're not ok with in terms of their behaviour.  The longer you allow them to do these things the worse it'll get and at some point it becomes humiliating.

"Girls, honestly I feel you two sometimes speak in way that is somewhat condescending, and I feel disrespected by it (name concrete examples of instances).

How do you feel about this? (See what they say).

I'd appreciate it if you could stop doing this."

But I don't know, maybe sometimes your mind is playing tricks on you too. Maybe they're just laughing/smiling because they find you so fucking hot (that's probably what your standard assumption should be, unless proven otherwise...).

yeap...that´s my suspiction... Some people get really "confident" when they are at group to bully the other, which they wouldn´t do if it were individually with the victim... and this pisses me fuck off, that I can´t defend myself...

But also interesting the rest of the possibilities...

Thanks 4 your input, really complete, some diverse perspectives there... ?

[Federico del pueblo]

12 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

... and this pisses me fuck off, that I can´t defend myself...

You can though!

It's just a matter of which pain do you prefer feeling?

The pain of being made fun of, or the pain of speaking up inspite of some fear/discomfort/resistance. 

I know it feels awkward to assert yourself if you're not used to it, but it gets better, just like the other social anxieties.

It also doesn't take a super elaborate "declaration of war" or anything fancy, just like the "I feel like you do X, how do you see this? (ideally with examples of specific events)" I mentioned before.

[Javfly33]

8 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You can though!

It's just a matter of which pain do you prefer feeling?

The pain of being made fun of, or the pain of speaking up inspite of some fear/discomfort/resistance. 

I know it feels awkward to assert yourself if you're not used to it, but it gets better, just like the other social anxieties.

It also doesn't take a super elaborate "declaration of war" or anything fancy, just like the "I feel like you do X, how do you see this? (ideally with examples of specific events)" I mentioned before.

Yes, I actually have started to do the latter. Before the situation I commented , there was even a previous topic that girl already arised up, and in that one I firmly replied to her in a serious tone, and suddenly the dynamic of mockery they had turn into "mmm OK".

That was GOOD, that I am beginning to "respect myself" in those moments. Its new for me. Feels good. However, I still find myself very concerned to the fact that I get TRIGGERED as being ridiculed. For example I wouldn't ever feel that with my mom. 

Something tells me this problem is part that some people like to "bully" but also that I have some fucked up shadow...

[Tristan12]

1 hour ago, Gregory1 said:

They are trying to steal your masculinity. Have a threesome with them to assert your dominance.

Solid advice

[Ulax]

I've noticed some girls & guys do that to me.

I think wat you did was absolutely solid regarding calling them out on their bullshit.

I'm in the same situation regarding my emotional reactions, I feel like a child. It sucks, and I'm still looking for how to do it. I find it hard to draw boundaries when I'm feeling like that.

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Ulax said:

I've noticed some girls & guys do that to me.

I think wat you did was absolutely solid regarding calling them out on their bullshit.

I'm in the same situation regarding my emotional reactions, I feel like a child. It sucks, and I'm still looking for how to do it. I find it hard to draw boundaries when I'm feeling like that.

Thanks for sharing Buddy ??

We on the fight ??

[Nahm]

? ‘who’?

Even the separate self of thought doesn’t ‘get’ emotion. 

 

 

@Gregory1 ? 

[NoSelfSelf]

It seems its in human nature when we see some weakness we try to poke at it... expecially if it seen that you are trying to hide it and being dishonest then expecially...

Your trauma is poked at and you have a mask to protect yourself from reliving it again , fear comes from you showing who you truly are i assume they see all that(but dont know deeper reason)and having fun with it ...social conditioning/trauma/beliefs is behinde that mask...

If you dont tease back or show its not serious(taking yourself seriously) then they will laugh at it for some reason

Im all over the place its not easy situation i know that feeling its terrible..

 

[actuallyenlightened]

 

22 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

1. I instantly get this fear I am going to get left behind in the conversation, especially because one of the girls just likes to talk and talk and fucking talk. (With this one when I am individually a lot of times she just steps into my words, which I think, more than assertive, it's not sign of a good education)

2. Soon the conversation starts to go towards me (the girl from point 1) arises a conversation about some topic that relates to me so the group is focused ON ME (here I got the theory that she wants to RIDICULE me because of some twisted reason), and instantly start to feel this energy of "being revealed", "I am being ridiculed/trying to get humiliated". I start to feel "small" and "attacked", and the most I "close myself", the most they (the girls) seem to laugh. I even feel worse and honestly its horrible.

Here's my take on this as an introvert - and how the situation doesn't need to be so bad:

1) By being left behind in the conversation, feels like I learn more about people, and it's really chill not having to say much. If I'm too left out and get bored, I usually just leave and do my own thing

2) What's wrong with 'being revealed?' I have the opposite problem where I try my best to be understood but they usually just don't get it (stage yellow problems) so end up saying things to keep the conversation moving... But in terms of insecurities it might be how you approach life.. If you see all of your personal insecurities as a learning opportunity and actively work through them, all of your problems 'revealed' is most like an opportunity for them to provide their 2 cents and multiple perspectives is too good, whether it's useful or not (unless they're too toxic) . And you end up learning how other people deal with issues, better understand psychology, and come up with mental categories to place people into. 

That being said, I know it's not easy. All of these things come from your subconscious and it takes dedicated work to get everything in alignment.

 

[Federico del pueblo]

21 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I still find myself very concerned to the fact that I get TRIGGERED as being ridiculed.

Are you triggered into anger or into insecurity?

Anyway, I think you just have to persist with calling them out on their BS.

And there is this saying of "love it, change it, or leave it".

If you find that your efforts don't get you the results in the mid to long term, then maybe you want to consider relocating. 

And maybe see if some empathy helps you. These girls might have their own fuck ups, so they need these strategies, it just helps them to feel better.

[Alex_R]

Did you ever try to fuck them?