How much is good to be HONEST to people? How much can I push the limit?

[Javfly33]

In my 2 biggest trips of my life I got the profound insight that my life lacked connection (to people). One of the most powerful insights I got from the last trip about my problem (trauma/social anxiety, etc) was that the key to get out of that problem was to communicate honestly to people, like, connecting and being real about what i am feeling/whats on my mind. In that trip actually I had 3 hour long conversation with my flatmate about a very deep topic about my life (and I got surprised because she listened so carefully and took care of me in the trip).

But is that the norm? Most people probably will react bad if I become "too real".

Dont you guys think Sometimes being very honest in this social matrix can be seen as being insane/being a freak/being a weirdo/too sensitive. So is this insight really "integrable" to sober real life?

Edited February 17, 2022 by Javfly33

[Roy]

It's certainly a dilemma. If you were 100% radically honest with no filter, it would probably feel really good and freeing in a way. You might find certain people respect you more and will likely lend you there trust more easily. However there are social consequences and costs to being perfectly honest. Not only to yourself but to others. Sometimes it's actually ethical to lie (or withhold information) in order to spare needless suffering, typically around children or in other circumstances where there is nothing to be gained or damage to be caused from the truth. Sometimes in order to advance your own career or interests you will have moments where being honest will damage you, it's inevitable if you want to get anywhere.

There is no right or wrong answer I believe, it's way too tricky. It will be up to you to use your own judgement about how you want to live in the world and what costs you value more than others.

I recommend you read the book "Lying" by Sam Harris. It covers this topic quite well and it's a short read at less than 100 pages I believe.

I have made a commitment sometime ago to be more brutally honest at the cost of protecting my own reputation and the results have actually been positive so far in some respects, I find I am able to connect to people on a deeper level.

It also depends on the kind of people you want to attract in life. If you lie all the time and manipulate others, you will fall to have company who also do the same. Conversely if you uphold ethics and being honest at all costs you'll attract people who will see that and also want the same.

[Loba]

If you are too honest or too real, people can fight you about it.  A large number of people want to take their dishonesties to the grave with them or they don't think about mortality and so they don't think about their karma and stuff... uhm... be careful when being honest with people, too, I have been "too" honest before and there is a point where it can become toxic.

My new rule is, unless someone is causing me active problems, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

[Kksd74628]

@Javfly33

If you would be extremely honest that would help you to do right things for yourself and to others. Just remember that being honest and being rude are 2 different things. So you don't actually need to hurt anyone by being honest. Even if people would get mad from what you say once, I would say that they learn from it someday.

You cannot be too real, because if people wouldn't understand or like you when you do that then they aren't for you. The most optimal way to make friends is to be completely yourself and those who get pissed off aren't for you and those who fall in love with your personality will become very close friends with you. I don't really understand the concept of having public personality masks, because then people would like or dislike that mask and how you benefit from that information. Having fake friends and losing those who didn't like the mask?

Also when you express yourself fully only after that you can start to do good self work, because that is the best way to see your own qualities. One part of being social is to learn from yourself and not to play any social "games" and "tricks". Things that you are afraid to show others are things that you are not confident enough.

-joNi-

[hyruga]

Just be honest. 

But honestly, you don't have to tell your darkest secrets if they haven't earned the right to listen to.

It's just like going for job interview. When they asked you "Tell me more about yourself"

You don't have to literally tell your whole life story from being a toddler to childhood to teenagers to young adults. Similarly, you don't have to tell your full job history.

In fact, you will already be very talkative if you can talk non-stop for more than 7 min based on that one question.

[gettoefl]

reflect on this perspective:

there isn't lies

there is only the extent to which one affords access to one's inner world

people merit access or are denied access

many deserve to and will be given undistorted access

i assert that no one by virtue of being human is accorded rights to another's inner world

should you demand truth one denies your right to such and will not be responsible for any account you receive

one's truth is dangerous to many so one refuses to divulge

and many are not ready for or not suitable for one's truth

and many will use one's truth for bad purposes perhaps to even hurt abuse or destroy one 

of course if someone asks one is obliged to explain their views on this

do not pour out your depths to every tom dick and harry who wants it

truth is earned over time

 

 

[flume]

Give Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton a read, or visit a workshop. They teach you about the difference between Radical Honesty and Brutal Honesty.

In short:

• Make it about yourself (Non-violent communication)
• Stay true to the facts, to what actually happened
• Be aware that the rest is stories in your head, share it as such

[AuroraDream]

Intentions behind the honesty are good to become aware of. Even truth, love, and honesty can be weaponized.