Witnessing excessive amounts of verbal conflict as a child

[John Paul]

I witnessed excessive amounts of verbal conflict as a child (adults). It's a non-urgent yet procrastinated goal to get back into therapy and stick with it for a while and a more urgent goal to pick up spirituality again. In the meantime does anyone have any resources or a tip, anything to help expand my perspective on this issue?

[puporing]

Yes but he's controversial - Daniel Mackler (he's on YouTube) if you feel up to it. He helped me a lot I really needed someone to side with my inner child and not waver on it (fact is 5/6 of the therapists I saw did waver on this).

Also highly recommend Gabor Mate, he's prob more palatable to the spiritual crowd.

Edited February 17, 2022 by puporing

[John Paul]

@puporing  I'm sorry i don't know what you mean by wavering? like your therapists didn't support you? 

[puporing]

@John Paul Yeah like half-ass support, half-siding with the parents half siding with me, something like that, which was not enough to help me move through the pain. Might work for others who want to keep a 'good relationship' with their parents though I don't know. To me it was just more gaslighting which is also what society tends to do when you talk about such a topic.

Edited February 17, 2022 by puporing

[Preety_India]

What sort of a perspective you're looking for? 

 

[John Paul]

@puporing there is obviously more detail but from what you said wow... sounds like shitty therapists .-.  

 

@Preety_India  mainly recourses. i thought if someone were an expert they'd maybe just give me some quick patterns I might not know I have or like a detail about them. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, John Paul said:

mainly recourses. i thought if someone were an expert they'd maybe just give me some quick patterns I might not know I have or like a detail about them. 

Can you go into more depth so I can help you? I'm not exactly understanding your words. 

What exactly are you looking for and I might be able to help. 

 

[puporing]

@John Paul Yeah.. somehow I was able to recognize it and moved on from them.. I think most therapists have not internally broken away from their parents so they cannot help someone else to do this either. There's still some value and most are empathetic to an extent or another. 

[John Paul]

@puporing

ya.. the task of finding a therapist who is trying to master their craft is daunting to me. 

[Cathal]

i will say a lot of people don't understand verbal abuse is identical to physical abuse in many many ways. i got both but looking back, the verbal abuse was more traumatizing as a kid. i guess what i would say to you is this is about going into your inner child, the part of you still holding onto the wounds.

it's good to understand things and gain knowledge but i think when it comes to what you are dealing with truly expressing and talking out loud with someone else will be incredibly healing.

journaling, writing a letter to your inner child, reflecting on a picture of you as a child, and giving yourself true compassion for having gone through what you did. so many things to do for yourself, but with another person where you can actually feel connection and trust with, the part of you that needs to come out will find its expression. so good luck with that @John Paul

[John Paul]

@catcat69123

I also experienced verbal/emotional abuse.

[Tristan12]

15 hours ago, puporing said:

@John Paul Yeah like half-ass support, half-siding with the parents half siding with me, something like that, which was not enough to help me move through the pain. Might work for others who want to keep a 'good relationship' with their parents though I don't know. To me it was just more gaslighting which is also what society tends to do when you talk about such a topic.

wtf? what kind of therapist would side with the parent? when you are trying to process old emotional pain from something that happened years ago, whether the parents where right or not is irrelevant. Your child self needs love, that's it, end of story, and once everything is healed you will naturally move towards forgiveness and understanding of the parents. There's no need to take the parent's side in any way because it does nothing for healing

[Nadosa]

I also witnessed my brother and mother verbally abusing each other to the point where I've threatened to take my life because it was so energy taking for me. Of course it was repressed despair. I didnt know how to translate and express my Powerlessness and Despair over the Situation. It was too much for that lil boy.

I wrote letters and stuff and cried a lot... Actually don't know if it helped. What really helped was realizing what Love is. For me the scars are there, just more loved unconditionally. It is been very very tough tho. I would let go of control completely and realizing I have absolutely no control whatsoever was quite fearful. Ultimately there is only You and your Will. The question is, are you willing to face yourself fully?

Edited February 17, 2022 by Nadosa

[John Paul]

@Tristan12

I know right. like i kind of fake forgave my parents before once i understood that other people had trauma but now I'm coming back to my trauma I'm like nah dude i can't imagine a therapist pulling that shit

[John Paul]

@Nadosa

I don't have siblings and my mother would often keep me from leaving the house or neighborhood.i didn't look for friends (not properly socialized early on). forcing (which usually I would comply with because of manipulation) me to sit in the house around a severely toxic relationship day in and day out. Being a witness to her soap opera and rage and go comfort her while she cried over my father.

Edited February 17, 2022 by John Paul

[puporing]

@Tristan12 Don't know, was just my experience, is it possible that intersectionality played a role (racial and gender bias)? I've heard from a couple of white males who had a similar upbringing as me who seemed to have received better therapy even financial help for the therapy that are not generally offered to the public. So this is something I cannot find out..

[Tristan12]

@puporing I'm not sure. Either way, the therapy offered today has a lot of problems to it. No wonder there's so many people with unresolved emotional issues.

[Alex_R]

On 2/17/2022 at 3:27 AM, John Paul said:

I witnessed excessive amounts of verbal conflict as a child (adults). It's a non-urgent yet procrastinated goal to get back into therapy and stick with it for a while and a more urgent goal to pick up spirituality again. In the meantime does anyone have any resources or a tip, anything to help expand my perspective on this issue?

I was in the same situation as a child and about a week ago i have a dream where i was in a fight with my family and i ended up confessing that i actuality like  watching they scream and fight

 

Crazy as shit

Edited February 19, 2022 by Alex_R

[John Paul]

@Alex_R  maybe that is because this is your first version of love so there is comfort in it?

I finally communicated to mother about gaslighting my abuse last night and then took a gram of elephant penis envy mush today, feel better but know that I have extreme amount of grieving to do. i may go to ayahuasca four day ceremony in april. 

[puporing]

@John Paul Yeah grieving might take awhile, just let it all out, it'll feel 'bad and good' at the same time.