Date report, need advice please

[Federico del pueblo]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yes this is what I meant. Only difference is that my articulation and grammar skills and English skills suck so I can't put my thoughts accurately. 

Thanks. 

 

Sure, but it's important to note that (if I remember correctly) the op has NOT had sex with the girl yet and she is also acting weird and plays games etc.

@Karmadhi has already shown "interest" on the date, has escalated to the kiss and the girl texts him this "the end was weird" kind of BS.

If he now keeps texting a lot he might actually make himself less interesting, she is already showing less investment than he is.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Federico del pueblo said:

Sure, but it's important to note that (if I remember correctly) the op has NOT had sex with the girl yet and she is also acting weird and plays games etc.

@Karmadhi has already shown "interest" on the date, has escalated to the kiss and the girl texts him this "the end was weird" kind of BS.

If he now keeps texting a lot he might actually make himself less interesting, she is already showing less investment than he is.

Actually he abandoned texting. He himself said that that could be the reason why she didn't show up to a date. Well I'm not surprised. If a guy wanted to date me and he showed a cold lack luster response through text, I can't have attraction for him in fact whatever attraction I have for him I'll eventually lose and not want to show up. So I perfectly get why she didn't want to show up. 

Look even girls are subconsciously scanning and testing a guy to see his level of interest. If I feel like the guy is not serious about it, I'm not motivated either. If I was more invested and interested in the guy, I'd be disappointed even more that his response is not matching mine or he is not upping it. He needs to win me and top my effort

If I put 2% effort in showing interest, then I expect him to put 4%, you see? I want him to top me. That's masculinity for me. It makes me want the guy more. Because I can see he is always topping me. 

If the guy's response weakens over time then I lose interest quickly. And eventually decide not to go. Because clearly I didn't feel like I was wanted enough. So why will I care? 

 

[Federico del pueblo]

32 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Actually he abandoned texting. He himself said that that could be the reason why she didn't show up to a date.

There was already a date scheduled.

This is not the same as abandoning texting.

Abandoning texting is when you've had a date and then after it you simply don't message the other person anymore (for weeks or longer/forever).

He still should have confirmed the date via text, but this is just an organisational matter.

The fact that a guy schedules a date should already communicate enough interest, but yes, I know that this is different from your pov and you'd like to have more lovey doveyness in the time before the date like "?????? so looking forward to seeing you again!!!! Can't wait!!!! ?????!!"

But trust me that most guys have done things like this more than often enough and it just fails too frequently, which is why we then change our behaviours.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Federico del pueblo said:

There was already a date scheduled.

This is not the same as abandoning texting.

Abandoning texting is when you've had a date and then after it you simply don't message the other person anymore (for weeks or longer/forever).

He still should have confirmed the date via text, but this is just an organisational matter.

The fact that a guy schedules a date should already communicate enough interest, but yes, I know that this is different from your pov and you'd like to have more lovey doveyness in the time before the date like "?????? so looking forward to seeing you again!!!! Can't wait!!!! ?????!!"

But trust me that most guys have done things like this more than often enough and it just fails too frequently, which is why we then change our behaviours.

Absolutely. I so wish it was easier for you guys. 

 

[Federico del pueblo]

[Javfly33]

On 17/2/2022 at 0:38 AM, Karmadhi said:

She asks me "if this is a friendly meeting because things got a bit weird towards the end of our previous meeting"

 

sounds like she has a boyfriend and wanted to feel justified to herself about kissing you the previous night. Don´t give it much importance...

 

[Karmadhi]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

sounds like she has a boyfriend and wanted to feel justified to herself about kissing you the previous night. Don´t give it much importance...

Not the case at all

[Karmadhi]

So i asked her if she could meet me during the weekend on thursday  and she said "yes lets see". It is saturday night now and no sign from her. Should i remind her AGAIN if she can meet on sunday or should i just not text her?

[Leo Gura]

46 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

So i asked her if she could meet me during the weekend on thursday  and she said "yes lets see". It is saturday night now and no sign from her. Should i remind her AGAIN if she can meet on sunday or should i just not text her?

I wouldn't remind her per se. Just something nonchalant like: "Let's hang out"

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura I already did it on thursday evening, legit told her "lets hang out on the weekend". She said: "yeah lets see".

 

[Leo Gura]

31 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura I already did it on thursday evening, legit told her "lets hang out on the weekend". She said: "yeah lets see".

Then text her this: "??"

BTW, one mistake you made is trying to set a date on the weekend. Girls will flake the most on Fri & Sat when they are busy hanging out with friends & family. You should try to set dates for Mon, Tue, Wed -- the slowest nights of the week. Then there is less chance that her friends will grab her attention away from you.

She will always prioritize her friends over you until you have sex with her.

So the reason she's not texting you back and the reason why you won't get a date this weekend is because she is busy with her friends and you didn't think through the logistics of that properly. You should have been eyeing Mon-Wed from the beginning. And what's more, you should not set dates for Fri & Sat because those are the days you always go out to talk to more girls! Don't sacrifice your best nights out (Fri & Sat) for a date that will flake anyway. This is a rookie mistake. Thurs, Fri, Sat is for getting numbers. Mon-Wed is for doing dates.

[Karmadhi]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

irls will flake the most on Fri & Sat when they are busy hanging out with friends & family

Normally true but this one seems a bit not that social because she is still new in town so i doubt her life is that busy yet. Good point for future girls though, thank you.

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Then text her this: "??"

Thank you

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

nd what's more, you should not set dates for Fri & Sat because those are the days you always go out to talk to more girls! Don't sacrifice your best nights out (Fri & Sat) for a date that will flake anyway. This is a rookie mistake. Thurs, Fri, Sat is for getting numbers. Mon-Wed is for doing dates.

I get dates from uni and being social in general. I do not do pickup, i really do not need it. If i ever do pick up it will be daygame, not a fan of nightgame tbh.

[Flint]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Then text her this: "??"

BTW, one mistake you made is trying to set a date on the weekend. Girls will flake the most on Fri & Sat when they are busy hanging out with friends & family. You should try to set dates for Mon, Tue, Wed -- the slowest nights of the week. Then there is less chance that her friends will grab her attention away from you.

She will always prioritize her friends over you until you have sex with her.

So the reason she's not texting you back and the reason why you won't get a date this weekend is because she is busy with her friends and you didn't think through the logistics of that properly. You should have been eyeing Mon-Wed from the beginning. And what's more, you should not set dates for Fri & Sat because those are the days you always go out to talk to more girls! Don't sacrifice your best nights out (Fri & Sat) for a date that will flake anyway. This is a rookie mistake. Thurs, Fri, Sat is for getting numbers. Mon-Wed is for doing dates.

"...?" is perhaps slightly better than "??" altough that's a small technicality.

I agree with Leo but this is very context dependent, for instance if she has to wake up early for work during the week having a date on monday and or tuesday is not ideal. If it's a second date where you plan on pulling and she's relatively invested she will show up even during the weekend.

If she's a student busy partying with no mandatory classes, yes, date her during the week. She will have time. If she has a 9/5, it's a bit more tricky.

Also, girl tend to be picky and don't have 100's of dates a month, so they will make exceptions to see a relatively good guy once during the weekend.

But the point that you should still go out, farm numbers and try insta pulling during the weekend still stands, and indeed friday/saturday are your best nights for this, but you if manage to pull of off a solid date on a friday/saturday it's still better in terms of new experience as you will always have MORE experiences of going out and gaming than experiences of actually getting laid.

There is also the argument of aiming to close as soon as possible : if you've just met the girl on thursday it's better to date her on friday than wait for next monday.

You can always also go for coffee/tea during the day saturday/sunday. Works like a charm.

All in all it's a complicated balancing act and you need to consider all of those factors.

[Karmadhi]

11 minutes ago, Flint said:

But the point that you should still go out, farm numbers and try insta pulling during the weekend still stands, and indeed friday/saturday are your best nights for this, but you if manage to pull of off a solid date on a friday/saturday it's still better in terms of new experience as you will always have MORE experiences of going out and gaming than experiences of actually getting laid

I am all good with gaming in a place that fits my personality. Daygame works for me. A loud nightclub does not. I am a fish and i want to hunt in the sea not in a dessert. House parties also work great for me but going to them is quite random depending on social circle events, not very consistent. Bars could also work but i do not find a lot of girls my age there. Clubs i hate, at least the ones that are open right now. If i cannot talk to girls normally it is a no no for me.

Keep in mind my standards for sex are VERY low compared to most guys, so i can find plenty of girls attractive enough to date every time im out on the streets doing my thing. My pickyness is usually when it comes to personality, not looks.

I am generally bit feminine when it comes to this dating stuff which is why conventional dating advice is not 100 percent applicable for me. Once i went out with a girl and when i first saw her on the date i thought to myself: "Damn im  not feeling it at all, im not attracted to her physically at all", then after talking and flirting a bit for 3 hours i got attracted to her enough to want to kiss her myself. I think this is how girls are regarding dating. The "I know within 5 seconds if i would sleep with her or not" thingy does not fully apply to me.

Of course there are girls i am not attracted to at ALL no matter what but i would consider maybe 30-40 percent of girls "dating" material looks wise if i also liked their personality and we vibed well. 

Might seem weird but this is what i have learned about myself once i started talking to girls and trying to date them.

11 minutes ago, Flint said:

There is also the argument of aiming to close as soon as possible : if you've just met the girl on thursday it's better to date her on friday than wait for next monday.

I am still on the phase of learning how to get a consistent make out on the first date, closing on the first date is still bit advanced for me. At least with not super sexually liberated girls.

 

Edited February 20, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Roy]

18 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

I am still on the phase of learning how to get a consistent make out on the first date, closing on the first date is still bit advanced for me. At least with not super sexually liberated girls.

Are you trying to get a girlfriend or just closing for sex to get practice? Because you don't have to kiss or make out on the first date if you want a girlfriend, it's not a requirement. A first date can be chill and casual, then you escalate on the second.

[Karmadhi]

3 minutes ago, Roy said:

Are you trying to get a girlfriend or just closing for sex to get practice? Because you don't have to kiss or make out on the first date if you want a girlfriend, it's not a requirement. A first date can be chill and casual, then you escalate on the second.

I want to practice going outside my confort zone. I used to be really platonic in dates so i am trying to improve my escalation, touching and going for the kiss skills. These things push me outside my comfort zone.

[integral]

On 2/16/2022 at 6:38 PM, Karmadhi said:

"if this is a friendly meeting because things got a bit weird towards the end of our previous meeting". I am like WTF to myslef, you legit kissed me, said it was fun and we even made jokes after when i walked you to your destination and now "it was weird"?????????

LMFAO shes Flirting.

The answer to that is "oh, its gonna get a lot weirder from here, i honestly don't think you can handle :P" 

This is the tip of the ice berg, if your logical mind brain farts for anything ambiguous your going to have a rough road ahead of you. Just PLAY.

Edited February 20, 2022 by integral

[Karmadhi]

47 minutes ago, integral said:

LMFAO shes Flirting.

The answer to that is "oh, its gonna get a lot weirder from here, i honestly don't think you can handle :P" 

This is the tip of the ice berg, if your logical mind brain farts for anything ambiguous your going to have a rough road ahead of you. Just PLAY.

Yes well if she was flirting and still interested she would not make it crazy hard to meet me a second time like she currently is. The first time to meet her was so easy compared to the second time. I will still try with her until she explicitly rejects me because i got nothing to loose but i am not very optimistic. When a girl is interested to meet you she will meet you, as long as you are asking her to meet you. Simple as that. So yeah fuck her honestly.

Edited February 20, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Roy]

59 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

I used to be really platonic in dates so i am trying to improve my escalation, touching and going for the kiss skills. These things push me outside my comfort zone.

CARRY ON SOLDIER.

[Karmadhi]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

CARRY ON SOLDIER

Im getting tired honestly. No matter how much i try it is still a bit hard not to get emotionally invested AT ALL, especially if the girl is somewhat good fit for you (high quality girl as they say).

I am a decent guy i dont geniounly think i deserve to be treated like garbage like this.

If this keeps on i fear i will become one of those ruthless sociopathic puas (even though i dont really do pick up) that gives 0 shits about the girls and just cares about his agenda and has 0 empathy.

My vision for what i want is the only thing that keeps me motivated to keep moving forward.

Edited February 20, 2022 by Karmadhi