Date report, need advice please

[Karmadhi]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls plays dumb games all the time. She has nearly zero investment in you until sex, so she's not worried about losing you. You're the one worried about losing her. So she has power over you.

You are fundamentally not understanding how investment works for girls.

I mean yeah but this one comes from a more conservative culture so i do not think she has 20 bodycount like most western girls do. Does not mean she will not fuck under the right conditions but i doubt she will agree to fuck me on 2 dates, keep in mind i dont have PUA level game.

If she actually did not show up on the date on purpose then it is a purely dick move and really disrespectful. I wanna believe she forgot due to low investment since we did not text for a week, not that she did it on purpose.

The one i went out with 3 months ago definetly would have but with her i messed up by not kissing her on the first date. 

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Just text her: "What days are you free?"

Ok thank you, will keep it in mind. 

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

I mean yeah but this one comes from a more conservative culture so i do not think she has 20 bodycount like most western girls do. Does not mean she will not fuck under the right conditions but i doubt she will agree to fuck me on 2 dates, keep in mind i dont have PUA level game.

If she actually did not show up on the date on purpose then it is a purely dick move and really disrespectful. I wanna believe she forgot due to low investment since we did not text for a week, not that she did it on purpose.

You are not appreciating the depth at which the game is played.

Girls aren't doing it consciously or on purpose. The game is baked into their entire attitude and how their mind runs. It's not something they are aware of or even know they are doing. But they are doing it. They will deny they are doing anything. Conservative girls will play even more games as they need to try extra hard not to appear slutty to themselves and others.

She didn't show up to your date because she has no investment in you. And that is her game. And now she's acting as if making out with you was something friendly. And so it goes. This is par for the course. Which is why you train yourself to ignore her nonsense and proceed to solid logistics for a meetup. Don't get too cute over text. Use text to get her out on a date. And use text to make sure she shows up. Keep it simple and practical.

Whether or not she sleeps with you on this date is irrelevant. You run your game the same regardless. See how far you can get. Conservative girls are often the sluttiest.

The overall point is: don't let girls' antics derail your path. You keep doing you. Girls will keep being girls -- doing silly, flakey, and scatter-brained things.

[Karmadhi]

23 minutes ago, Reciprocality said:

Haha well there are levels to fuck-ups it seems, though I don't really think you are fucked at all.

It won't sort itself out however, so it is a matter of responsibility, and only you can take it for she obviously needs you to lead.

I am trying not to get too attached to it because i have suffered greatly in the past from over-investment with girls. Made massive progress in this domain but still could be improved a lot.

At this point i feel like being sociopathically detached is the only way to date and stay sane as a guy  

 

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Karmadhi]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

onservative girls will play even more games as they need to try extra hard not to appear slutty to themselves and others.

Exactly, they are the hardest ones to get due to their conditioning so as a beginner i am a bit lost, hence why i made this thread.

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Which is why you train yourself to ignore her nonsense and proceed to solid logistics for a meetup. Don't get too cute over text. Use text to get her out on a date. And use text to make sure she shows up. Keep it simple and practical.

I always text like this tbh, it was her that opened up this "hey btw this is friendly meeting right" BS. If i ignore her bs and try to arrange a meeting and she brings up again this "friend" bs should i just clarify it or just flirt back.

[aurum]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

I do not really text her after because i was busy with my stuff and partially because i did not want to mess up anything with bad texts (i am not that good in texting atm).

So today (wendsday) i go the place we arranged to meet but she is nowhere to be found. I text her "where are you" and 20 minutes later she tells me that she forgot and was sorry and shit.  I got super pissed but refraimed myself for saying anything nasty, i just told her not to do it again and lets find a time again to meet and stick to it. 

Up until this point, I was like “alright so far so good…”

This was the big miss.

Expecting a girl to show up for a date a WEEK later? No way. Not unless she’s seriously into you. And makeout does not count as being seriously into you, that means very little.

You either had to keep up the texting during that week or at minimum confirm the date before you go.

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

She asks me "if this is a friendly meeting because things got a bit weird towards the end of our previous meeting". I am like WTF to myslef, you legit kissed me, said it was fun and we even made jokes after when i walked you to your destination and now "it was weird"?????????

Yeah not surprising at all.

Don’t escalate on girls unless you’re planning on going all the way that night. I’d generally rather go on a date and not touch her at all then go half way.

The problem once you go half way is that now she’s in her head about it. Now she’s thinking about your next meet up and if you’re going to expect sex. If she goes on the date now, it’s like she is agreeing to have sex, which her subsconscious will likely not let her do unless she’s very sexually free.

So she unconsciously plays this game where she’ll act like she’s not interested in sex. This makes her feel better about the meetup and takes the pressure off for her.

Play it cool, get the meetup and then escalate anyway. Don’t fall into her frame. You’re the man and you’re clear in what you want. If she doesn’t want that, fine. She doesn’t have to. Let her go then. But you don’t waver either.

 

[Karmadhi]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Don’t escalate on girls unless you’re planning on going all the way that night. I’d generally rather go on a date and not touch her at all then go half way.

Yes but i was rejected/friendzoned when i did this in the past (not touching nor kissing on a first date) . I would rather not make the same mistakes again. Most first dates do not end up with sex yet people still end up together. 

 

5 minutes ago, aurum said:

This was the big miss.

Lesson learned. Leo scolded me too about it. I am just extremly punctual and i would always show up even with a friendly meeting with another guy and i project that into others and expect them to do the same. My mistake.

6 minutes ago, aurum said:

Now she’s thinking about your next meet up and if you’re going to expect sex. If she goes on the date now, it’s like she is agreeing to have sex, which her subsconscious will likely not let her do unless she’s very sexually free.

I doubt i gave such a strong player vibe that i would EXPECT sex on a second date. However this is just my assumption, maybe you are correct.

7 minutes ago, aurum said:

Play it cool, get the meetup and then escalate anyway. Don’t fall into her frame. You’re the man and you’re clear in what you want. If she doesn’t want that, fine. She doesn’t have to. Let her go then. But you don’t waver either.

That is what i have been planning to do.  Getting the meetup is the hard part. She is being bit defensive about it.

[somegirl]

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

She says something like "yes very friendly" and "haha nevermind, beer in empty stomach i guess".

Okay this irritated me also. I mean yeah, girls do play dumb sometimes, but to be this obvious? And she took 0% responsibility also. Damn. 

Anyway... Did you text her anything the next day after you guys kissed? It's usually good idea to do that, so she wouldn't feel used. I know it hurt me couple of times when I made out with a guy in the past and he said nothing the next morning/day (or ever, for that matter). Just acknowledge that it happened and say how nice it was and how you had a good time. That's the least a guy can do.

And yeah next time make sure to ask her if she is coming and does plan still stand. 

Best of luck, just don't take things like this too personally. This is why dating is weird and hard. Because suddenly everyone behaves weird and illogical. So don't take this to heart, it happens to everyone, even girls. 

@Karmadhi

[Karmadhi]

12 minutes ago, somegirl said:

And she took 0% responsibility also. Damn. 

Idk why i always get girls like these, i just want a normal girl.

12 minutes ago, somegirl said:

And yeah next time make sure to ask her if she is coming and does plan still stand

Lessons learned.

12 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Best of luck, just don't take things like this too personally. This is why dating is weird and hard. Because suddenly everyone behaves weird and illogical

I am very straightforward in dating regarding meetups and stuff. I never say anything explicitly but i never play these dumb af games. So far every girl i have been on dates with has been weird in her own way.

13 minutes ago, somegirl said:

id you text her anything the next day after you guys kissed? It's usually good idea to do that, so she wouldn't feel used. I know it hurt me couple of times when I made out with a guy in the past and he said nothing the next morning/day (or ever, for that matter). Just acknowledge that it happened and say how nice it was and how you had a good time. That's the least a guy can do.

Well i replied to her story 2 days after and texted a bit then suggested to meet up later that week. To me this is more than enough to imply i had a good time.

[Roy]

3 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Idk why i always get girls like these, i just want a normal girl.

Not all girls are like this, there are some that are the complete opposite of this chick. You just have to play the field. You'd be surprised about the kind of people out there.

The simplest advice I can give you is don't let a few experiences (and they will happen one day) get in your head and cause you to make sweeping judgements. It's very easy to get caught up in a trap of bitterness after someone does something shitty to you where you think, "What is her fucking problem? Why are women like this?"

There may be some similar traits, characteristics, and behaviors that are consistent among a lot of women. Just remember to evaluate each person you meet in a vacuum as an individual.

[Karmadhi]

2 minutes ago, Roy said:

Not all girls are like this, there are some that are the complete opposite of this chick. You just have to play the field. You'd be surprised about the kind of people out there.

The simplest advice I can give you is don't let a few experiences (and they will happen one day) get in your head and cause you to make sweeping judgements. It's very easy to get caught up in a trap of bitterness after someone does something shitty to you where you think, "What is her fucking problem? Why are women like this?"

I am rather unlucky then, so far they ve all been like this.

I ll keep moving forward regardless until i find someone that loves me the way i am.

 

[somegirl]

1 minute ago, Karmadhi said:

I am rather unlucky then, so far they ve all been like this.

You're not, it's just how it is.  Everyone has these weird stories of their crushes behaving one way, then next time the other way etc... Everyone. If only you could hear countless weird stories my girl friends have encountered. Myself included. 

The only trap you could fall into right now is being bitter and forming generalized thoughts about certain gender. Which we have all at one point in our lives have been temped to do. But it serves you nothing. You would just be unhappy and resenful, noone wants that. 

Feel unhappy right now, let it all out. Be angry if you feel it. And then just move on.

Look at dating as an "adventure", not something you should feel anxious about. Be like "Meh, if it happens, it happens". And then watch what kind of people you will come across after that shift. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

Exactly, they are the hardest ones to get due to their conditioning so as a beginner i am a bit lost, hence why i made this thread.

They can be the easiest. Often it's just a front. Don't listen to any of those "conservative girl" stories. Treat her like a normal girl.

"I'm not that kind of girl" is the biggest BS. Every girl thinks she's "not that kind of girl".

Quote

I always text like this tbh, it was her that opened up this "hey btw this is friendly meeting right" BS. If i ignore her bs and try to arrange a meeting and she brings up again this "friend" bs should i just clarify it or just flirt back.

Just ignore it and proceed to escalate. You don't listen to her words, you observe to her physical compliance or lack thereof. You escalate and feel how she reacts. Keep escalating until she rejects you or gets into it.

If she truly friendzoned you she will quickly rebuff your escalation. At which point you dump her for wasting your time. I would just stand up and walk out leaving her alone if she pulled some shit like that on me. I've walked out on 10s in the middle of a dinner date, leaving her with the bill.

I doubt she friendzoned you. She's probably just being ditzy and playing coy. Don't doubt yourself with her.

[Karmadhi]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

ou're not, it's just how it is.  Everyone has these weird stories of their crushes behaving one way, then next time the other way etc... Everyone. If only you could hear countless weird stories my girl friends have encountered. Myself included.

I do not know a single guy that does this stuff, they are pretty obvious if they want something or not. I do not know what kind of guys you re talking about tbh. 

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Look at dating as an "adventure", not something you should feel anxious about. Be like "Meh, if it happens, it happens"

I try, i really do!

 

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

You would just be unhappy and resenful, noone wants that. 

I know.

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Feel unhappy right now, let it all out. Be angry if you feel it. And then just move on.

It is not over yet. However this is the furthest i have ever gotten with a girl (if i dont count meeting someone that is staying over a weekend and you ll never see again stuff). Dating properly wise, i never got this far. So i am still in uncharted territory.

[Karmadhi]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Just ignore it and proceed to escalate. You don't listen to her words, you observe to her physical compliance or lack thereof. You escalate and feel how she reacts. Keep escalating until she rejects you.

If she truly friendzoned you she will quickly rebuff your escalation. As which point you dump her for wasting your time.

Thanks for the advice but i was referring via texting. If i get a meetup 1 on 1 then i kinda know what to do. I am clueless about texting though (the gateway to a meetup). So if i brush off what she said via texting, tell her a date to meet and she asks again "is this friendly meeting" what should i text back. That was my question

[somegirl]

1 minute ago, Karmadhi said:

I do not know a single guy that does this stuff, they are pretty obvious if they want something or not. I do not know what kind of guys you re talking about tbh. 

Kind of a shocker it might be but.... Guys do these kind of bs too. 

No, but seriously, why would (some) guys be any different? There are guys and girls of all profiles.

Guys are not always strightforward. They might be saing one thing, but actually string you along. Girls too. Nothing to do with gender but with qualities of a person. 

[Karmadhi]

7 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Kind of a shocker it might be but.... Guys do these kind of bs too. 

No, but seriously, why would (some) guys be any different? There are guys and girls of all profiles.

Guys are not always strightforward. They might be saing one thing, but actually string you along. Girls too. Nothing to do with gender but with qualities of a person. 

Guy wants sex or gf. He will push you towards that. 

Simple.

No need for games, if he does games it is to hook you not to "test" you then ditch you like girls do.

A guy decided on the first 10 seconds whether he would sleep with you or not and they are very difficult to turn off from doing so unless you are crazy or something. If they play games it is to basically hook you so you will become more invested on him and not pull these bs games i am experiecing rn.

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

18 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

So if i brush off what she said via texting, tell her a date to meet and she asks again "is this friendly meeting" what should i text back. That was my question

"Bring your pepper spray just in case."

or

"No worries, I'm chill."

or

"I'm very friendly"

[Karmadhi]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Bring your pepper spray just in case."

or

"No worries, I'm chill."

or

"I'm very friendly"

Ok thank you!

[Roy]

35 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

she asks again "is this friendly meeting" what should i text back. That was my question

"No it's a danger meeting ;P"

"Depends, are you going to attack me?"

"It will be a FUN meeting, lets.... (then suggest something exciting for a date)."

"Ok friendly meeting, but just so you know I kiss all my friends. Even the guys." RISKY but could work.

This all depends on the frame you've set with your humor, I don't know the details besides what you've shared. This is the kind of way I'd respond, and it usually works for me. Advice provided without warranty 

 

[Karmadhi]

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You expect her to meet you when you did not text her for a week? 

Which world are you living in? 

I would not meet a guy at all if he didn't text me for 2 days, let alone a week. 

You make a mistake, don't blame it on a girl. 

Or find a girl who puts up with your attitude!! 

Girls have expectations too. 

I texted her after we met. I cant be texting her always me every day. There should be some sort of equality. Do not forget it was me who asked her out both times, who added her on insta, who started the convos etc. I think it is enough investment from my part.

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi