Date report, need advice please

[Karmadhi]

Ok guys so i will give you a short report and a situation i have which i find really confusing.

So i met this girl from a friend, we all went to do an activity together. We vibed a bit and talked and stuff but nothing crazy. We also touched hands a bit because of the nature of the activity but again, all relatively innocent stuff. Afterwards, i added her on instagram and we texted a bit back and forth, mostly replying to each other stories. After exams ended (we are university students), i told her to meet up and she happily agreed. We met up (just me and her) and we went on this bar in the center and sat on these chairs where u can touch the person but it is not really a couch. We spent there like 3 hours, talking about different things, making jokes, having fun etc. I paid the first round of drinks (a  0.33 litter beer (around 5% alcohol)) and she paid for the second round. Towards the last hour or so i started touching her hand and stuff and we got comfortable with touching each other hands. I would say i hit state during the last  45 minutes or so, i sexualized a bit and at one moment we were both holding hands and she did not remove it. At that moment i kissed her, a small make out. After that, she leaned on and she kissed me.  She told me my lips were a bit rough because it is quite cold these days and said "next time you go out with a girl apply some product to make your lips softer". Afterwards we left, she said "that was fun" when we were leaving. Then i walked her to the train station (she lives in a nearby city) and went home. Considering this girl was quite pretty and cool i am very happy with myself that i had the balls to make the first move because usually i chickened out and this costed me like 4 girls so far.

Now things get weird and bad.

I reply to her story like 3 days after we meet and we text a bit, then i suggest to meet later on the week (sunday and this texting is on tuesday). She says she is busy that weekend but suggests to meet me next wendsday (so 1 week exactly from the moment this texting is happening). I agree and we pick a time and place. I do not really text her after because i was busy with my stuff and partially because i did not want to mess up anything with bad texts (i am not that good in texting atm).

So today (wendsday) i go the place we arranged to meet but she is nowhere to be found. I text her "where are you" and 20 minutes later she tells me that she forgot and was sorry and shit.  I got super pissed but refraimed myself for saying anything nasty, i just told her not to do it again and lets find a time again to meet and stick to it. 

She suggests friday after class and says she is also meeting some other friends. I get bit confused and tell her if we can meet on the weekend because on friday i am busy. She tells me okay but i am not sure yet and then says something weird to me. She asks me "if this is a friendly meeting because things got a bit weird towards the end of our previous meeting". I am like WTF to myslef, you legit kissed me, said it was fun and we even made jokes after when i walked you to your destination and now "it was weird"?????????

I text her like "Is it really friendly tho" and "What was weird about last time"

She says something like "yes very friendly" and "haha nevermind, beer in empty stomach i guess".

I am really really confused with this shit. 

Most of my friends are not thatttt experienced with girls so i feel like asking here for advice because i really want some good advice.

We talked for like 4 hours almost before i kissed her and it was mutual, she accepted it and even kissed me back. We did not even drink much, she never said she was tipsy or drunk and seemed perfectly mine to me. I am really confused.

Any advice would help. Sorry for the super long thread but i wanted to give you guys a clear assesment of the situation.

 

[Reciprocality]

Nothing confusing at all, you have to say that you are into her without being desperate. You already made out, be clear in your signals from now. She is testing you.

edit: She might not be into you (could not know), but it is almost impossible that being blunt about your interests in her can ruin anything at this point in the relationship.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Reciprocality

[Karmadhi]

@Reciprocality How do i respond to her? I basically copy pasted the last messages she sent me.

"Is it really friendly tho" and "What was weird about last time"

She says something like "yes very friendly" and "haha nevermind, beer in empty stomach i guess"

Any texting advice to proceed. I really suck at texting.

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

So today (wendsday) i go the place we arranged to meet but she is nowhere to be found. I text her "where are you" and 20 minutes later she tells me that she forgot and was sorry and shit.  I got super pissed but refraimed myself for saying anything nasty

Rookie mistake right there. You fucked up in that you didn't expect her to flake and didn't re-confirm with her via text.

ALWAYS expect girls to flake on you and plan accordingly. You always text her to confirm she's coming the day of, and even the hour of the date. If she doesn't confirm you don't leave your house.

Quote

She says something like "yes very friendly" and "haha nevermind, beer in empty stomach i guess".

I am really really confused with this shit. 

Sounds like she's being dumb and playing games. She does not want to take any responsibility for sex.

Obviously she's into you. Proceed as if she will sleep with you.

Escalate more heavily next time to make sure she's not gonna friend-zone you. Start rubbing her body in sexual ways and turn her on. If she tries to friend-zone you, continue to escalate and force her to leave you or accept your sexuality. If she tells you she just wants to be friends, don't flinch or get angry, just keep escalating until you force to walk away. If she walks away, fine, you did the best you could and it's her fault for playing these games.

Girls will be very flakey and coy. Don't let that faze you. Just keep holding your frame and don't allow them to friendzone you. You know you want her so go for it. If she rejects you, let her reject you hard. Otherwise assume she wants it.

[Reciprocality]

I'm sorry but I wont dictate an appropriate text for you.

In fact I think you should call her if you first text that you want to, and say you are into her. I mean you said it yourself that texting is not your thing, it is not mine either and calling at an appropriate time has helped me in similar situations.

How to do it, well that is precisely what i think you should figure out yourself.

 

[Reciprocality]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Start rubbing her body in sexual ways and turn her on. If she tries to friend-zone you, continue to escalate and force her to leave you or accept your sexuality.

@Leo Gura Is time travel part of your teachings also? 

 

@Karmadhi Even though you played rather nice the first time around you should probably listen to Leo if you get a second chance.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

@Reciprocality How do i respond to her? I basically copy pasted the last messages she sent me.

"Is it really friendly tho" and "What was weird about last time"

She says something like "yes very friendly" and "haha nevermind, beer in empty stomach i guess"

Any texting advice to proceed. I really suck at texting.

You can either ignore her BS, flip it around on her, or flirt back.

Ignore would simply be safest.

• I'll see you Sunday at 6pm. Wear something cute and don't be late.

Flip it around on her would be something like:

• Don't worry, I'll make sure you're not weird next time

Flirt back would be like:

• I will befriend the shit out of you.
• I will befriend your brains out. (This one is risky)
• If you don't behave I've give you a friendly spanking.
• Don't worry, this time you can be my enemy. I keep my friends close but my enemies closer
• We can fill your belly this time. (Risky)

[Yali]

@Leo Gura Do you plan on making more videos on relationships & dating? Or have you exhausted this topic?

Edited February 17, 2022 by Yali

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Yali said:

@Leo Gura Do you plan on making more videos on relationships & dating? Or have you exhausted this topic?

Not sure

Relationships yes

[Hello from Russia]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

• Don't worry, this time you can be my enemy. I keep my friends close but my enemies closer.

Damn, this is so good

[Yali]

@Leo Gura http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm

Quote

Relationships yes

Familiarize yourself with Socionics Intertype relations. This is crucial to understand. 

[Karmadhi]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You can either ignore her BS, flip it around on her, or flirt back.

Ignore would simply be safest.

Thing is i do not have a clear meet day yet. She said "unsure" about the weekend and the only day i can meet her is when she will probably be with other people and fuck that. 

What is worse is that i need to get out of her game shit first, so i think flirting back is the best thing to do atm.

 

 

 

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Karmadhi]

28 minutes ago, Reciprocality said:

I'm sorry but I wont dictate an appropriate text for you.

In fact I think you should call her if you first text that you want to, and say you are into her. I mean you said it yourself that texting is not your thing, it is not mine either and calling at an appropriate time has helped me in similar situations.

How to do it, well that is precisely what i think you should figure out yourself.

Yeah that is my last resort, but i prefer to do these things implicitly rather than a big "i like you" stuff.

 

[Karmadhi]

32 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Obviously she's into you

If she is obviously into me why would she play these dumb games which could cost her me. Isnt it better for her to just implicitly go along with what i do instead of playing these dumb games. If i was into someone i would be happy to meet them instead of playing dumb games which could ruin the chances of me meeting them. At least this is how i think about stuff, maybe girls are different.

[Reciprocality]

@Karmadhi well she is a girl, I know it is considered politically incorrect or whatever to understand the fundamental difference between men and women in general but she probably have things to lose that you do not.

And she want to be a trophy, so instead of wasting time understanding her inner workings right now I believe you should accept that it is not easy to understand, as so many guys before you including me have had to accept.

[Cleopatra]

51 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Rookie mistake right there. You fucked up in that you didn't expect her to flake and didn't re-confirm with her via text.

ALWAYS expect girls to flake on you and plan accordingly. You always text her to confirm she's coming the day of, and even the hour of the date. If she doesn't confirm you don't leave your house.

Sounds like she's being dumb and playing games. She does not want to take any responsibility for sex.

Obviously she's into you. Proceed as if she will sleep with you.

Escalate more heavily next time to make sure she's not gonna friend-zone you. Start rubbing her body in sexual ways and turn her on. If she tries to friend-zone you, continue to escalate and force her to leave you or accept your sexuality. If she tells you she just wants to be friends, don't flinch or get angry, just keep escalating until you force to walk away. If she walks away, fine, you did the best you could and it's her fault for playing these games.

Girls will be very flakey and coy. Don't let that faze you. Just keep holding your frame and don't allow them to friendzone you. You know you want her so go for it. If she rejects you, let her reject you hard. Otherwise assume she wants it.

Escalating with a reluctant woman is coercive. If a lady is friend zoning someone, then she's not interested or at least not interested for any self respecting person to keep pursuing. Escalating until a lady has to walk away from you is a scummy thing to do. Also there's a percentage of women who will give in due to freeze responses or deceive themselves that its okay since the guy is trying so hard and then regret it later. 

[Karmadhi]

Just now, Cleopatra said:

Escalating with a reluctant woman is coercive. If a lady is friend zoning someone, then she's not interested or at least not interested for any self respecting person to keep pursuing. Escalating until a lady has to walk away from you is a scummy thing to do. Also there's a percentage of women who will give in due to freeze responses or deceive themselves that its okay since the guy is trying so hard and then regret it later. 

Leo is saying what works, not what fits the female agenda.

[Karmadhi]

18 minutes ago, Reciprocality said:

well she is a girl, I know it is considered politically incorrect or whatever to understand the fundamental difference between men and women in general but she probably have things to lose that you do not.

And she want to be a trophy, so instead of wasting time understanding her inner workings right now I believe you should accept that it is not easy to understand, as so many guys before you including me have had to accept.

I know man i learned that 2 years ago. Each failed date, a lesson never to be repeated.

Funny enough 3 months ago i lost a super dtf girl because i did not kiss her on the first date when she clearly wanted to (i made a post about that also) and now i am getting "shit" for kissing someone on the first date.

The BS is endless with girls.

Edited February 17, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

49 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Thing is i do not have a clear meet day yet. She said "unsure" about the weekend and the only day i can meet her is when she will probably be with other people and fuck that.

Just text her: "What days are you free?"

37 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

If she is obviously into me why would she play these dumb games which could cost her me. Isnt it better for her to just implicitly go along with what i do instead of playing these dumb games. If i was into someone i would be happy to meet them instead of playing dumb games which could ruin the chances of me meeting them. At least this is how i think about stuff, maybe girls are different.

Girls plays dumb games all the time. She already played a dumb game on you by not even showing up to your date. She has nearly zero investment in you until sex, so she's not worried about losing you. You're the one worried about losing her. So she has power over you.

You are fundamentally not understanding how investment works for girls.

She does not want to take responsibility for sex. She wants it to be an accident of socialization. That means you gotta play dumb along with her.

[Reciprocality]

@Karmadhi Haha well there are levels to fuck-ups it seems, though I don't really think you are fucked at all.

It won't sort itself out however, so it is a matter of responsibility, and only you can take it for she obviously needs you to lead.