Feb 16 to Feb 24

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

1 minute ago, Something Funny said:

@Preety_India oh, I see, that sucks. I didn't even think about it being an issue.

Have you ever thought about moving out to some other country?

I've never lived alone in my life. Moving to another country can be a big decision.

Plus you simply cannot live in another country. You need a visa for that.

Sometimes you get a visa, sometimes you don't.

Plus no visa is permanent and permanent citizenship is a pipedream.

Also all of this needs a lot of money in traveling back and forth.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

She deserves to rot in hell.

If I happen to die because of her, I hope hell comes to her.

Hell will get her. She is not a mother. This is not a mother. This is a monster in disguise.. I hate how such women get the right to be a mother.

She caused my father's death. Hell will come to her.

She has given me infinite pain to deal with. I hope God never has mercy on her

Because of her I suffered so much.

And she hasn't learned her lesson even after whatever happened to my dad.

I suffered tremendous child abuse because of her and I hope she rots in the darkest corner of hell. She doesn't deserve anything good.

I have never had such intense hate for anyone in my life. Except this person.

I cannot forgive the person who caused my fathers death.

I'm so terrified right now. All the trauma comes back and makes me weak.

If I die, her karma will be very bad. She will have to answer God. You can't give birth to a child and then torture that child. No you don't have that right.

That's why I'm against abortion.

These women they murder the fetus.

The fetus is suffering and crying for help.

And the mother butchers the fetus because somehow she has the right to do it?

She has absolutely zero mercy.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

And then she plays victim to neighbors.

She makes me look like a bad daughter.

She hurts me punishes me.

I'm so anxious right now. I try to distract myself because it's hard for me to focus on this negativity.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Venting helps me a lot. It's like throwing poison out of your system into this journal.

Coping with a situation.

Right now the only solution is to cope somehow.

Cope with the situation

Be gentle with yourself.

I'm crying so badly right now.

I need some gentleness.

I wish someone would just hug and tell me everything will be okay.

Someone who would just hold my hands and calm down my panic.

Someone who would give me love.

The only thing to do now is to be as gentle as possible. Take a deep breath and be calm.

I'm super emotional right now with little control over my emotions.

My dad's dead body/corpse constantly comes to my mind. How he died.. Why he died.

I wish someone could lay me down and stroke my forehead and tell me everything is alright.

Because I'm crying and feeling so fragile right now.

I tried to sleep through my panic attack.

But when I woke up, I broke out in nervousness.

Don't cry please. Please.

My muscles are weak right now from Covid.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Preety_India

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Trying to relax now with this.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Preety_India

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Just now, Something Funny said:

@Preety_India have you thought about watching a movie or a TV show toget your mind distracted from all of that for some time?

Yes I usually watch sea ocean documentaries. Best distraction.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

@Something Funny why is it weird though?

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

@Something Funny I usually appreciate relaxing things. The ocean and fishes help me relax and unwind.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Some relaxing imagery.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Hey buttercup,

Just try to be gentle with yourself. I know you are going through a lot.

But it will be okay.

Loving yourself begins with gentleness.

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

I still feel a bit tired.

I'll need to split my personality into two parts. PREETY A AND PREETY B.

PREETY A IS ME MYSELF.

PREETY B IS MY HIGHER LOVING SELF.

PREETY A IS BUTTERCUP

PREETY B IS COMFORTER.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Preety_India

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Hey buttercup, so what's up?

I'm feeling a bit drained,empty stressed right now. Very deeply anxious. The cough isn't completely gone. My sinuses are stuffed. She was kinda throwing anger. Acting like a bully

(I really need a split personality to talk to me. Something like my own mirror image talking to me).

Hey buttercup, just take a deep breath again and relax please. Be gentle. Be calm. Take baby steps and slowly do things. No need to hurry. And no need to worry.

I had multiple panic attacks in the past 24 hours. I'm trying to stay calm and relax as much as possible. It's so hard.

I'm still having throbbing pain. I really need to learn how to completely relax.

Since yesterday I've gone into some panic, frenzy mode.

The most important step is to love myself.

And this thread. I had it locked. It was scaring the shit out of me.

Love yourself.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Preety_India

Preety_India · February 16, 2022

Preety_India · February 17, 2022

Yes women feel objectified. I am a woman and I feel objectified if some guy told me that he wants me only for sex. It's deeply hurtful and repulsive. It's a feeling I cannot convey to you as a woman because you're a man and you probably wouldn't understand it, you'll need to be a woman to know how it feels.

A woman wants to feel valued in a relationship, not used for a man's needs. She wants a man to like her, want her for more than her beauty, body or sex. This is genuine feminine expression. I'm sure most women feel similar or this seems familiar to them.

That's why I don't do casual sex. Because I feel, by doing casual sex, my value worth as a woman degrades. This is just me (as a woman).

If a man asked me for casual sex, I would feel humiliated and degraded. I'm trying my best to articulate my feelings as a woman here.

It's like being treated like a doll in a porcelain shop or being treated like a piece of meat for a man to chew into and take a bite and leave. Doesn't feel good. Feels like a sex slave whose only objective in life is to satisfy male hunger and thirst.

Of course sex is an integral part of a relationship. Who denies that. Yet to be wanted and desired only for sex feels repulsive. This is core feminine.

You can't dictate how a woman feels as a man yourself, but you can try to understand her feelings instead of denying them.

If you want intimacy with a woman, then understand her emotions rather than denying it.

I want a man who makes me feel that I'm a woman, not for sexual gratification of his desires, but for his admiration, his deep love for me, his affection for me and his connection with me. Sex will be a part of it. Yet I want more from a man than just sex.

If a man only wants sex, hire a prostitute, but don't play with a woman's heart, make her feel loved and then make her feel used?

Most women who play along and have casual sex with men for whatever reasons, that's okay. But a woman who is allowing a man to use her sexually isn't in touch with her deep feminine.

Feminine is beautiful. Feminine is deep. Feminine is sensitive. Feminine is gentle. Feminine is delicate. Feminine is wise.

Don't take advantage of femininity for your greed. Understand and cooperate with it, flow and harmonize. Don't be a sex monkey.

What if a woman approached a man and said - "I love you only for your money and nothing else" Won't he feel objectified? I'm sure he would like a piece of rubbish and unloved on top of that.

Don't make a woman feel what she doesn't want, what she deeply detests. If you do that and insist on doing that, you aren't really loving her.

Love a woman as a woman wants to be loved or don't love her at all.

Preety_India · February 17, 2022