What to talk about with girls ?

[Someone here]

 

I'm interested in a long term relationship so I go out and talk to women. I'm able to start a conversation pretty much with any girl. My problem is that after few sentences or minutes of talking I don't know what to say next. I'm able to talk only about "serious" things like carrier, etc. My friends can talk to the women about totall bullshits, make girls laught and I admire that.

I don't think that my problem is that I care too much what girls think of me. I simply have nothing to say.

I attend Toastmasters and same problem here. When it comes to the Table topics where I have to improvize 1 minute. I say one or two sentences and run out of things to say.

 

Can you recommend me something (book, exercise, video) to train improvization/small talk skills? Does anyone have the same problem?

 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Someone here

[NoSelfSelf]

I have same problem and i found out its just we try to hide behinde what to talk about because we are not comfortable showing our true self(thinking we are not enough) and we are not familiar with who we are so we dont know what should be said because we dont know ourselves thats what i got so far...

[hamedsf]

conversation with girls ain't that hard. don't think that you need a system, method or technique to have a good conversation with women.

like if you're talking with her for the first time superficial stuff is enough, like you can talk about the weather and then link it to her favorite season or month of the year or guess which season she looks like to be born in and then from there, you can stretch out and connect it to her favorite activities and you can ask her favorite hobbies or interesting fashion styles and as you can see you can bring up just one topic and you see there could be many branches and you can talk for hours. 

[Etherial Cat]

@Someone here

What are you hobbies, interests and favorite subjects in general?

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Someone here Use your social skills to make friends and be very social with everyone, without a specific intent like pickup, etc. Just be social and friendly, and develop a wide network of contacts. If you have a social circle then you will be able to see which woman you attracted to, have chemistry with, etc. 

This way it's more authentic and harmonious, because walking around with the specific intent of picking up woman without a broader purpose may turn woman off and it will be more difficult for you

[Preety_India]

 

This problem is obvious. But you can ask questions and then maybe find something common to discuss about. 

You can also read a variety of books and maybe ask her if she is into reading and then discuss those books. Bringing something up for conversation is a hard thing. If you have your phone in your hand you could show her some silly YouTube video. 

Discuss the weather. Discuss the news just anything. 

 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

But that will be boring, and she will flake.

Then move to the next girl

 

[Leo Gura]

Talk about yourself like a narcissist.

[Etherial Cat]

51 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Same issue. The girls I approach are complete strangers. I know nothing about them. 

What the fuck do I talk with them about, that will also make them laugh?

Do you have the opportunity to meet women in your everyday life?

The easiest thing to do is to get familiar with talking to girls without any special expectations and thus have a good basis for approaching romantic relationships.

I notice that a lot of guys who claim to be great at pick up really lack this basis, and as a consequence have a distorted image of femininity. Interacting with girls and women from all age casually will help you build a different image of what women are and normalize your relationship to females.

If you're afraid of us, or have difficulties chatting with women in general, it means that you're afraid or at discomfort with the mental image you've built up of women.

My second advice will be to take the time to reflect on your own hobbies, favorite subjects and so forth, then attends events or social opportunities related to these hobbies and interact with the girls there. Is there any peculiar things you enjoy? 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Someone here said:

Can you recommend me something (book, exercise, video) to train improvization/small talk skills? Does anyone have the same problem?

With a dreamboard full of what’s wanted, life is full of passion & interests, doubt & self referential thoughts are recognized and released, and as thoughts attract thoughts naturally… you attract people in kind & thus ‘click’ on that wavelength / vibration. ? Your expression comes first, the board as a means… you’re manifesting the interactions, but the difference is, consciously. Awareness ‘I’m creating this’ is thrilling. What to talk about becomes such a ‘issue’ of the past, you’ll forget you ever thought that way. You’ll be like, oh, duh, she has a dream within her too, just, like, me. And she’ll be thinkin the same, of you. 

More specifically… the simplest tool for this…

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/improv-writing

[Waves]

Mostly talking from day game and dates experiences: make observations, assumptions, guesses about her, keep it playful and chill. 

Get curious about how she is as a person, her personality, her perspectives, her qualities, her dreams, her fears, her quirks. Find out how she is uniquely beautiful, dig to find her humanness, and don't forget to tease her in the process

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

@Someone here

What are you hobbies, interests and favorite subjects in general?

 

I like playing music and reading books .hiking sometimes. 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Medhansh said:

Same issue. The girls I approach are complete strangers. I know nothing about them. 

 

What the fuck do I talk with them about, that will also make them laugh?

Yes, I want to know too! I need to practice this a lot. Well actually I don't need to, I don't even have a desire talking about petty, unimportant shit and I only say as much as I need to say about the topics that I wanna talk about, but we all know that people skills are just important to live in the matrix. Especially if you wanna attract girls and be funny, or attract clients. And I want both. So it doesn't matter if I like that idea or not, I must practice this skill. Being good at smalltalk and being funny is a powerful people skill.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

 

This problem is obvious. But you can ask questions and then maybe find something common to discuss about. 

You can also read a variety of books and maybe ask her if she is into reading and then discuss those books. Bringing something up for conversation is a hard thing. If you have your phone in your hand you could show her some silly YouTube video. 

Discuss the weather. Discuss the news just anything. 

 

I have never liked small talk or been good at it. I have tried to fake it many times, because I thought that was what you were supposed to do on dates. But then I just got very annoyed and bored with the faking. I decided that the person who I'm meant to be with has to like me for who I am.

When I was on the first date with my current serious girlfriend, I was actually really nervous, because I liked her a lot. Therefore what came out of my mouth was a mix of bad jokes, bizarre comments and on my past and childhood traumas. I made like every imaginable social conduct mistake ever. The date was a blur of sweating, embarrassment and other emotions.

Several months later we started to talk about our first date. She said she had thought that I was absolutely adorable and that he actually fell in love with my frankness and the ability to share deep stuff so soon

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Talk about yourself like a narcissist.

 .why ?

41 minutes ago, Nahm said:

With a dreamboard full of what’s wanted, life is full of passion & interests, doubt & self referential thoughts are recognized and released, and as thoughts attract thoughts naturally… you attract people in kind & thus ‘click’ on that wavelength / vibration. ? Your expression comes first, the board as a means… you’re manifesting the interactions, but the difference is, consciously. Awareness ‘I’m creating this’ is thrilling. What to talk about becomes such a ‘issue’ of the past, you’ll forget you ever thought that way. You’ll be like, oh, duh, she has a dream within her too, just, like, me. And she’ll be thinkin the same, of you. 

More specifically… the simplest tool for this…

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/improv-writing

Should I write on the dream board that my dream girl should be blonde lol ..like is that how you go about this dream board business ?

[Nahm]

@Someone here

Yes! Any details that arise.

and… will be! (Vs should be). 

Don’t expect - receive. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

When I was on the first date with my current serious girlfriend, I was actually really nervous, because I liked her a lot. Therefore what came out of my mouth was a mix of bad jokes, bizarre comments and on my past and childhood traumas. I made like every imaginable social conduct mistake ever. The date was a blur of sweating, embarrassment and other emotions.

Several months later we started to talk about our first date. She said she had thought that I was absolutely adorable and that he actually fell in love with my frankness and the ability to share deep stuff so soon

I kinda didn't get you. You already have a gf then why are you asking about what to talk to girls about? Have you broken up and moving on and looking for a new gf and that's what this is about? Or you are asking what to talk to your current girlfriend about? I'm confused. 

[Someone here]

@Preety_India yes we broke up a year ago and I'm looking for a new one. 

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Someone here

Yes! Any details that arise.

and… will be! (Vs should be). 

Don’t expect - receive. 

What about sexual details ?should I write that too ?

[Nahm]

@Someone here

Whatever you want. ?? 

‘Should’ does not apply. 

[Etherial Cat]

41 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Oh no, I don't interact naturally with many women on a daily basis. Or men.

About the hobbies part, I don't have any.

Also, I forgot that I am depressed. So maybe I need to focus more on my inner game. 

Thanks for reminding me of my priorities.

If I were you, I'd work on my healing, figuring out what you truly enjoy and then cultivating new social circles. You'll then meet girls there, and have subject to talk about that truly resonate with your experience.

30 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I like playing music and reading books .hiking sometimes. 

Find girls in these circles. Attends social events related to these elements, and start to interact with girls there platonically first.

[ValiantSalvatore]

To add some ideas and experiences. I do have similar issues, yet mostly in a group I am unsure what to talk about because I focus in on one person mostly. 

Yet for all my dates I had online and offline I basically dominated the conversation as I saw no other choice. I talked for approx 2h+- on dates etc. Just because I legit can. It was not forced in anyway. I mostly talked about travel experiences, similarities we both study the same thing, like the same thing, asked her what she is interested in or where she travelled to. Hobbies. If she is currently reading smth. Asking questions generally is good as the question will most likely be thrown back at you, so you can talk about yourself. Good topics are history, violence for example or anything about culture. Projects that I am working on, goals, aspirations etc. In a chill and casual manner. Or with excitement also frustration the whole spectrum basically. Meditation. Meditation retreats etc.

I even talked about quiet a racist book I orderd about black history and the women I dated loved it and bought the same book. I told her I was so pissed reading this. Then we talked about astrology and stuff like this also. We still want to meet she wants smth. casual. 

Astrology, hand reading anything stage purple is gold, yet tbh I also hate it at the sametime. Women seem to love this stuff l don't know why. 

I did a personality exercise called the cube game to learn smth. about the person you can do it with anyone girls,guys etc. A lot of women liked this a lot and then wanted to do it with me which also can tell you a lot about the other partner. 

https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/quick-personality-test

I did it because I like stuff like this. 

I'd steer away from politics as this can be to polarazing and at the sametime I've done it, it was okay, yet not the best topic to talk about. For example one girl told me she would never date someone who has a moderate political leaning again. I am unsure why, she told me why I don't recall anymore. I did not go further into it, she said I am glad that you identify as liberal. 
---
I am unsure how it is when you approach someone on the street from the infield I saw just from normal dudes, they mostly just asked where are you going, what are you doing, you have a gym bag are you going to the gym, hey you come here often for coffee etc. This is my dog etc. I do this and this here with a bit of nuance. Basically just self-revelatory stuff with a bit of small talk and observations as well as assumptions. For example you look like you are from Italy are you from city X? 

This is basically what you could talk about with almost anyone disregarding age, gender etc. I mostly think the energy and intent behind it is way more important. 

I did not do any day approaches till now only night and online-game. I have female friends that I meet from time to time, so conversations come easy to me especially 1v1. 

I am not the best in groups. Hope this is helpful somehow. 

Good topics are violence, history, drama, pop-news, culture, arts, traveling, fitness, events in my point of view. Topics that don't seem to be so interesting or to polarazing are politics, tech, philosohpy, video games, sports etc.

Also this depends I dunno if you see smth. observational like she talked about some tech topic or video game etc. Then you can easily talk about this for example.

Day game looks differently from seeing some infield it's not as elaborate as on a date. I bet people can also pull/sexualize things way faster. Inuendos and double entendres seem to be good for that, yet I am not very good at that yet. In terms of being social. 

Edited February 15, 2022 by ValiantSalvatore