How to improve text game?

[Illusory Self]

Lately, I have been struggling massively with text game. I feel like I don't know 'how to respond' whenever I get a message from a women so I typically just leave it. I will get a lot of matches online, sometimes phone numbers. I will usually take a while to respond or the conversation will stale out. I have this fear of setting the wrong frame when it comes to interacting with women. It can be quite easy to do that over text. I have been thinking about doing mechanical techniques/same text routines but I would rather develop a more natural style of game. 

I do sometimes tend to use some of the same lines to start a convo just because I know they work, but that is just me relying on lines for good game. I don't want to be that person who only relies on having a 'specific' set of lines to text women to set up dates. That feels way to mechanical for me. 

I feel like I know the general concepts of good text game interactions from watching youtube videos, but women's responses vary so differently. It's so tricky because women think one thing & say another thing, they expect you to read between the lines & move things forward. I will sometimes just look at the conversation for 10-20 minutes not knowing what to say, I will even think about it when I am doing my daily chores. How do I respond to this situation? 

I notice my mind tends to want to respond to how she texts me, giving her some kind of logical answer to the response simply based on just having a 'blank mind' Instead of having a game plan in my own mind on how I need to move this interaction forward. 

It hurts my mind having to think about keeping the same level of investment, vibing, flirting, moving the conversation forward. I will always ask myself 'what is the most optimal response' to this situation I am which typically leaves me in analysis paralysis.

Edited February 14, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Leo Gura]

Dude, for online dating apps your texts should be cookie-cutter. Don't waste time crafting custom texts on there. You flirt a few lines with some funny stuff and then you ask for her number and invite her on date and set up logistics. Don't get fucking fancy.

If a girl is into you she doesn't need fancy lines to go on a date with you. And if she's not into you, no amount of fancy texting with get her out on a date.

The more effort you put into your texts, the more try-hard it will seem, the more turned off she will get. Your texts need to convey as little investment from you as possible.

[hamedsf]

I don't care how good you are with texting or even conversation in real life.
if she's attracted, she'll help you in texting or conversation in real life. if not, even the most god-like conversationalist skill will not make her talk to you.  
plus, don't waste your time online, go out and find girls in your community, social circle, or public places. 

[Mosess]

learn how logic works

you type using words

words are communicated through a certain logic

so you hi will portal game now sun.

this sentence makes no sense, to anyone, because there is not logic to it.

learning how logic works instantly improves text game

[Tim R]

2 hours ago, Mosess said:

learning how logic works instantly improves text game

@Mosess Logic is the last thing that is going to improve text game... You're flirting with a girl ffs, not talking to Immanuel Kant... 

[Nahm]

21 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

Lately, I have been struggling massively with text game. I feel like I don't know 'how to respond' whenever I get a message from a women so I typically just leave it. I will get a lot of matches online, sometimes phone numbers. I will usually take a while to respond or the conversation will stale out. I have this fear of setting the wrong frame when it comes to interacting with women. It can be quite easy to do that over text. I have been thinking about doing mechanical techniques/same text routines but I would rather develop a more natural style of game. 

How does the notion of taking the ‘game’ out feel? 

How does the notion of taking the ‘wrong’ (judgement) feel? 

Quote

I do sometimes tend to use some of the same lines to start a convo just because I know they work, but that is just me relying on lines for good game. I don't want to be that person who only relies on having a 'specific' set of lines to text women to set up dates. That feels way to mechanical for me. 

Understandable. Then why are you thinking that way still, and continuing to, when it feels discordant? 

Quote

I feel like I know the general concepts of good text game interactions from watching youtube videos, but women's responses vary so differently. It's so tricky because women think one thing & say another thing, they expect you to read between the lines & move things forward. I will sometimes just look at the conversation for 10-20 minutes not knowing what to say, I will even think about it when I am doing my daily chores. How do I respond to this situation? 

Write down what you actually want to say. Look at it. Slim it down to only what’s relevant. Text that. 

Quote

I notice my mind tends to want to respond to how she texts me, giving her some kind of logical answer to the response simply based on just having a 'blank mind' Instead of having a game plan in my own mind on how I need to move this interaction forward. 

Take the ‘game plan’ thinking out of the mix, and focus on & express, what you want. Want to meet? Express that. 

Quote

It hurts my mind having to think about keeping the same level of investment, vibing, flirting, moving the conversation forward. I will always ask myself 'what is the most optimal response' to this situation I am which typically leaves me in analysis paralysis.

Without all the unnecessary thinking, it naturally arises. But you’re already eyeballs deep in this way of thinking. So the ‘solution’ is that there isn’t and never was a problem… you just learned a way of thinking which is discordant to you. 

Try writing what you want on a dreamboard, and then instead of thinking, do something you enjoy.  

[something_else]

4 hours ago, Mosess said:

learn how logic works

you type using words

words are communicated through a certain logic

so you hi will portal game now sun.

this sentence makes no sense, to anyone, because there is not logic to it.

learning how logic works instantly improves text game

Logical conversation is like an interview. You ask a question, I answer. I ask a question, you answer. Repeat

That’a what a logical conversation looks like, and it is boring as hell. Dropping logic and letting your emotions speak is way better

[Mosess]

7 hours ago, something_else said:

Logical conversation is like an interview. You ask a question, I answer. I ask a question, you answer. Repeat

That’a what a logical conversation looks like, and it is boring as hell. Dropping logic and letting your emotions speak is way better

?, ?...

you are missing the emojis part of that, learn that too 

it adds spice to it if you use it correctly, with right timing, as combined with direct clear and logical texting

?

[something_else]

10 hours ago, Mosess said:

?, ?...

you are missing the emojis part of that, learn that too 

it adds spice to it if you use it correctly, with right timing, as combined with direct clear and logical texting

?

Emojis are a mixed bag. Sometimes they can make you seem super needy

Direct, clear and logical texting is boring. That was my overall point. You want to text with ambiguity, mystery and playfulness. It's so easy for texting to become boring. Most of the girls I've met online and lost, I've lost because the texts become boring and way too logical and interview like

[Roy]

If you are getting a lot of matches online, you have a great opportunity to improve by practicing. Say a bunch of different stuff, try things out. Even if it's out of character or not your personality. Dating apps are low investment, so start throwing darts at the board and see what sticks.

What's the worst that can happen? You get unmatched, so what? Just don't sexually harass them, but start firing away!

[flowboy]

On 14/02/2022 at 10:18 PM, Illusory Self said:

Lately, I have been struggling massively with text game. I feel like I don't know 'how to respond' whenever I get a message from a women so I typically just leave it. I will get a lot of matches online, sometimes phone numbers. I will usually take a while to respond or the conversation will stale out. I have this fear of setting the wrong frame when it comes to interacting with women. It can be quite easy to do that over text. I have been thinking about doing mechanical techniques/same text routines but I would rather develop a more natural style of game. 

I do sometimes tend to use some of the same lines to start a convo just because I know they work, but that is just me relying on lines for good game. I don't want to be that person who only relies on having a 'specific' set of lines to text women to set up dates. That feels way to mechanical for me. 

I feel like I know the general concepts of good text game interactions from watching youtube videos, but women's responses vary so differently. It's so tricky because women think one thing & say another thing, they expect you to read between the lines & move things forward. I will sometimes just look at the conversation for 10-20 minutes not knowing what to say, I will even think about it when I am doing my daily chores. How do I respond to this situation? 

I notice my mind tends to want to respond to how she texts me, giving her some kind of logical answer to the response simply based on just having a 'blank mind' Instead of having a game plan in my own mind on how I need to move this interaction forward. 

It hurts my mind having to think about keeping the same level of investment, vibing, flirting, moving the conversation forward. I will always ask myself 'what is the most optimal response' to this situation I am which typically leaves me in analysis paralysis.

Honestly, you're focusing on the wrong thing.

This is how to text without expending the painful amount of energy that you are doing:

Say the first thing that comes to mind

If that consistently turns all girls off, then the problem is elsewhere.

See, natural texting is not a separate component you should be working on, unless you enjoy torturing yourself.

It's only a reflection of your natural personality.

Therefore, it should cost you literally no more energy to do it than it takes to move your fingers.

 

Every thing that can go wrong with your texting conversations (which should be very short anyway before you proceed to the date), points to a problem with your inner state, and that's the level that it should be solved at.

Examples:

• Being too logical in a text: means you're too in your head, also in face to face contact. This means you're overanalyzing, which is a defense mechanism created as a response to past pain. Solution is to do embodied practices combined with shadow work, inner child work or trauma healing.
• Being too sexual in a text: means you're too needy in daily life. Something is missing, and you're projecting that having sex is it. But it's not. It's either self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, or life purpose.
• Not being funny: usually means you're too attached to the outcome. Getting this girl is a life-or-death situation to you, you're working so hard at it that you can't even be light hearted and willing to say something weird anymore. Solution is to build self-worth and life purpose.
• Using lines that you know work: means you feel that your own personality isn't good enough. Solution is to learn to let go and be yourself face to face with a girl, also working on self-worth, authenticity and radical honesty. 'Models' by Mark Manson would be a good book.
• Being afraid to escalate / not knowing how: actually you know how, you're just afraid she won't accept it. Meaning you lack acceptance, which you're trying to get from her. But actually you lack self-acceptance, which if you had it, you would be free to say whatever the hell you wanted and it would probably work, and if it didn't, you'd still feel fine and wouldn't dwell on it, because you accept yourself, fuckups and all.
  
  Because saying the right thing is just what happens when you are a mentally healthy man who is on his path. You don't have to think about it.

Et cetera, et cetera.

These are just examples, all of which I HAVE DONE by the way, so don't take this as me telling you how much better I am. I've been a huge overthinker when texting, and thankfully, I don't do that anymore. I say whatever the hell comes to mind, and get dates consistently.

What you're trying to do is to not let your inner game issues shine through in the text.

It's a lot of work to 'impersonate' someone who has self-worth, is non-needy and loves themselves.

And it's all for nothing, because then you meet them and they find out that you don't have those things anyway.

You get much better ROI by actually working on yourself, rather than pretending to be someone you're not.

It solves everything.

?

Edited February 16, 2022 by flowboy

[Mosess]

On 2022-02-16 at 5:02 PM, something_else said:

Emojis are a mixed bag. Sometimes they can make you seem super needy

Direct, clear and logical texting is boring. That was my overall point. You want to text with ambiguity, mystery and playfulness. It's so easy for texting to become boring. Most of the girls I've met online and lost, I've lost because the texts become boring and way too logical and interview like

no, you lost them because you did not execute fast enough

you don't want to be playful and mysterious and all that over text, you want to be that over a date, face to face.

you are overthinking texting as something important, it should be the least of your concerns, only a way to set up dates via execution, logistics, and just a liiittlle playfulness every now and then, but not to much.

Remember, you got a life, spending hours a day texting a women sub communicates that her life is much more interesting than yours.

Apply what i said above, and the tables are turned 180%, and that is what you want.