I feel like putting a gun to my head

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Dude, which part of India do you live in?

Also that place had water and ventilation issues as well. 

The places that had good food, water and ventilation were extremely expensive. 

 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Dude, which part of India do you live in?

And not just that. I can't afford to take risk on my health anymore. I'm in a fragile state. Right now in my apartment I have everything. But if I moved out to a place with contaminated water and problems then I will be taking a big risk on my health and safety.

I don't want to make my situation worse. If it gets worse I have nobody to help me.. I have to be strategic and not end up doing something foolish just to be separated from my mother. 

In the last place where I moved out I wasn't even able to get sleep because of bad ventilation. 

I can't take such risks anymore. My body is already fucked up from years of emotional trauma and the medical issues from it. 

The only place I'm safe medically is my own home where I get clean water. Etc. But it's the mental part. I get panic attacks and terrified every day. Otherwise my place is very good health wise. 

 

[Preety_India]

25 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Dude, which part of India do you live in?

The last place that I was living in 2019, I had bouts of diarrhea and it completely ruined my health. Because the food was so bad in that place that I had to order food. There was no kitchen there. It was tough. 

I don't want to land up in the same situation again where I end up risking my health. 

Like I said my health is very delicate right now.. Even one bad meal can make me sick for a week. 

So just living anywhere is not an option for me. 

And living in a place with good basic amenities means shelling out a lot of money. 

 

[puporing]

@Preety_India That sounds just extremely tough... I understand what you mean by making the best decision with what you have. I just feel like even the risk of what you described so far outweighs how much damage your mom is creating. Your health probably will have a hard time recovering with her around and constantly in high stress. But I understand the aloneness. I too have moved out without support at one point but I'm in Canada which may have been alot better (still had some shitty things to deal with). And I don't know what the work situation is like where you are. I've had to put up with some not great work to start. All in all there's probably not going to be an optimal solution here but you can make steps towards it. The psychological hole and turmoil in the aftermath will take much longer to heal but it has to start some place.

I still think this community could help you out somehow. Having some money will give you more options.

And when you say a decent place to rent cost money, how much are you talking about? It may not be as much for people overseas so we could probably easily make a successful fundraiser to get you going.

Edited February 16, 2022 by puporing

[Bow24]

I'm not sure how you can get out of your current situation, but I am sure that there is a way, and that killing yourself would be a bad decision.

If you really get to the point where you don't see any other options, you could run away from home and try to survive by yourself somehow; but i don't know how you could make some money/ whether there are any support groups at all/ any friends or relatives that could help you out... I don't know your whole situation, but I hope it will get better!

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Bow24 said:

I'm not sure how you can get out of your current situation, but I am sure that there is a way, and that killing yourself would be a bad decision.

If you really get to the point where you don't see any other options, you could run away from home and try to survive by yourself somehow; but i don't know how you could make some money/ whether there are any support groups at all/ any friends or relatives that could help you out... I don't know your whole situation, but I hope it will get better!

I'm looking into support groups in my area. 

I'm barely recovering from Covid so I wasn't going out much.

But within a few weeks I'll see options of support groups. 

Right now my health is so bad that I'm bed ridden. I have multiple injuries to recover from. 

Moving out right now seems impossible. My health has to be back in shape so I can at least run. I can't even walk or run because of my injuries. In such a case I'm a bit codependent on my mother and that's why things are so bad 

Yesterday I wasn't able to walk to the bathroom and I needed a walking stick to get there. You can see why I'm dependent so badly. 

Moving out alone is tough especially if you are not in optimal health. 

I have to exclusively focus on recovery right now for the next few weeks to months and get back up.. 

Then I have to meet support groups and people. It's a step by step process. 

Then eventually find a way to safely move out. 

Last time I moved out it was a complete disaster. I was scammed. I lived in a filthy place with bad contaminated water., My phone was stolen. I had brought a stove to cook food. That was stolen. I was not given keys to my room. I lived in pure misery. I left that place with great difficulty because they wouldn't return me my rent deposit. And they were ready to throw me out because of the pandemic.

I still don't think that money is a real issue. Even if I have the money I won't be ready to move out because of safety and health concerns. The health concern is bigger. Because many places in India it's very polluted and very unhygienic. Lot of health risk. 

The water system in the last place was broken and they won't repair it. 

If you don't have your own home, then things are extremely tough. 

I don't want to move out in the middle of my sickness and injury and make matters emergency level

Because who will take me to the hospital if I fall sick to the point of hospitalization? That would be a complete nightmare.. I will be totally helpless. That's why I have some codependency. 

Even if I want to move out I want to do it in a safe manner where I know I can handle living alone and I'll be safe and healthy. 

Finding a place in India is a big challenge. I thought it was easy.

I approached more than 20 ads for  rent in 2019 and I was rejected even if I had the money to pay. Because those places were already booked and or had issues and they didn't want to rent out. 

So at last I got a shitty place to live and it cost me my health very badly. 

That's why moving out looks like another nightmare to me

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Sorry if this sounds bad, but can't you send your mom to an old age home? What's the procedure for that kind of stuff?

I arranged for an old age mom last year. Called the people. Convinced her to go. She was ready to go. 

Then I enquired the person's number and details and decided to pay the first installment. 

The day I was ready to do it, my mother started yelling and said she will never go to an old age home, suddenly she changed her mind. 

Now you can't force someone to live in an old age home. 

I kinda feel that she would have been happy there among other old people because she has no company except me. 

 

Maybe she is also scared like me to live alone.. 

 

[Preety_India]

26 minutes ago, puporing said:

And when you say a decent place to rent cost money, how much are you talking about? It may not be as much for people overseas so we could probably easily make a successful fundraiser to get you going.

Money is really not such a big concern. 

I can raise the money here as well with local organizations that can help me with money. 

The main thing is a safe hygienic place to live. That's extremely hard to find. Most places are so bad that I will end up sick in the hospital. 

They just say in the ad that they have water.. But when you actually visit the place then there are water issues.

I once got gastroenteritis because of the water in the place and I needed immediate hospitalization in the middle of the night due to diarrhea. My condition was so bad that people had to carry me because I lost consciousness. 

I mean pretty shitty experiences living out. Even if you pay good money. 

 

[Preety_India]

@puporing right now I don't need money. I just need safety - physical safety, sexual safety, emotional safety. And I'm at a high risk of physical and emotional danger. Physical because she can get violent with me and hurt me badly. Emotional safety /danger because she is driving me nuts with her control issues. 

What I can do (and what I was planning to do since December before I got Covid), is find a safe place where I can work for free because I don't need the money. I just need a safe place. I can work there and come back home late so I have zero contact with my mom and less chances of any violence or control from her. 

I just have to find such a place where I can work safely all day, even if it's free work it's fine. 

Because I have my savings from my previous work for my food needs. So that won't be a problem. 

I can cook food at home, safe food so no health issues and I can carry food to that place where I work so I'm safe away from my mother. 

The problem is that I'm bedridden with fever because of Covid right now and all the injuries 

 

I will have to wait at least a month where I can finally safely go out and then find place to work at. A safe place. 

 

[Preety_India]

@puporing even when I'm typing right now my head is throbbing with pain because Covid can give really bad headache. So at the moment I really need to focus on recovery so I can at least go out. 

Time is really short and I need to act fast

 

 

 

[puporing]

@Preety_India Okay. I understand. I was actually thinking about that, where you could go somewhere during the day and not have to see her for the most part except to get your food and sleeping over. Once you get better from Covid that is.

Support groups sound like a great place to start, where hopefully you can meet healthier/nonviolent people. Are there many public spaces in India like libraries? What about schools? I know that attending costs money. I have no idea how it works there, but hypothetically I wonder if it's possible to study on a casual basis and just so you have access to the space at all times. 

The situation in India sounds horrible to me and I imagine there are many people like yourself as a result. I know even in Japan though surprisingly has a growing homeless youth problem caused by their family of origin for the most part and a very unsupportive social system.

Well in any case, feel free to dm me if your situation changes and you feel like a fundraiser could really help you with your goals. Would be happy to help organize a post on that (unless Leo tells me this is not allowed on here).

Edited February 16, 2022 by puporing

[Leo Gura]

@Preety_India Cope with it as best you can for now. Try to minimize drama and then focus on getting a job and moving out.

It's a terrible idea to live with parents once you're an adult and doing personal development and living your life on purpose. Parents must be kept at a safe distance because they will hold you back. You can visit them but never live with them.

[Hello from Russia]

You need to move out from her as soon as you can for sure, подругa 

Edited February 16, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[Preety_India]

57 minutes ago, puporing said:

@Preety_India Okay. I understand. I was actually thinking about that, where you could go somewhere during the day and not have to see her for the most part except to get your food and sleeping over. Once you get better from Covid that is.

Support groups sound like a great place to start, where hopefully you can meet healthier/nonviolent people. Are there many public spaces in India like libraries? What about schools? I know that attending costs money. I have no idea how it works there, but hypothetically I wonder if it's possible to study on a casual basis and just so you have access to the space at all times. 

The situation in India sounds horrible to me and I imagine there are many people like yourself as a result. I know even in Japan though surprisingly has a growing homeless youth problem caused by their family of origin for the most part and a very unsupportive social system.

Well in any case, feel free to dm me if your situation changes and you feel like a fundraiser could really help you with your goals. Would be happy to help organize a post on that (unless Leo tells me this is not allowed on here).

Thank you. 

 

[Preety_India]

@puporing  @Medhansh   @Breakingthewall  @Applegarden8 @Vincent S  @catcat69123  @John Paul @Something Funny @Vido @Hello from Russia @Bow24

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. They were very useful. 

 

[Bobby_2021]

I am going through the same problem.

My fathers behaviour drives me nuts. 

I end all my frustrations in the gym.

Strategically plan to move out. 

[Preety_India]

Can this topic be locked. I got enough helpful responses. 

I won't be returning to the thread. 

OP request. 

 

[Loving Radiance]

9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm looking into support groups in my area. 

I'm barely recovering from Covid so I wasn't going out much.

But within a few weeks I'll see options of support groups. 

Right now my health is so bad that I'm bed ridden. I have multiple injuries to recover from. 

Moving out right now seems impossible. My health has to be back in shape so I can at least run. I can't even walk or run because of my injuries. In such a case I'm a bit codependent on my mother and that's why things are so bad 

Yesterday I wasn't able to walk to the bathroom and I needed a walking stick to get there. You can see why I'm dependent so badly. 

Moving out alone is tough especially if you are not in optimal health. 

I have to exclusively focus on recovery right now for the next few weeks to months and get back up.. 

Then I have to meet support groups and people. It's a step by step process. 

Then eventually find a way to safely move out. 

Last time I moved out it was a complete disaster. I was scammed. I lived in a filthy place with bad contaminated water., My phone was stolen. I had brought a stove to cook food. That was stolen. I was not given keys to my room. I lived in pure misery. I left that place with great difficulty because they wouldn't return me my rent deposit. And they were ready to throw me out because of the pandemic.

I still don't think that money is a real issue. Even if I have the money I won't be ready to move out because of safety and health concerns. The health concern is bigger. Because many places in India it's very polluted and very unhygienic. Lot of health risk. 

The water system in the last place was broken and they won't repair it. 

If you don't have your own home, then things are extremely tough. 

I don't want to move out in the middle of my sickness and injury and make matters emergency level

Because who will take me to the hospital if I fall sick to the point of hospitalization? That would be a complete nightmare.. I will be totally helpless. That's why I have some codependency. 

Even if I want to move out I want to do it in a safe manner where I know I can handle living alone and I'll be safe and healthy. 

Finding a place in India is a big challenge. I thought it was easy.

I approached more than 20 ads for  rent in 2019 and I was rejected even if I had the money to pay. Because those places were already booked and or had issues and they didn't want to rent out. 

So at last I got a shitty place to live and it cost me my health very badly. 

That's why moving out looks like another nightmare to me

Once you can move on your own and can go to the support groups you can ask around about good places to live at. Ask them if they want to better their situation and if they want to team up with you. Together search out good places to live at and ask people about apartments. Don't wait for ads. Create a group of friends you live with so you aren't dependent to you mother.

 

@Bobby_2021 Besides the gym I'd also suggest emotional release tools: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLKmB51wF7NlDZgRnxUlt7BF60VQtciuH

Edited February 16, 2022 by Loving Radiance