I feel like putting a gun to my head

[Preety_India]

I just want to end this suffering. I had an argument with my mother. Then I simply sat talking to myself. And she threw a bottle in my direction. I'm terrified of her. 

I don't want to live in constant fear and tension. I just want to give up. I don't want to live being controlled 24/7. Being terrified 24/7. 

Would it be wrong if I killed myself this moment? 

 

[puporing]

@Preety_India Is there no way you could get away from her? Like just pick up your stuff and leave and find a new place? Maybe even move to a different city? Ughhh.. there's got to be something you can do! 

[Breakingthewall]

having narcissistic, unconscious, abusive, sadistic parents is a big piece of shit. If you want to get out of that and be at peace, be happy, you have a very serious mission ahead of you. everything you do, think, are, all your relationships, are soaked in it. you have captured its energy from the cradle. dissonance, fear, unhappiness. clearing yourself of that is a rebirth. those of us who were born with that scourge, we have to fight seriously. maybe we were murderers in another life or something?. don't shoot yourself in the head. for what? In a few years you will die anyway. accept the challenge and listen to the deepest part of you: what do you want? and for it. oh, and become independent right now, it doesn't matter how

[Applegarden8]

Would it be wrong if I killed myself this moment? Do not kill yourself. You will keep found out why as you live, If I have anything to say to you, it is the underlined phrase.

[itachi uchiha]

https://www.kriyayoga.com/Spiritual_Treasures.html

 

go to the site above , download a 3 gb torrent file and start practicing kriya yoga.the magic of above version of kriya yoga is that it can be practiced today and u get result todya onwards. all u need is to find the belly button and feel that point. then from a video u can easily find the point of chakras. i am telling u kriya yoga was more easier to learn than do nothing meditation. kriya yoga give psychidelic states for 8 hours and shuts down 80% of functions of monkey mind and give u a self transcending experience very quickly that u will realize that u r  not your thoughts. kriya yoga is the fastest way to decently waking up from your dream

Edited February 15, 2022 by itachi uchiha

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

Call a trained person who can & very much wants to help. Call now, don’t put it off. 

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

?

 

[Vincent S]

Get away from your mother. Look for new possible outcomes of you living a independant life, away from her.
I know you have mentioned that she is the one that lives with you. But you dont have to put up with this kind of thing.
Kindly ask her to move out. If you in any way shape or form think that its not a thing a conscious person would do (kick their mother out)
then you are making a trap for yourself. Conscious person would do whats best for the outcome of their own life. And judging by your past topics. Your mother seems like a nightmare to be around. Was same thing with my dad.

This isnt something to kill yourself over. Comon, give yourself a break, and respect yourself more than that.
You are worthy of better. Self-Love.

 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Vincent S

[Cathal]

@Preety_India man you r really quite a wonderful person. i do understand what you mean, but only this thought comes up because i think you believe you can't escape. 

theres a lot to write but all im going to say to you is the only thing to do is put the energy and focus on leaving your house.

if that means joining a commune, a tribe, a volunteering camp etc etc then fuck it! i did it once and it was the most valuable experience i ever had.

the greatest adventure is yet to come for you ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[John Paul]

get out of there. now. don't even think about it. never speak to her again. mean it.

 

[Preety_India]

38 minutes ago, John Paul said:

get out of there. now. don't even think about it. never speak to her again. mean it.

 

I'm still scared to go to the kitchen. She is there all the time. 

I woke up with nightmares and in my dreams She was coming towards me and I was  screaming for help.

I'm too scared of her. The fear is just extreme. Her presence causes me to have panic attacks. 

She used to verbally and physically assault me as a child. I hope she rots in hell. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Something Funny right now I'm jobless and I'm just recovering from Covid. I am constantly suffering fever. I'm waiting to recover and feel better. 

I can't even think in this state, let alone plan anything. 

 

[Vido]

@Preety_India

I do the work with lots of people! I would love to facilitate you with breathing exercises.

Let me know if the idea excites you and we can schedule a call 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Something Funny said:

@Preety_India damn, that's tough. Is there any chance that you have any other relatives you could stay with for some time? Aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, sisters, good friends?

If not, then I guess try to to distance yourself from her as much as possible. Stay in your room, go outside a lot if you have enough strenght to do so, just ignore her. All of that while focusing on healing and getting better.

This can work at least for the time being before moving out . Thank you 

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Preety_India I really hope that you will be able to turn this whole situation around and that it gets better. Please stay strong!

Thank you. Your words mean a lot. I hope I get out of this. 

 

[vizual]

You don’t even own a gun

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, vizual said:

You don’t even own a gun

I mean I feel like doing it. If I had a gun I would have gone long ago. 

What I meant is that I'm feeling suicidal. I'm unable to cope with my circumstances. It gets worse.. 

 

[puporing]

Need to start a GoFundMe for her. 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, puporing said:

Need to start a GoFundMe for her. 

I'm also a bit codependent on her so this is not just about money. 

I need to be able to feel psychologically independent before I move out 

 

I had the money to move out back in 2019/20 but I moved back in with her because of psychological dependency. 

I mean she never allowed me to do anything on my own. That creates a lot of dependency. 

 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, puporing said:

Need to start a GoFundMe for her. 

Also there are huge safety concerns. 

When I moved out and the place I was renting, two girls who were living alone were raped. 

So that place had safety issues 

Most people who live with their parents are safer, especially girls. 

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

Dude, which part of India do you live in?

I don't wish to disclose that but I live in a city.